"One answer," I continued, "was that devolution and evolution are part of the cyclic process in which the macrocosm experiences itself. Another answer was that only some souls, not all of them, choose devolution-evolution to experience the thrill of fear, uncertainty, separateness, and the excitement of conflict and, of course, all the physical pleasures and pains."
"You mean the old saw about how dull perfection would be," Karl interjected.
"Maybe," I replied. "We know that man can accept pleasure only to the extent that he is willing to accept pain-that the rejection of either eliminates both. While the static concept of a micro Christian heaven of all peace and. pleasure would be truly hell, the macrocosm is a perfect balance of all opposites, a totally accepting experience of all pain and all pleasure, all hate and all love, all ugliness and all beauty, all fear and all conflict, with all calmness and all peace. In other words, the ultimate in excitement, – enjoyment, variety, creativity truly heaven."
"Heaven for whom?" Karl asked sarcastically.
"Why, for the Macro self, I suppose. It's only when we have evolved to the awareness that we are the Macro self that we can experience this acceptance of all that is, all that ever was, and all that ever will be as perfect."
I could almost see Karl's razor-sharp mind racing furiously. "Are you saying that to this Macro self everything is perfect? Things like poverty, disease, injustice, death, and even selfish micro men Like us?"
"Yes," I nodded, "because they are perfectly balanced, and a positive and a negative that are equal cancel each other. Such things as poverty, disease, injustice, and death only exist at the micro levels-never at the Macro level of awareness. That's what the mystics meant when they said that all is illusion or maya."
"But it's a damned real illusion to all us micro beings!" Karl retorted.
"Of course," I replied. "Who could enjoy an exciting play unless he could temporarily forget that he was just watching actors and actresses playing parts written by an author whose purpose was to entertain?"
"So you agree with. Shakespeare," Karl inserted. "All the world is a stage and all the men and women only players who, in their time, play many parts."
"Yes, I do. The essence of a good actor is that he temporarily loses himself in his part. The same with micro man. He has temporarily lost himself in a part and forgotten that he is the only one who chose it! That's why there is no injustice from the larger perspective, because each soul has chosen every part it plays."
"Are you sure, Jon, that everyone is eventually going to wake up from their amnesia and realize that their true identity is God?-what you call the macrocosm or Macro self?"
"Well, that's what all the mystics have been saying as far back in history as we have any record."
"And do you really believe in this sort of philosophy?" Karl questioned. He looked anxious and concerned as he said, "Let's be practical, Jon: If you believe in reincarnation, astral bodies, and time travel, how are you going to be a social psychologist? Our professors sure as hell aren't going to accept these wild ideas."
"Okay, I'll answer those questions," I said and realized I was pacing the floor again. "First, the basic concepts of Macro philosophy are not new to me and have always appealed to me. My greatest objection was the micro one that they didn't seem practical. Now I think that a Macro philosophy might be, in the long run, the most practical philosophy I've ever come across.
"As for being a social psychologist-I don't deny the validity of the micro view of man as a highly evolved symbol-thinking animal completely determined by his heredity and environment. However, I am not going to reject a Macro dimension which includes the micro one but adds the concepts of soul, karma, reincarnation, and the ultimate macrocosmic view which sees all as one indivisible universal mind.
"Now, for my professors and fellow behavioral scientists, I accept the fact that in their opinion no one can be a real scientist and believe in a Macro philosophy. So, if they find out I'm even considering these concepts, I won't be a social psychologist as far as they're concerned. I'll be a mystic nut who can't tell the difference between hallucinations and reality."
"But," said Karl, "you don't have to let anyone know that you're dabbling with ideas like reincarnation and Macro philosophy. You've been hitting the books for almost three solid years, and you haven't once taken a vacation. It's no wonder you get an escapist dream."
"Then, you think my dream is part of a mental breakdown due to overwork. So you're going to supply psychotherapy for me if I'll just keep my mouth shut and not talk to anyone else about my deranged ideas."
"Now, Jon, put yourself in my place," Karl pleaded. "Just imagine that I came to you and told you all the things that you've told me today, and I admitted they were all based on a dream that I'd had the night before. Be fair, Jon. How would you react?"
I couldn't help laughing at the thought of Karl talking as I had. I said, "Okay, Karl, you made your point. If you came to me with the same story I'd say you were nutty as a fruitcake. But you've always been the hardheaded realist. I've been the philosopher.
"Besides, I've always been fascinated by dreams, and you've never even bothered to remember yours."
"What you're saying, then," Karl replied, "is that you've always been the type to go off the deep end over some crazy dream. Jon, you're too close to finishing your doctorate to take chances like this. I'll be glad to listen to you, no matter what you want to talk about, but don't discuss this with anyone else yet. Okay?"
"All right," I said. "Maybe you're right. Maybe it was all just a wild dream. I'll test that hypothesis tonight when I go to sleep."
"Now that makes sense," Karl said with relief. "Look, I have to go. I've got an appointment with one of my students, then a date with Cindy tonight. If you're asleep when I get home, I won't wake you up."
"By all means, don't wake me up! I'm going to bed early tonight to see what happens.
"By the way," I continued, "I wrote down most of the details of my dream. I thought the organizational structure of the Macro society might interest you. It's all in the notebook over there on my desk. If you don't some in too late, you might glance through it."
"I'll do that," Karl said, and left for his office.
The blowing snow held an invitation that I couldn't resist. I hate the snow, and I love it. So I bundled up and went for a walk that ended in the university library. There I spent a couple of hours looking for books to support my hope that there was more to my experience than just an escapist dream fantasy. I failed.
Around nine-thirty I went to bed, yielding to an almost embarrassingly strong desire to see Lea again, if only in a dream. As I lay there waiting for sleep to come, I amused myself by reviewing the' strange details my dream computer had given me on the structure of the Macro society and its strange metric. time system:*
*See C.I. Data Excerpts.
The more I thought, the more I wondered if maybe Karl was right. I had read about people making up their own world when they could no longer cope with their existing reality. Maybe I should take a vacation.
No matter what position I tried, sleep simply would not come.
About midnight Karl and Cindy slipped quietly in. I faced the wall and feigned sleep so as not to intrude.
Soon I drifted toward sleep and was awakened by Cindy's muffled giggles. "Damn it!" I thought and moved my pillow over my head as Karl, said, "Quiet, Honey," in a hushed voice.