Another thing I miss now that I am a madam is the personal touch I used to have with a man. By being in bed and making love – on the order of the madam, of course – that half-hour brought me closer to the man and his problems than anything else.
I miss the intimacy now that I am a madam walking around in a Pucci gown, putting people in bedrooms, collecting money, sometimes having to be brusque or abrupt to keep things moving along.
Lately I find I give away freebies every night just to feel the closeness of a man. So most nights I pick out the best-looking man, preferably in his thirties, who does not have a wife waiting for him and does not care to go back to his hotel alone. I let him wait around until I close shop, have him sleep over, because I hate to sleep alone no matter how late it is. But being so late at night, we are usually both so exhausted that it is just a quick screw and falling asleep as the sun comes up.
The thing I detest most about that situation is when he wakes up in the morning with a beautiful hard-on, perfect for making gentle love; he has just enough time to give me another quick screw before taking the early plane to Houston.
Then my phone rings, and somebody wants a breakfast date, and if I am lucky, one of my roommates will do it, but if none of the girls has stayed over, I’ll do it myself, because I hate to turn one of my men down.
You can call me mercenary, or call me madam, but, as I always tell my customers – just call me anytime!
10. THE OLDEST PROFESSION UPDATED; OR: BEHIND OPEN DOORS
STORY ONE: He’s twenty-nine, and he’s terrified. He has never been with a woman before, and from the way he trembles, you would think he was going to get circumcised instead of seduced.
The shy, prematurely balding young man in clean, faded jeans has been sent to me by a respected New York City psychiatrist. He is one of the many whose sexual hang-ups I have cured.
My method? Basically the same principle as Masters and Johnson, only they charge thousands and it’s called therapy. I charge $50 and it’s called prostitution.
With this young man, however, I reduce the fee because I have heard he is on a tight budget. He is a recent law-school graduate, attractive, and polite, and I would like to help him make some girl a nice boyfriend.
To put him at his ease I tell him some things about myself, among which, that I am bisexual. This breaks the ice, and he awkwardly confesses something he – has not told even his analyst after twelve years in therapy – several years ago he performed fellatio on a college mate.
To me this is a good sign. The fact he committed the deed indicates he is the aggressor and can more easily be led into a straight life than a passive male.
However, in order to get into his head and find out where his deep tendencies lie, I show him several books full of erotic pictures of heterosexual and homosexual lovers – male and female – as well as men and women in leather outfits with whips, manacles, and handcuffs. The last he rejects immediately, so that eliminates sado-masochism.
“What turned you on the most, the men’s penises or the girls’ vaginas?” I asked.
“The men,” he said. “I would feel much safer in a homosexual relationship because it doesn’t represent such a big responsibility and obligation.” But he was turned off by the gay world in general – the gay bars, the faggot-looking drag queens at gay parties, and the heavy emotional involvement, because homosexual affairs can be much more dramatic than heterosexual ones after a while.
“Tell me,” I asked, “did you find the women repulsive?”
He answered no.
“Then let’s go into the bedroom, shall we?” The young man followed me like he was going to the gallows, and once inside, sat down in a chair with his hands unconsciously going to his lap to protect his threatened virtue. His knees still shook a little.
“Why don’t you take off your tie and jacket and relax while I slip into the bathroom,” I suggested, and left the room to freshen and perfume myself with some sweet lotions. But when I returned ten minutes later, clad in a scant orange towel, he was still glued to the chair.
The seduction would have to be mine. Softly I started kissing his neck and blowing suggestive words into his ears as I removed his jacket, shirt, and tie.
“I don’t know what you’re doing to me,” he sort of stammered, “but I never felt this kind of feeling before.” Goose bumps came out on his chest and arms.
I happen to get turned on by seducing young virgin boys, and my heart was really in my work. I slowly revealed my body by letting the towel drop to the floor; I lay down on the bed under the circular ceiling mirror and started stroking my body. “It looks like a wonderful movie in the mirror,” I whispered; “come over and look with me.”
Bashfully he removed the rest of his things and lay down too. The undulating images in the golden glass so turned him on that he reached for his glasses to get a better view.
“Please let me do that to you,” he said, and clumsily started stroking my breasts. Then he started sucking them, which was kind of funny – not at all well done, but certainly well meant. So I taught him how to caress a woman’s breasts and where to go with his tongue to give her the most pleasure. I did the same to him, and his nipples stood up erect. Dread had been replaced by desire.
Gently I rolled the young man over, straddling his back with my knees on either side and my breasts pressed against him, and nibbled softly from his neck down to his buttocks.
There are certain little nerves in a man or woman’s back, which, if given little chews, send an electric vibration straight to the sexual organ. When I turned my patient back over, he had a beautiful erection. I gave the same kisses to the front of his body, working down from his temple, neck, chest, and around the pubic triangle to his balls. I started kissing them, putting each in my mouth, but not for too long, because some men, especially when they are under thirty, are ticklish and will laugh and lose their erection.
Then I took his penis like it was a delicious ice-cream cone and slid my tongue over the ice cream. Wow! That wigged him out! But I didn’t suck him for long, because I could sense the tension building in his cock, and I knew if I kept it up he would ejaculate, with the most important part of the treatment yet to come.
The first position I chose for lovemaking was spoon fashion – me on my side and him curling around me, and I slipped him into me that way. Then, without letting his penis leave my body, I got on my knees, and we continued doggie style. That way he slipped out a few times, because it is a complicated position for a beginner.
He was enjoying it tremendously, and after thirty minutes was still keeping up, and I was glad the phone hadn’t rung, which it usually does every ten minutes. However, I could tell the finale was near.
In order to let him penetrate deeper and directer for the paradise stroke, I lay over on my back with a little silk pillow under my hips and my ankles over his shoulders, and that way, panting and bathed in perspiration, he climaxed.
“I never knew making love to a woman could be so beautiful,” he said when he was dressed and ready to leave.
“I think you are cured, and I’m glad. However, I was the aggressor today, but from now on it is up to you. Don’t be afraid of women, just try to find the type you like, and act like a man, not like a baby. And good luck.”
STORY TWO: I strike up a conversation with a couple on the beach in Puerto Rico, and a Mrs. Katz starts telling me how nice it is, you know, to have a vacation with her husband while someone stays home in New Jersey and takes care of the kids.
Mrs. Katz is overweight, and, to be honest, quite ugly, and she’s obviously never gone to sophisticated restaurants or the theater because she spent all her life in Cabbageville raising the kids.