She’s not there -
But he is and he doesn’t remember BJ, but BJ remember him and he has aged; aged in terror, terror of witnessing execution of his ex-wife on lawn of her new house by hand of her new husband, naked under a new and bloody moon but for a hammer and a twelve-inch nail.
‘Spot of late-night reading,’ BJ say and pass Jack bag under table.
Whitehead takes it and daft cunt starts to open it -
‘Not here,’ BJ say. ‘Bogs.’
Jack gets up and walks through empty tables at back towards gents, looking over his shoulder to check BJ still here -
‘Give you hand if you want,’ BJ shout but Jack scuttles off into toilets.
BJ finish drink as band give up on song. BJ take off every ring and put them all back on again. BJ light another cig and wonder what fuck’s taking old cunt so long. Maybe he has whipped it out for a quick one. BJ smiling until BJ see them:
Fuck, fuck, fuck -
Pigs -
Fucking pigs.
BJ slide out of seat and crawl off towards stage down front. BJ keep low against lights and only in shadows. BJ get to edge of stage. BJ duck under a curtain at side. BJ start running through cables and wires. BJ following red light that shines:
Exit -
BJ push down bar and through door, letting it slam shut. BJ outside in car park at back, rain still falling -
Rain a fall -
But Allegro’s round front and BJ be so fucking stupid BJ deserve all shit that’s coming down -
Fuck, fuck -
Can’t go back/can’t go forward; can’t go left/can’t go right; can’t go up/only down -
Fuck -
Crouched against fire door, heavy rain coming down/heavy shit with it, when out of shadows/darkness he steps -
A Black Angel -
And he says: ‘You’re all wet.’
My Black Angel -
BJ look up. BJ say: ‘Fuck do you want?’
The Father of Fear -
He raises brow of his black hat and stares up into black night and black rain. He watch black things fall from out of black skies. He smiles his black smile and says: ‘You’re going to catch your death, Barry.’
‘You got your car?’
‘Best hurry though,’ he nods. ‘Police will soon tire of Our Jack.’
BJ follow him over to his old dark car parked nearby, a Morris something -
BJ looking left and right, left and then right.
He unlocks doors and in BJ get, BJ sliding over and on to backseat -
Car damp and cold, a black briefcase beside BJ.
‘Keep your head down,’ he says, starting car.
BJ do as he says and off he sets but then car slows at front of club -
Fuck -
Man in hat leans across passenger seat. He winds down window: ‘What seems to be the problem, officer?’
‘Stolen car,’ says policeman. ‘You haven’t seen a youngish skinhead type, have you, sir?’
‘Fortunately, no.’
‘Thank you, sir,’ says Pig.
‘Goodnight, officer,’ he says and winds his window back up.
Then car turns left and heads into Dewsbury.
BJ sit up in backseat -
His eyes on BJ in mirror.
BJ say: ‘Where we going?’
‘Church.’
It is 1977.
He found me hiding -
In Church of Abandoned Christ on seventh floor of Griffin Hotel in ghost bloodied old city of Leodis, BJ lost; all covered in sleep and drunk upon a double bed, BJ lost in room 77; hair already shaved and 8 eyes shined, BJ be Northern Son. Black Angel beside BJ upon bed; his clothes are shabby and his wings are burnt; Father of Fear is weeping, whispering from among wine his death songs:
Knew I was not happy -
‘And after this Joseph of Arimathжa, being a disciple of Jesus, but secretly for fear of thee Jews, besought Pilate that he might take away thee body of Jesus; and Pilate marveled if he were already dead and calling unto him thee centurion, he asked him whether he had been any while dead. And when he knew it of thee centurion, Pilate gave Joseph leave. He came therefore and took thee body of Jesus.’
Scratching my head -
‘And there came also Nicodemus, which at thee first came to Jesus by night and brought a mixture of myrrh and aloes, about a hundred pound in weight. Then they took thee body of Jesus and wound it in linen clothes with thee spices, as thee manner of thee Jews is to bury their dead.’
Confused beyond existence -
‘Now in thee place where he was crucified there was a garden; and in thee garden a new sepulchre, wherein was never man yet laid, but when they laid him out upon thee rock, they saw his wounds were bloody and bleeding beneath thee white linen, they saw he was not dead -’
Sat in the corner, shivering from fright -
‘Only bleeding -’
Feeling strung up -
‘And as they were afraid and bowed their faces to thee earth, he said to them: Why seek ye thee living among thee Dead?’
Out of my clothes and into the bed -
‘E am here; E suffered and am now risen from thee Dead and ye are witnesses of these things. But know ye who did this thing, for only one person could do this, thee one who did not forsake me, for whom death is not thee end.’
The movements in his bed -
‘And they traveled out of thee Holy Lands and through Asia Minor and across thee mountains of Europe until they arrived at thee port in France and there thee White Ship was waiting to take them to thee Land of Angels and there was a mood of celebration amongst thee party for they were in sight of their goal and eager to reach this Pagan Place they set out to sea only after night had already fallen.’
So sorry sad and so, so confused -
‘But he was a jealous God and he was angry and thee White Ship hit a rock in thee gloom of thee night and thee port-side cracked wide-open to reveal a gaping hole whereupon Joseph quickly rushed thee Wounded Christ on deck and bundled Him into a smaller dinghy. They were away to safety as thee remaining crew struggled to wrest thee vessel off thee rocks. However, Christ could hear His wife calling to Him, begging Him not to leave her to thee sea and He ordered Joseph to turn around, but thee situation was hopeless.’
Between life and death -
‘As Christ drew nearer once more, thee White Ship began to descend beneath thee waves. Everyone was in thee water and they fought desperately for thee safety of thee dinghy. Thee turmoil and thee weight were too much. Christ’s boat was capsized and sunk without trace.’
Lost in room -
‘And it is said that thee only person to survive thee wreck to tell thee tale was Mary Magdalene, thee wife of Christ, but that she never spoke or smiled again but waited alone and lost in room for thee White Ship to rise again from beneath thee waves and bear thee linen body of thee Wounded, Abandoned Christ to these pagan shores, thee shores of this, thee Land of Angels.’
They found me hiding -
In Church of Abandoned Christ on seventh floor of Griffin Hotel in ghost bloodied old city of Leodis, BJ lost; drunk and all covered in sleep upon a double bed, BJ lost in room 77; hair already shaved and 8 eyes shined, BJ be Northern Son. Black Angel is beside BJ upon bed; his shabby clothes and burnt wings; Father of Fear, he weeps and whispers from among wine:
‘You must choose a side to be on.’
In the shadow -
BJ take off every ring -
In the shadow of the Horns -
Head bobbed.
Chapter 31
The telephone is ringing and ringing and ringing and I’m wondering where the fuck the wife is and why she won’t bloody answer the telephone ringing and ringing and ringing wondering where the fuck the wife is and why she won’t bloody answer the telephone ringing and ringing and ringing the fuck is the wife and why won’t she answer the fucking telephone is ringing and ringing and ringing -