I laugh at that because I know exactly what he is referring to.
And, uh, I was begging.
He's got his hands up the back of my Husker shirt, and I swear my skin is practically sizzling. I'm tempted to look over my shoulder to see if there is smoke, but instead I come back with, “Oh really? Well, what I want to know is when you got so religious? I haven't heard God's name spoken that many times in church.”
We laugh at each other and Phillip says, “You know, I keep wishing this game would just get over so all these people would go home. I couldn't care less if they win or lose.”
Phillip doesn't care if the Huskers win or lose?
WOW!
Now that's saying something.
In fact, that may be the best compliment I've gotten in my entire life.
Sunday morning, Phillip and I are awakened around ten by my loudly ringing phone. Yeah, it's unusual for Phillip to sleep in, but I did keep him up late last night.
I grope around for the handset, can't find it, so I hit the speaker button on the base.
“Hello,” I say groggily.
“JADE!” Lori's screaming voice echoes into my room.
My God, she can't possibly know about Phillip and me already.
Can she?
“You don't sound awake. Are you still in bed?”
“Uh, yeah, but that's okay. What's up?”
“AAAHHHH. I AM SOOOO EXCITED!!!!!! OHHHH. I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE IT. YOU'RE. NEVER. GOING. TO. BELIEVE. IT!!!!!”
“Believe what?”
“I. AM. PREGNANT!!!!!!”
“Oh, Lori, that is so awesome!” I look at Phillip, who just rolled over toward me when he heard the news. He has a great expression on his face, and I'm so excited I start to say, “Phil…” Then I stop quickly.
Because I am not in bed with Phillip right now, as far as my friends know.
“What did you say, Jade? Did you say…?”
I interrupt her, “I said that's awesome, filipping awesome.”
“No, you didn't, you said Fil….OH MY GOD! Is Phillip there? Am I on speakerphone? Phillip, if you're there, you'd better answer me.”
I shake my head no at Phillip, but he doesn't do as I say.
Sure, now he's a rebel.
“Yeah, I'm here, Lori,” Phillip confesses. “Congratulations, this is so great. I bet Danny is just ecstatic.”
“Um, well, he doesn't exactly know yet.”
“He doesn't?” I ask surprised.
“NO!” she says, and starts talking very fast. “I know I should have told him first, but after he left for the game this morning, I was getting ready and realized it's been a long time since I've had my period, and I looked at the date and saw I was like two weeks late! I've been so busy trying to get this house all painted and decorated that I hadn't even noticed. So I quick ran to the drug store and bought a home pregnancy test. I was standing here alone when it said PREGNANT, and I just had to tell someone! And I didn't want to call Danny right before his game and just tell him on the phone, like I was asking him about the traffic or something. I mean, I want to do something special.” She pauses for a moment.
“HEY, WAIT A MINUTE! Did you say you were still IN BED?”
Damn!
I am so busted.
“Uh, yeah,” I admit sheepishly.
Shit.
“FINALLY! It's about time! Phillip, how did you finally talk her into it? I told you it would work out. She is just so stubborn.”
“Hey! You're on speakerphone. I can hear you.”
Phillip kisses me and says teasingly, “I didn't have to do anything, Lori. She just couldn't resist me any longer and begged for me.”
Uh, that's not exactly right.
So I stand up for myself and say, “I probably shouldn't bring this up now that you're pregnant and stuck with him, but you should know your wonderful husband is a manipulative liar.”
An evil laugh fills my room. “You mean the little Monica exaggeration? Oh, Jadyn, honey, that was all me.”
Phillip laughs. He thinks this is just hysterical.
I shake my head. “So you're both liars. It's no wonder you're perfect for each other.”
I see I'm not going to win this one. It's a rare thing, but I know when I'm beat.
I give up.
Where's the white flag?
Lori sighs peacefully, “This is almost the perfect day. I'm pregnant. You guys are together. Now if Mark Conway could just get bonked on the head again, Danny could…..Oh. My. Gosh. I can't even believe I just said that, or even thought it! I'm so awful. That is just AWFUL!”
She sounds like she's going to cry.
And then she does.
She's an emotional wreck. She's never like this.
“I would never want that to happen to anyone. Oh my God, what is wrong with me? Can hormones mess with your brain like this? Please forget I said that.” She takes a big loud breath. She is in control and businesslike again.
Man, pregnancy must be an emotional roller coaster ride because she has gone through like four moods in less than two minutes.
“Anyway, so does this mean you two can share a room next Monday night after the game? That would be great because then I'll only have to get one guest room done. These construction workers are just moving so slow.”
“Sure,” I say, “and if we're not still together by then, Phillip will gladly sleep on the floor.”
“You guys are going to watch the game today, aren't you?” she asks.
“Yeah, you know we wouldn't miss it. And you know Phillip, he always spoils me, so we're going to Hooters.” I laugh.
Phillip grabs me because he thinks I am a naughty girl for saying that. And when he starts kissing my stomach, I have a hard time thinking, but I do hear Lori say, “Cool. Maybe you'll see me on TV. I'll wave to you. And when Danny calls to tell you the good news…”
“We'll act surprised,” Phillip and I say at the same time.
Phillip and I go to Hooters and get a table right in front of the big screen. We order a bucket of beers and drummies, hot and extra crispy.
I know, most women hate Hooters, but they really do have good wings.
The Chiefs aren't playing very well, even though they have most of their starting players in for this last preseason game.
About three minutes into the second quarter, the Chiefs' defense intercepts a Broncos' pass, and the offense rushes back out onto the field. On the first down, the play gets totally blown up and the quarterback, Mark Conway, gets sacked.
He goes down, hard.
And doesn't get up.
Lori must be going crazy. She'll be convinced that she somehow caused this.
While the trainers are out on the field, the camera shows Danny warming up on the sideline. They go back to the picture of the quarterback on the field. He tries to sit up, looks like he doesn't know where he is, and is laid back down.
The game announcers say it looks like he got his bell rung. Again.
Evidently, he has a history of concussions.
Danny runs out onto the field and stands with the rest of the team.
It takes a few minutes for the trainers to look at the quarterback and get him carted off the field.
During this time, the commentators talk about Danny's career at Nebraska, and then they flash on Lori. His wife, they announce.
Lori waves.
At us, I know!
I stand up and wave back.
On TV, we see her grab a sign from a lady next to her, flip it over, and furiously write on it.
The commentator starts to say, “I wonder…..”