Wait, said Cleep. You might have thought that dear Clattercup, having gone to all the trouble of building a theatre in order to disseminate culture, would choose, as his first offering, something that a professional Thespian like myself could really get his teeth into. Athello, for example. My Desdemona is exquisite.
That, said Adrian, I can well imagine.
Or, said Cleep, Romeo and Juliet. They always said my Juliet was one of my best things, and also it used to save the company a lot of money becausenot being exactly a heavy manthey didnt have to reinforce the balcony. However, this Clattercup Philistine has seen fit to start the season with, of all things, Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves.
I should have thought, said Adrian, that for a holiday resort that would have been an ideal thing to start with. After all, it would be sort of gay and bright.
Dearest and sweetest Adrian, said Cleep closing his eyes in pain, I may call you Adrian maynt I? Theres a great difference between culture and gaiety. The two things are not synonymous at all.
Well, Im afraid I dont know very much about these things, said Adrian. I, just thought that probably the children would enjoy it. But I still dont see what its got to do with me.
Listen, said Cleep, this cretinous Clattercup is about as altruistic as a brace of vultures. Now, if you could get him to include Rosy in the show and she was a success, and you then offered him the five hundred poundsor what is left of itIm sure he would take her off your hands.
I say, said Adrian enthusiastically, what an excellent idea.
Im always having them, darling, said Cleep. Now, what I suggest you do is to spend the night here and then tomorrow I will take you down to see Clattercup.
Wonderful, said Adrian. Thank you very much indeed.
I myself, said Ethelbert reddening slightly, am playing a minor part in the show. Not that I approve of it, you understand, but, dearest heart, one must live.
And so Adrian and Ethelbert got Rosy into the lean-to shed where Ethelbert made his elderberry wine, having first carefully removed anything that had the slightest alcoholic content. Then, going back into the house and up to the loft, Ethelbert drew back the chintz curtains displaying on one side an enormous brass double bed with a canopy over it, and at the other end an extremely uncomfortable-looking trestle bed.
You may take your choice, he said, but I always sleep in the double bed.
Thanks, said Adrian. Um, actually Im a very bad sleeper, so I think Ill take the other bed.
As you like, said Ethelbert cheerfully, as you like. Adrian decided, as he was dropping off to sleep, that the sight of Ethelbert Cleep in a long white nightshirt, a Japanese kimono and a night-cap with a tassel, was one that would live with him for many days to come.
The following morning when Adrian awoke, he found that Ethelbert had been up for some time and had prepared a substantial breakfast. An enormous, volcanically bubbling pot of porridge with thick cream and sugar, and a huge plate of bacon as brown and as crisp as autumn leaves and just as fragrant, almost covered with great golden fried eggs and piles of large mushrooms like strange fleshy edible umbrellas running with black juice.
I think it always advisable to start the day with a good breakfast, said Ethelbert earnestly. After all, one must consider ones art, and it requires a lot of both mental and physical energy to get inside the part that you are playing.
Incidentally, said Adrian, with his mouth full, what part are you playing?
One of the Sultans harem, said Ethelbert without batting an eyelid. Its a very exacting part.
Later, when they had done the washing-up, Ethelbert dressed himself in his outdoor clothes, which consisted of an Inverness and a deer stalker cap of mammoth dimensions. Then they hitched Rosy to the trap and made their way into the town.
Adrian was astonished when he saw the theatre. Although Ethelbert had told him that it was a large one, he had no idea quite how large, and the faade with its Doric columns, its flying buttresses and Gothic windows, argued that Mr. Clattercup must have acted as his own architect.
I told you it was big, said Ethelbert in triumph, delighted at Adrians astonishment Darling boy, its something theyd be pleased to have even in the city, and Ill let you into a secret.
He paused and looked round furtively. There was nobody within earshot apart from Rosy, so he leant forward and whispered in Adrians ear:
Its got a revolving stage!
He stepped back to see the effect his words would have on Adrian.
Revolving stage? said Adrian. The man must be mad.
He is, darling boy, said Cleep. Its a deadly secret. We are going to astonish the audience on the first night, so dont tell a soul.
I wont, said Adrian, but I still think hes mad. It must have cost him a lot of money.
This, said Cleep, waving his hand at the architectural conglomeration that confronted them, Is Clattercups last great work. This is the monument that he has built for himself so that he will go down in history. Now, you wait here with Rosy, dear boy, while I go in and see him.
Adrian and Rosy waited patiently out in the road for half an hour or so until out of the theatre flitted Ethelbert, followed by a tubby little man dressed somewhat incongruously in a cutaway coat and striped trousers.
Adrian, said Ethelbert, this is Emanuel S. Clattercup, our mentor.
Oh, aye, said the mentor. ow do?
I am very well, thank you, said Adrian, slinking hands. Understand you want a job, said Clattercup, peering somewhat nervously at Rosy.
Well, yes, if it were possible, said Adrian. I thought that since you were doing Ali Baba a little bit of Eastern pomp might be in keeping, and Rosys quite used to wearing trappings and so on.
Aye, said Clattercup, well, she would be, wouldnt she, coming from er . . . from eh . . . coming from where she does.
She behaves, said Adrian, colouring slightly at the falsehood, extremely well and Im sure that she would lend a certain something to your show.
Je ne sais quoi? suggested Ethelbert.
Whats that? asked Clattercup suspiciously.
Its French for I dont know what, explained Ethelbert.
What jew mean, you dont know what? said Clattercup.
What I mean, said Ethelbert, is that its French, meaning I dont know what.
Clattercup stared at him wall-eyed for a minute.
I avent the least bloody idea what youre talking about, he said at last.
Ethelbert raised his eyes to heaven.
And some fell on stony ground, he said.
Well, ow much would you want? enquired Clattercup of Adrian. These cultural shows take a lot of brass to get em on. Im not made of brass, jew understand?
Well, I was just thinking in terms of a modest salary, enough to cover my own expenses and the expense of feeding Rosy, said Adrian.
And of course you would provide the costumes, said Ethelbert.
Clattercup lit a large cigar and pondered for some minutes behind a cumulus of acrid smoke.
Does she cost much to feed? he said at last, jerking his thumb at Rosy.
Er, a fair amount, said Adrian.
Well, Ill tell you what Ill do, said Clattercup, and I cant say fairer than this. Ill pay for her food and Ill pay for your keep until we see how you are going on. Then, if you are a success, we can discuss it further.
Right, said Adrian, delighted, thatll suit me perfectly.
I shall want you for rehearsals at two oclock this afternoon, said Clattercup.
Fine, said Adrian, Ill be here.
All right, said Clattercup. Tara.
Turning on his heel, he walked back into the theatre.