The American took off his dark glasses, tried to assume a solemn expression and said, ‘Mr Grant, before my colleagues. ’ Cary noticed horror and a sense of superiority in the eyes of the two Englishmen. ‘Before my colleagues continue, it is my duty to ask you a few questions in the name of the United States Government. First of all, what do you think of the country that has granted you citizenship? Do you consider yourself a good American?’
‘Do you?’ Cary fired back.
‘I would like you to answer my question, Mr Grant,’ Brown repeated.
Sir Lewis and Raymond stared at Cary. Their faces showed irritation with the presence of the American and an urgent need to explain the reason for their visit. With vague nods, they made it clear that they had done their best to spare him the third degree, but they were guests of the local government and had to let Brown get on with his job.
Cary tried to avoid vulgar expressions. ‘What is this, another of those investigations you’re so fond of? You’re expecting me to plead the Fifth Amendment, in my own home, to allow you to conclude that I have something to hide, that I’m not “anti-communist”?’ The two Englishmen could almost see smoke issuing from the actor’s ears. ‘Brown, just as I let you in, I can also throw you out. You’re already standing up, you just have to put one foot in front of the other until you reach that damned door.’
‘Mr Grant, I’m asking you this because it is a well-known fact that your friends include Clifford Odets, a writer with socialist sympathies, who financed the Spanish communists during the civil war —’
‘Financed the Republicans, agent Brown. They weren’t all communists. There were fascists on the other side, did no one tell you?’
‘Mr Grant,’ Brown went on, ‘in an FBI report from 1944 you figure on a list of people linked in some way to communists.’
‘Mr Brown,’ Raymond intervened, ‘we consider it a matter of fact that, while it may have been expressed in more colourful terms, Mr Hoover did not look kindly upon Mr Grant’s activities as a representative of the British Crown. It is the firm conviction of MI6 that the Federal Bureau of Investigations deliberately exaggerated —’
‘Raymond,’ Brown exploded, ‘I don’t like being interrupted, ok? I didn’t interrupt your solemn blather, so just shut your mouth and let me finish! Your Mr Grant has been directly involved in the production of left-wing films, and last year he even went so far as to defend Charlie Chaplin!’
Cary rose from his armchair and took a few steps towards the federal agent.
‘Mr Brown, this is official. I’m throwing you out of my house. If you want me to add a kick in the pants, I will be delighted to oblige, and given that you’ve said you’re —’
‘Gentlemen, please!’ said Sir Lewis, while the two Englishmen got to their feet to separate the combatants.
‘So you’re going to kick my ass, are you? You just try it!’ roared Brown.
‘Thanks for the permission, but I think I’d rather knock a couple of teeth down your throat,’ replied Cary.
‘Gentlemen, some civil behaviour, for heaven’s sake! We are here to discuss a mission. ’
The two Englishmen finally managed to re-establish a semblance of calm.
Sir Lewis straightened his jacket, before solemnly announcing, ‘Mr Brown, Mr Grant’s assistance has been formally requested by the British government. MI6 has incontrovertible proof of Mr Grant’s democratic loyalty, and is willing to convey the relevant documentation to your agency so that Mr Grant need not be subjected to any awkward investigations, which would, during this phase, interfere with the interests of the United Kingdom and also of your government, which I shall inform about the present incident. I assume personal responsibility for the decision to remove you from this house, and I wish that to be specifically mentioned in your report. If Mr Hoover is not satisfied by such guarantees, he can always send an official protest to London.’
‘What do you think you’re doing? Cary Grant is no longer a British citizen, and —’
‘For God’s sake, will you just go before I lose patience? Get out!!!’ shrieked Sir Lewis, without parting his lips any further than he did when speaking normally, almost without moving his facial muscles. Cary was stunned, but not stunned enough to miss an opportunity to dismiss Brown in an appropriate fashion: ‘While you’re at it, tell Edgardina to stop circulating rumours about my alleged homosexuality: he’s a fine one to talk!’
Sir Lewis settled back down on the sofa, while Raymond walked the cursing Brown to the door.
‘Why is MI6 showing up with one of Hoover’s men?’ asked Cary.
‘As you yourself have pointed out, Mr Grant, J. Edgar Hoover has had it in for you ever since he first felt his jurisdiction being invaded by your intelligence activities, and by ours. Furthermore, you are friends with well-known liberals, and you have defended Mr Chaplin, who is perhaps the single individual most hated by the head of the FBI. As you have said, Mr Grant, Hoover is a squalid nuisance, and his bureau is more like the Gestapo than anything else I have ever seen. Even President Eisenhower holds him and his methods in profound contempt. Such things would be unimaginable in England.’
‘In fact, the gentlemen of the old school are exerting pressure and settling disputes in very subtle and graceful ways. Even down to using those “underage girls” of easy virtue. ’ said Cary with a wink.
Sir Lewis stopped for a second, and began again with some difficulty. ‘This is different, Mr Grant. Errol Flynn was effectively a Nazi sympathiser, and we discovered as much thanks to you. The way we confronted him may strike you as underhand and unpleasant, but Flynn was a traitor, as well as an idiot. On the other hand, many of the people blackmailed or ruined by Hoover have never sympathised with bolshevism. For four years, the FBI has unofficially supported Senator McCarthy, supplying him with documentation about the private lives of politicians and intellectuals. Except you can have too much of a good thing: McCarthy is not as popular as he was. Hoover doesn’t want to end up in the dirt with his old chum, he’s trying to distance himself from him, but at the same time he wants to demonstrate that American life really is infiltrated by reds. Once they learned that MI6 planned to contact you, the FBI intervened, presenting themselves as the agency best suited to putting your Americanism to the test. MI6 protested, but Hoover is very powerful.’
‘So now you’re going to have problems.’
Brown was heard cursing in the entrance hall, son-of-a-this and son-of-a-that.
‘Nothing we can’t handle,’ Sir Lewis replied. ‘In spite of everything, any set of scales you might wish to employ could tell you that the Commonwealth is weightier than Hoover.’
‘Well said.’
Raymond came back into the drawing room and went and stood by the mantelpiece, where Brown had been until a few moments before.
‘Let’s speak about us,’ said Sir Lewis. ‘Mr Grant, do you keep yourself informed about the world political situation?’
‘Er. if you’re referring to the fact that the Korean War is over, yes, I have heard about that. And I also know that Joe Stalin died last year,’ Cary replied sarcastically.
‘I hope I’m not abusing your patience. I fear that the preamble may go on for some time. I will try not to be too verbose, and leave you some documents in which you will be able to find anything that I have omitted. May I continue?’
‘I must admit that at last you are arousing my curiosity, Sir Lewis. Forget tea, can I interest you in something stronger?’ Cary reached out from his armchair and pulled the drinks trolley towards him. ‘Scotch? Brandy? A martini?’