“Holy shit,” the baroness said. “I've already gone! Why are you so cruel to me, my darling?”
“Cruel?”
“You should fuck your big mama more often.” Coyness entered her voice. “Christmas is soon at hand, you know.”
I had both hands on her big behind, palms down as I pushed away and then pulled myself toward her, my prick loving her tight cunt.
“Christmas is for children,” I said.
She laughed throatily. Have you ever had your cock in a female-either asshole or vagina-when she laughs?
Laughs originate low in the bowels. When a female laughs her asshole contracts and her cunt opens. If you have it in her vagina her muscles, in pushing out, can push even the stiffest prick from the tightest cunt, you know.
If your cock is in her anus when laughter strikes her, her anus can contract so sudden and so hard it can damage even the stiffest prick. But now my prick, being in her cunt, was almost forced out, and only by sheer upward pressure did I maintain my seat in the saddle.
“We are both at heart no more than children, my lord,” she said.
“Children do not do what we are doing,” I pointed out.
She laughed so long and loud this time that only my big knob remained in her cunt when finally she was finished.
“What is so comical?” I asked, driving my cock in deep again.
“My oldest daughter is ten. She was in her bedroom the other day. I covertly glanced in. She had the neighbor boy of thirteen with her. Both were stark naked. My daughter was on her hands and knees, as I am now. The boy had a good six inches of prick and almost all of it was in my daughter's ass.”
“Top or bottom?”
“Top, in the asshole.”
“What did you do?”
I drove into her, my belly smacking her wide buttocks. Her cunt pulled my cock this way, then that, and she didn't answer for some time, for evidently her bliss was too overwhelming she couldn't speak.
Her cunt made a sweet slopping sound as it sucked my penis and finally I repeated my question.
“Oh, I did nothing.”
“Your daughter-at that tender age-getting it in the rectum, and you did nothing?”
“Why should I interfere? Sooner or later she'd get it from some man maybe not as conscientious and intelligent as the neighbor boy. And why should I have hollered?
“No female ever got pregnant taking it up the rectum, you know!”
My Tenth Episode
My uncle once had intercourse with a female contortionist, he jovially once related. He had long watched contortionists at shire-fairs and other doings, and the desire had risen to copulate with one-female, of course, he had dryly added, for my uncle is not much of a homosexual, although he will penetrate another man if so inclined and the other man is available.
“I paid her to do it with me,” he said. “Only time I ever paid a woman in my life, I do believe. Well, she finally consented, but she acted as though she were reluctant.
“She was a lovely little thing. She did her act in a big circus. You'd know the name of the circus if I mentioned it but I won't mention it because it makes no difference to my story, if a story it can be called.”
According to my uncle, both he and the young contortionist were naked, which is the proper garb-or lack of garb-for a sexual session, for clothing just interferes and there is no sensation as nice as bare belly smacking bare belly-or hips pounding a pair of sleek full buttocks.
“She checked her cunt and asshole before we connected,” my uncle said. “She braced herself on both arms. Then I'll be hangdamned if suddenly didn't pivot on her arms and her head was under her butt looking up.
“She licked her asshole carefully. What her tongue found made her happy for she swallowed once and chuckled and mentioned that she wiped too hard the last time and she didn't have much of what she called lunch.
“Jesus Christ almighty, can you imagine calling balls of dried shit by the name of lunch?
And my good uncle-from whom I received a letter today-roared with laughter, for at heart he is a very jovial man. (He is now located in Kingston, Jamaica, on King Street 5794, to be exact.)
“Well, she finally had her asshole cleaned to her pleasure. She then turned her attention to her cunt. She had a small cunt although a person would think that she must have stretched it a lot in a day's work.
“She doubled her tongue into a pencil and bingo-up her red cunt it went. I saw her cunt's lips close and open around her tongue. I knew then she would be a good one because few women can open and close their cunts, you know.
“I don't know what the hell ails most women. I think they're damned stupid. The only thing they got to hold a man is between their legs. And do you think they for one moment educate their cunts?
“The smart ones do, of course. They roll things between their cunt's lips-lead pencils, small rolling pins, and the like. That way they develop strong muscles. When a man climbs on a woman that's trained herself to fuck he's lucky if he can escape without having his cock pulled off, you bet you!”
My uncle-who digressed much-was off on another favorite discussion, but I brought him back to the present, and once again his eyes glistened as he remembered the lovely female contortionist.
“She could pull on her tongue with her cunt. Well, she cleans her cunt good, licking the lips well-and by God, she opened each lip, one at a time, so she could lick its red side. She had the sweetest little box I've ever put Old Faithful into.”
(Old Faithful was my uncle's nickname for his penis, of course. He continuously described each female as the best piece of cock I ever had.. He says there is much cunt in Kingston. He wants me to go there and start an all male whorehouse with him.)
“Well, finally she uncoils, but she's still on her arms, palms on the bed, her legs straight out, her ass about two feet above the bed, pointing down of course.
“I just stand there and gawk, my cock as long as a pole and as hard as my head, and she swings back and forth, using her arms for poles, and then she says, “Get under me on your back.”
I was so surprised I asked why. She grimaced and said I was stupid and that she wanted to fuck me, of course. “Didn't you come here to get fucked? What did you pay good money for, simpleton?”
“I don't like to be called such names,” I said, “and I paid you to fuck me, stupid.”
“Then get under me on your back. Here, let me kiss you first, huh?”
“I puckered up my lips but damned if she didn't kiss my cock instead, even taking my bulb into her mouth as her tongue ran over my pee-hole, driving me into a cold sweat.
“Her lips were just as strong as her cunt's lips, for she really twisted my big peter when she released it with her mouth. I knew then we'd get along good. She'd be a hell of a strong sucker, and when a good cocksucking woman gets my cock in her mouth-”
My uncle started digressing again; again, I got him back on the right track. “Well, I get on that bed, see. I lay on my back. I point my feet toward her. She told me to put both feet close together. I did that. She then told me to slide under her, which I did.
“Holy smoke, my cock just tickled her asshole. She had schemed things that close, the vixen. She's still swinging back and forth, remember, using her arms for legs.
“Each time her crack goes ahead she trails my cock over her asshole and cunt. She then swings back and my prick still drags over her two essentials, and I've got a real leadpipe hard on and it's aching to land somewhere in her rectum or vagina, believe you me!”
I asked my uncle if he were telling me a fib. He looked wounded and dug into a drawer of his dresser and came out with a drawing of a lovely woman, naked and big of breast, balanced on both arms, palms flat as she swung back and forth like a swing.