“Fear.”
Roland sat up straight, even as Brienna tightened her grip on his shoulders.
“You keep saying that,” he said. “I’m not a fool. I know what fear is-all of us do. When Master Jacob was visiting the delta, I had many dreams that he would not return, and it frightened me. When I was younger, I used to worry that my parents would scold me when I ignored my chores.”
“Such terrible fears,” said Azariah. “Have you already forgotten the wolf?”
Roland fought back his shudder.
“That too,” he said.
Azariah shook his head, letting out a sigh.
“You’d rather pretend it’s not there than face it. None of you in Ashhur’s Paradise can face fear; none of you can stand tall and make it your servant instead of your master.”
“Az, don’t,” said Brienna.
“The boy needs to know,” the Warden answered. “There might be danger where we are headed.” He fixed his eyes on Roland. “Here in the west you have been greatly sheltered,” he said. “All of Ashhur’s children have been, so do not feel that it’s your fault. What is there to do in Paradise but breed and pray to the god who walks among you? A simple life, of oneness with the deity, the land, and your family. But that is not all there is. You know nothing of pain or of loss. Never has anyone in this land died before his or her time…Martin was the first. That is why you know nothing of it, Roland. You’re soft. In many ways, it is a beautiful thing, and the people of Paradise cherish one another in a way that exists nowhere else in this world. But we’ve left that land now. We are in the wild, and nature is a far harsher mistress.”
“You act like you know any better,” said Roland, a bit harsher than he intended. “You’ve lived there with us. You’ve been…been…as coddled as we are! What do you know of it?”
The Warden’s fire-flickering eyes darkened for a moment, then grew wistful, almost sad.
“I know much. We all do. Ahaesarus, my brother, Icariah, Ezekai, Torian, Uriel…we all experienced a life before Dezrel. Before we came here. Before we lost everything.”
Roland immediately regretted his words, almost wished he could take them back. But his curiosity got the better of him.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “How did it happen?”
Azariah smiled a gloomy smile.
“I was a carpenter once, working in my corner shop in a small city on a distant world we called Algrahar. I had a wife and children, and I loved my family dearly. And I also loved my god, whom we worshipped each night before the shrine of Rana that sat on the outskirts of the city. Life was full of joy, and much like you, we knew nothing of pain. As with Brienna’s people, our god had blessed us with unnaturally long lives. Those I loved remained by my side through the entirety of my existence. It wasn’t until one winter day during my sixty-sixth year that I knew even a moment of terror.
“You must understand that in our world, with its two suns burning brightly on either side of the horizon, it was always daylight. Sometimes the world darkened, and we could glimpse the brightest of the stars, but we never had nightfall or true darkness…not until that day. Suddenly the sky split as if a black dagger had sliced through the heavens. From the swirling mists within that darkness emerged a horde of flying beasts. They wore strange armor and bore giant black wings on their backs, and they were legion. We stood dumbfounded, not understanding what was happening until it was too late. The creatures descended upon us, attacking us with swords and spears. Those who fought back were destroyed instantly. The streets of our city ran red with our blood, and the air resounded with our dying screams. My wife was sliced from shoulder to hip before my eyes. My children were lifted by the evil beasts and carried high into the nightmare sky, then dropped down on the streets below.
“It was no coincidence that I lived. The beasts slaughtered the women and children, leaving us, the men who surrendered, to be rounded up and herded into pens. It was there my brother, Judarius, and I awaited the judgment of whatever dark force had brought this misery down upon my people.”
Azariah paused, staring into the fire as if he were worlds away. Brienna shifted uncomfortably beside Roland, holding him tighter against her.
“Do you know what the worst of it was?” Azariah suddenly asked. “It seemed as though our god had abandoned us. As hundreds of us sat in that grimy pen, watching our captors soar over the gates, we realized that we were alone. Rana heard our prayers no longer, and his light had been extinguished from the world. That is when we knew fear. That was when we looked into the abyss and saw its darkest face.
“Nothing is as frightening as the thought that only blackness will greet you when you leave this life. Not strange creatures falling from the sky and murdering our families. Not the lack of understanding nor the promise of death every time the gates to our prison opened. No, our despair came from thinking that Rana’s teachings were all a lie, and that when we perished we would simply cease to be, never to see our loved ones again in the shimmering forever. That, boy, is a fear you’ve never felt before, a fear that changes you, twists you in its maw.”
Roland breathed deep, a rasping breath that filled his shivering lungs. “So it wasn’t true?” he asked, both spellbound and horrified. “The words of your god?”
Azariah smiled, and his dark expression lifted.
“No, they were. After the invasion, when the razing of the other cities was completed and we were near starvation, a bright light appeared before us. The light filled our vision, washing out the horror surrounding us. That was when Celestia appeared, shining so brightly we could not look upon her face. Rana had summoned her to protect us. Ashhur was by her side, and the god-made-flesh offered us safety, asking us to join him and his brother in a brand new world. Of course we said yes, and Celestia whisked us away from our now-dead world and into this one. We were made wardens over the lives created by the brother gods. To have Ashhur arrive when he did, presenting my brothers and me with a chance to live out the rest of our lives in peace, rekindled my faith.”
“So you’re saying you’re not one for coincidences, are you, Az?” asked Jacob, leaning against one of the stunted trees at the far edge of the camp. A grin spread on his face as he dumped six large logs beside the fire.
“How long have you been eavesdropping?” asked Azariah.
“Long enough,” replied Jacob as he took a seat beside Brienna. She shifted away from Roland, sliding into Jacob’s arms and planting a kiss on his face. Roland watched and couldn’t help but feel jealous. Still, his master was alive and well, and that overwhelmed any of his more petty feelings.
“What took you so long?” asked Brienna, nudging her lover in the ribs.
“Ran into a couple farmers from the Durham Township,” Jacob said, pulling his blanket tighter around him. “They must have thought I was a predator hungry for their sheep, because they came at me with weapons raised. I couldn’t help but laugh. What predator do they think their sharpened twigs would repel? Certainly not me.”
Brienna ran her fingers through Jacob’s hair and pulled back his cloak as if searching for a hidden injury. “Did they hurt you?”
Jacob laughed. “Are you even listening? No, when they realized who I was, they fell to their knees and begged for forgiveness. It was rather humorous, really.”
Roland noticed something odd about his master. His laugh seemed a bit too hearty, his smile a bit too forced. But he’d been like that a lot lately, and he seemed to be spending more and more time off by himself. While Jacob talked, his hands kept fidgeting with something he’d removed from the pocket of his surcoat, a clear and slender bit of crystal that shimmered in the light of the fire.
“What’s that?” asked Roland.
Jacob gave him a strange look, then glanced down at his hands. He chuckled, pinched the object between two fingers, and brought it up so that Roland could see it.