My expression void of any emotion, I climbed the steps and walked back down the hallway, a lone tear falling down my cheek. I didn’t think I could ever feel any more pain than I did after learning the truth of who Tyler was and what he wanted from me, but I was wrong. This was the worst pain imaginable.
In a daze, I couldn’t remember getting in my car and driving back to my condo. All I could remember was questioning what was real and what wasn’t. Things I thought I touched and saw were now being presented to me as fake. It made me begin to question everything else in my life, too.
Pulling my Mercedes into its usual spot, I ran into the building, ignoring Paul’s attempt to introduce me to the new security guard as I dashed into an open elevator. When it finally stopped at my floor, I couldn’t get to my condo fast enough, holding out one last ounce of hope that there would be some proof of Tyler’s existence within the four walls of my home…a home I was certain he had invaded so fully for a short time.
I ran to my kitchen, pulling open drawer after drawer, hoping to come across some lasting remnant of our time together, but I came up empty. Everything was how it was before I had met him. My silverware was just as I liked it. All my cooking utensils were in their precise location. There was barely a particle of dust on the counter, let alone a piece of Tyler’s hair. The vases containing the flowers he had sent me after opening night of my restaurant had mysteriously disappeared, if they had been there at all.
Feeling the walls closing in around me, I grabbed my cell phone and searched the contacts. I pressed the entry for Tyler, my heart racing as I waited for it to begin ringing. But it never did. All I received on the other end was a message that the phone number was no longer in service. My chin began to quiver as I hung up and tried Eli’s number, only to get the same message.
Screaming in frustration, I threw my phone on the ground, the screen shattering from the impact, and ran down the hallway into the master bedroom. I flung open the chest where I kept my father’s Victoria Cross, along with all the other keepsakes, recalling that I had placed the card Tyler sent with the extravagant flowers in it. As I rummaged through, the card was nowhere.
I let out a loud sob, starting to believe I had imagined it all. It was the only explanation that made sense. The realization was overwhelming and I darted into the master bathroom, heaving into the toilet, wishing Tyler was there to trace a pattern across my back and chase away my demons, just as I thought he had done for a short but remarkable time.
~~~~~~~~~~
AS THE WEEKS WORE on, I continued searching everywhere for some sort of proof that Tyler Burnham was real, but I found nothing. Not one piece of tangible proof he had entered my life in a whirlwind and flipped it upside down. There was nothing left, other than my memories…which I couldn’t help but question.
It was as if every trace of his time on South Padre had been erased.
All but one…
Mackenzie
THE SOUND OF SEAGULLS and laughter surrounded me as I sat on the sandy beach, trying to make sense of everything. I raised my eyes and stared at a seemingly peaceful ocean, a few boats bobbing up and down in the distance. This island was supposed to feel like paradise, like an escape, but it didn’t. Not anymore. All I felt when I looked at the calm water, the sun shining and warming everything on that Memorial Day at the end of May, was a raging storm, a ship about to sink. My surroundings were mocking me, reminding me that my life would never be the same again. The truth was, it hadn’t been the same since I met Tyler.
I should have been crying, but tears refused to fall. I should have felt something. Anything. Anger. Hatred. Resentment. Fear. Confusion. But I felt nothing. Ever since the day I had gone over to what I thought to be Tyler’s house to see someone else living there, I shut down even more than I already had. I was a shell, a ghost of a woman going through the motions of living when I was really dead inside.
I closed my eyes, trying to remind myself of a happier time, hoping that would bring forward some sort of emotion. It was like trying to jump-start a battery that was long dead. Nothing worked. I was empty, my heart no longer able to feel.
I wanted to scream, but no noise ever came from my throat. I now knew why Catholics feared purgatory. I was there. I was a lifeless soul forced to walk among the land of the living. I wanted to make it all go away, to forget the beautiful, touching moments I shared with Tyler. The thrill of his kisses. The passion in his eyes. The fire in his touch. I was still tortured by all those things, sentenced to live the past two months in a constant nightmare because I was foolish enough to love him.
A small child, who couldn’t have been more than two years old, ran in front of me, his parents trying to catch up. The glee in his laughter struck me as I watched the happy family enjoying their vacation. The mother playfully grabbed the little boy, swinging him around and around, his squeals echoing and calling to a side of me I didn’t know existed. A tear escaped my eye and trickled down my cheek, cooling the fire that had been burning inside me. Then another tear fell. And another. And another.
The dam broke and, for the first time in months, I felt something. I lowered the iron fortress I had erected around my heart and stopped pretending I was okay, pretending what Tyler did hadn’t destroyed me. It wasn’t his deception that shattered me. It was my love for him, then and now. In my heart, I knew he was real, that we experienced a love so perfect, which made everything so much harder. My heart ached for him. My skin craved his touch. My body longed to be held in his arms. The arms that would always remind me of dancing, full metal jackets, and Truth or Dare.
He had tainted something so beautiful, so pure, so fucking perfect. His love was toxic and I needed to purge it from my system through my cleansing sobs. I had bottled it all up for months and it felt therapeutic to finally let it out. With each tear, I was letting go of another piece of him. His smile. His green eyes. His husky voice that swore he loved me. His words begging me to spend the rest of my life with him. They were all leaving me and, once my tears stopped, I vowed to never cry because of him again.
I had no idea how long I sat there with my head buried in my knees, my cries ravaging my short and slender body, but I didn’t care. It didn’t matter that people could have been laughing and pointing at the poor pathetic girl who gave everything to a man who used her, then tried to cover his tracks and make her think she imagined him. I needed this. Maybe then I could finally be over him.
I needed to be over him.
I wouldn’t let him ruin my life anymore.
A warm presence approached from behind and two arms enveloped me. I sighed, molding my body into Brayden’s. He was exactly what I needed right now. I needed his smile, his laugh, his compassion. I needed his reassurance that I was strong enough to get through this. That this wouldn’t break me. That I could rewind the clock and forget all about Tyler Burnham.
Pulling at the crisp gray shirt underneath his black suit, I drenched him with my tears, and he simply continued to comfort me, not saying a word. He knew me well enough to know I didn’t want to talk. Not yet. He was the only man in my life who always gave me exactly what I needed when I needed it. He had always been true and honest. He never had an ulterior motive. His love was pure and untainted.
“It’s about time you started acting like a human again,” he soothed, breaking the silence between us. He rocked me gently, running his fingers up and down my back. “You can’t keep pretending what’s been going on didn’t affect you, baby girl. It’s obvious it did. It’s okay to show your emotions once in a while. It’s okay to show you’re not impenetrable.”