She tilted her head enquiringly to one side. ‘Are you going to lick it off the floor?’
Eew! ‘No!’
‘Oh,’ she said, sounding disappointed. ‘Well, anyway, you should be grateful I was here to save you.’
Save me! What the—? I grimaced; was she channelling her graft-brother Bandana or something? And lying on the floor looking up her skirt was getting old, and as I didn’t appear to be suffering any ill-effects of whatever magic Tavish’s new mistress—or whoever the hell she was—had treated me to, I got to my feet.
‘Listen up, Sylvia’—I poked her shoulder, hard enough to rock her back on her broken heel—‘even if you did rush to my rescue, which is debatable, you’re a dryad, so you’ll have a long wait before I’m indebted to you or any of your pals.’
‘Gosh, you really are an ungrateful sort, aren’t you?’ she pouted, rubbing her shoulder.
‘C’mon, drop the injured act, Sylvia. It’s really not going to get you anywhere.’ I stuck my hands on my hips. ‘Ri-ight, let’s get a few things straight: this is my home, and you’re an uninvited guest, so you can start off with how you managed to get in, before I start snapping off your twigs.’ Not that I actually knew where her tree was, but—
‘There’s no need to be like that.’ She made a little moue of disdain and fluffed out her flowery skirt—which I now realised was actually a fifties-style dress, one more suited to a summer heatwave than a cold spring day, since the halter top only just covered her ‘Hello, boys!’ cleavage. The top also didn’t hide the cuts and scratches marking her bare skin, the ones she was now examining intently.
‘I’m waiting,’ I said.
‘Oh, well.’ She gave an exaggerated sigh. ‘I wanted to see you, but none of your neighbours would buzz me in; they all said I’d have to phone you,’ she said, holding out her hand. A small compact mirror appeared in it. She opened the compact and adjusted her helmet. ‘I mean, can you believe it?’
Actually, I could. My witch neighbours might not be overjoyed to have me still living in the building, but after the events leading up to All Hallows’ Eve, they’d beefed up security.
‘I tried phoning, but you weren’t answering, and I knew you were here because the trees outside told me you’d come home. Then I remembered the old escape ladder at the back of your building that leads to the flat roof.’ She waved the compact vaguely at my bedroom. ‘I did intend to knock, until I saw you convulsing on the floor.’ She snapped the compact shut. ‘Your Ward caused me a bit of bother, though. Good thing the window frame is wood and not one of those horrid plastic ones, otherwise I’d never have got in.’ She held out her scratched arms and chewed her bottom lip. ‘It’s going to take a while to mend the damage though.’
I looked through my bedroom doorway—now reassuringly back to being the entrance to my own room and not to Tavish’s shadowed bedroom in the Fair Lands. The bottom half of the sash window was raised up—so at least Sylvia hadn’t broken through the physical window—and still framed in the opening was the sheet of metaphysical blue glass—the Ward—which now had a cartoon starburst of a break in its centre. Damn. That was going to cost me. But while I was updating the Ward, I might as well do the sensible thing and get one that denied entry to everyone, since Sylvia, Tavish and Lizard Lady were probably just the start of my uninvited guests. Anxiety constricted my chest. Tavish is a centuries-old wylde fae, and let’s face it, no one gets to live that long if they’re stupid and easily trapped, so the Lizard Lady, whoever she was, had to be über-powerful, which didn’t bode well for Tavish. But then again, Tavish could be slippier than a whole nest of eels when he wanted, so his whole ‘nae longer my ain master’ tip-off might not be as troublesome to him as it appeared. Not that there was anything I could do to help him right now—
‘Ooh, have you seen this?’ Sylvia flapped a magazine—Witch Weekly—in my face. The front cover had a picture of a pretty teenage witch holding a cocktail and sitting in a jacuzzi with half a dozen older guys. The headline read:
SECOND SCHOOLGIRL STAR IN HOT WATER!
IS MORGAN LE FAY COLLEGE CURSED?
‘Such a scandal! The Witches’ Council are talking about axing the show because of it. Which would be such a shame—I love all those reality TV shows, don’t you?’
—not when I had an overly friendly dryad to deal with.
I hitched up my bloodied jeans, trying to make them more comfortable, and pushed the magazine aside. ‘I don’t have a TV, Sylvia, so no, I don’t, and I’m not in a chatty mood, so hurry up and tell me why you wanted to see me, then you can toddle off back to your tree.’ I indicated the rest of the scattered books and the puddle of drying blood we were standing in. ‘I’ve got a busy evening ahead being a Domestic Goddess.’
Her helmet fell forward over her forehead as she frowned around at the mess. She pushed it up absently. ‘Gosh, I forgot: you can’t sort things out with magic, can you? What you need is some help—and I know just the person to provide it.’ She gave me a dazzling smile.
Was I going to take the bait—sorry, turn down a free offer of help? Okay, so it wasn’t going to be truly ‘free’, but since I had an idea that being friendly was the starting price—
I nodded, and she held out her hand; this time a pink iPhone appeared; the small white flower-shaped phone-charm dangling from it glowed with a Buffer spell that made the phone look like it was wrapped in thick, protective plastic. She waggled it, obviously expecting me to comment.
Impressed despite myself, I said, ‘Nice bit of magic. I haven’t seen a Buffer like that before.’ I touched a finger to the spelled charm; it shocked me back.
‘It’s my own blend.’ She beamed. ‘I add powdered rowan berries. The standard spells don’t last long with me calling my phone’—she gave a creaking laugh at her pun, and I lifted my lips in a smile to show I got it—‘you really don’t want to know how many scrambled SIM cards I ended up with.’
I really didn’t.
She thumbed the iPhone’s screen and it started ringing on speaker.
Nine rings later someone answered. ‘I told you not to phone me at work, Sssylvia. I’m busssy.’ The soft, sibilant voice sounded grumpily familiar: the Librarian.
‘Libby, darling,’ Sylvia said loudly, ‘this is work. I’m over at the sidhe’s place and you can’t move for books.’
‘Ssshe wanted them.’
‘Well, we all know that she’s not going to find anything in them, don’t we, Libby, so do me a favour and call them back, will you?’
I looked down at the scattered piles of books. There was one I wanted … I saw it next to the flattened takeaway cup and gingerly picked it up. Underneath was a small gold key. I picked that up too, then promptly wished I hadn’t as it melted into my palm and disappeared. Figured.
‘Told you, Sssyl, I’m busssy,’ the voice hissed down the phone. ‘Cataloguing.’
‘Gosh, Libby, then maybe I’ll have to get busy and put a “Keep Your Thieving Claws Off” spell on my books,’ Sylvia shouted at the phone, then winked at me. ‘Now stop being grouchy and call the books back.’
A sibilant sigh echoed down the phone, and then my ears popped with the sudden pressure as the piles of books vanished.
‘Thanks, Libby.’ Sylvia smiled in satisfaction, then whispered, ‘The old dragon loves my paranormal romance books; she’s just too mean to buy them herself.’
‘I’ve got my hearing aid in, Sssyl,’ the voice grumbled.
‘I thought you said you didn’t need one, Libs,’ Sylvia shouted into the phone again, then tapped it, muttered ‘amplify’ and hung the iPhone on an invisible hook between us. ‘Anyway, I bought a couple of new romances yesterday; they’re on the table in my dressing room. Oh, and don’t forget—’