Every week that semester, he had asked her out. And every week, she had told him no, but her “no’s” didn’t hurt because she would still smile, and talk to him, and treat him like he was her closest friend. It was worth it to ask, just to know that for a few minutes he’d be in her glow, and she’d be thinking about him and no one else. He had felt a connection with her, even though they’d never even gone on a date. Finally, the last week of school, she’d said yes, but there was only enough time for one date before school was out for the summer.
Kyle had gotten Jennifer’s phone number and called her every week, at least three times a week, and by the time school started again in the fall, he was head-over-heels in love and thought maybe she was too. After dating steadily all of fall semester, they were engaged by early spring, and while all of his friends were bragging about how many different girls they had been with, Kyle had felt lucky just to get a goodnight’s kiss. Jennifer had insisted on holding off on anything more than that until they got married, and he was content to go along because she made him happy just by being with him. Despite the incessant teasing of his roommates, waiting hadn’t been a big sacrifice. That he was the one she had chosen to be with was worth more to him than any conquest he could ever have. Even with the harassment, Kyle had never been tempted to claim they’d been together, unwilling to do anything that might sully her reputation.
He vividly remembered how heartbroken Jennifer had been when she had learned about his past with Chelsea, his high school girlfriend, to the point of nearly calling off their wedding. Chelsea hadn’t had the same values as Jennifer, and Kyle had experienced a lot of firsts in his young life with her. He had thought he loved Chelsea and expected that they would get married some day. When Chelsea went away to college, he had taken a year off to work and put some money in the bank so that they could take that step, only to discover during a surprise visit to Chelsea at college that she wasn’t nearly as lonely as he was, leaving him disillusioned, but wiser.
Once Jennifer came into his life, Kyle had forgotten all about Chelsea, but had nearly gone out of his mind when he realized that his past with Chelsea might cost him his future with Jennifer. Somehow, Kyle and Jennifer had weathered that storm, and never at any time since had Kyle regretted marrying her. David had been born a year later, and Kyle had had to quit school and get a job, but even then Jennifer had never made him feel like he was worth less because he hadn’t finished college. If anything, her love for him seemed to grow stronger.
Their life together over the years had been good. Jennifer was a devoted and loving wife and mother, and they loved each other, but they were busy with life and children and work, and the flame didn’t always seem to burn as brightly as it once had. Kyle wondered if Jennifer would ever cheat on him, then knew immediately that the thought was ridiculous, and that she would be devastated if she even thought he doubted her faithfulness. The fact that he was tempted to stray had nothing to do with Jennifer and everything to do with him. She was everything he could ever hope for in a wife, and more. He just needed to realize that. Rose was a good person, a miracle really, a woman who would have a place in his heart forever, but now that he was thinking with a clear head, Kyle knew that Rose was not someone he’d risk Jennifer for, no matter how sure he was that she would never know.
Kyle found his cart, filled with snow, on the side of the road where he’d left it. He scooped the snow out and examined his belongings. Everything was soaked through but salvageable if he could get the cart back to Rose’s and dry it all out. He stepped into the familiar position behind the handle and started to pull, his legs protesting a little with the exertion. Despite the slushy conditions, Kyle towed his cart to Rose’s without any problems and an hour after returning had his possessions drying by the stove.
“You planning on getting out of here soon?” Rose asked when the cart was empty.
“If the weather’s good, I’ll leave tomorrow. The longer I wait, the closer winter gets. I dodged a bullet this week, and I don’t want to push my luck too hard.”
“You know you’re welcome to stay as long as you want to, don’t you? I wouldn’t mind the company, and traveling might be better in a couple of days.”
“I know,” he answered. “You’ve done so much for me already, Rose. I’ll be grateful forever, but I need to get back home to my family. There’s a big part of me that’s missing.”
“I understand,” she said, her head hanging down and her hair shielding her face. Kyle thought he detected a sniffle, but wasn’t sure. “You hungry?” she asked after a pause.
They ate lunch together, then spent the remainder of the afternoon gathering supplies. Rose went through Anthony’s closet and found two old coats, a good pair of winter gloves, hats, and some thermals, along with extra changes of clothing. A pair of her husband’s winter boots was added to the pile, and by dinnertime, Kyle was re-outfitted and packed, ready to go.
Dinner was quiet, the conversation continually grinding to a halt until Rose broke the silence once again. “How many days do you think it’s going to take you to get home?”
Kyle thought as he chewed. “Hard to say. I’ve got over five hundred miles left, and the travel doesn’t get any easier from here, still lots of hills. Probably four weeks, maybe a little quicker if the weather cooperates.”
“Are you scared?”
“Of what?”
“Well, you know. It is getting to be wintertime. Maybe freezing, starving, wild animals, people. You never know what you might run into.”
Kyle shook his head. “I’m not really scared. Concerned maybe, but not scared. I know there are risks, but I can’t let that stop me. No matter what I do, there will be risks. If I wait until it’s easy or safe, who knows if my family will be there. The longer I wait, the less of a chance there’ll be of a happy ending.”
Rose nodded but didn’t say anything. Her head was bent forward, so Kyle could just see the top of her head. A tear rolled down the side of her cheek, which she tried to discreetly wipe away.
“You okay?” Kyle asked.
Rose nodded.
“Are you sure?” he asked again, leaning forward to look into her face. “I see a tear Rose. What’s wrong?”
She let out a puff of air. “Don’t worry about it, Kyle. I’m fine,” she said as she turned away, wiping tears that were flowing more freely.
“Your fine seems different from most people I know. Usually it’s not associated with tears. Maybe that’s a Wyoming thing?”
Rose laughed. “Nope, not a Wyoming thing. Just a Rose Duncan thing.” She got up from her chair and headed towards her bedroom.
Kyle got out of his chair and reached for her, but she pushed his hand away as she hurried past. He stood awkwardly by the table, not sure what to do, then gathered their dishes and took them into the kitchen.
He found a book and tried to read but couldn’t concentrate. He and Jennifer occasionally had disagreements, but having been together as long as they had, he knew how to handle those and what he should and shouldn’t do. He wasn’t sure how to handle this situation. He checked his bags that were piled by the door, went outside and inspected his cart, walked up to the highway to check the road, then came back inside. Rose still hadn’t emerged from her room.