Something-happened. A throb of dizziness and-
The way I saw her shifted. The easy personality that was Tanjy was gone-the performance of Tanjy, but not the self. It was like a veil being pulled aside, revealing the light behind as clearly as a rosy vision hovering in the sky. The smile was a window-and her drowning eyes were bottomless-I fell upward into them. She glowed like a god-she was radiant. And I felt beautiful, just basking in her reflection. The delight rose like a bubble, I surged with it--
And suddenly, I knew what she meant.
I had to blink and pull myself back out of her eyes. I didn't want to, but I had to ask. "Tanjy-there's a kind of telepathy that doesn't need an implant, isn't there-?"
Without taking her eyes from mine, she nodded slowly. "The corps thinks so. We know there's something that happens between two people that can't be explained." She took my hands in hers and held them warmly. Her face was angelic. I wanted to drown in her eyes again. "It's a kind of communication without words. . ." she whispered.
"I- heard of such a thing...I've never really experienced it... until now."
For a moment, we sat there looking at each other. She wasn't Ted-she wasn't Tanjy. She was just-beautiful.
The room, the world around us, ceased to exist. We were alone in an island universe, just the two of us. Her bright eyes had swallowed me. I had the weirdest feeling that the person opposite me was a mirror of my own soul.
In that moment, I loved her. Him.
I shook my head slowly. "None of this makes any sense to me," I said. "I don't understand any of this-and at the same time, I think I know exactly what you mean. There's a kind of tension between us, an electricity in the air. And I don't think it's just my hormones either."
"Uh huh." Her eyes were immense. "Don't try to explain it," she said. "Just... enjoy it."
"I have to know-"
She placed a finger across my lips. "Shh. Let it be mystical." And then she added, "Non-telepaths might call this love. It is, of course-but not the kind of love you think of when you use that concept-symbol. It's the experience of love without the attachments. "
"I do...love you...." Or did I? Who did I love?
"Listen to me--" she said abruptly. "You're going to be involved with some very big stuff, very soon now. I want to tell you something about communication. True communication. You're going to need to know this. It's not about talking-it's about listening. Listening with your whole soul. It's about listening so hard that you become the person you're listening to. Like you're doing right now. Can you remember that?"
"Yes, I will. I promise."
She looked thoughtful then. Even a little sad. She was Ted-or-Tanjy-again. It didn't make any difference. She allowed herself a small smile and touched my hand. "Good. Your life may depend on it. And-I love you too much to want to see you wasted."
And then there was nothing else to say. We just sat and looked at each other until the clock beeped. Three in the morning. "It's late," I said.
"Do you want to spend the night?" she asked.
"Sure."
She stood up then and offered me her hand. I got up off the couch and she led me into the bedroom.
I was surprised at how easy and natural it was.
FORTY-ONE
THE FIRST part of me to wake up was my smile.
I said, "Mmmm," and curled affectionately around the warm female body next to me. I slid my hands around her waist and up to cup her breasts.
She said, "Excuse me," and slipped out of bed. I heard her pad barefoot across the floor and into the bathroom. I heard the sound of a toilet flush. I waited for her to come back.
Instead, there was the sound of water running. A bathtub? I opened my eyes. I sat up. Wasn't she coming back?
She came back into the room, wearing a long dark robe suitable for a convent. She glanced around and made an expression of distaste. "What happened here last night? What is this-? Marshmallows?" She gave me an odd look. Almost hostile.
She wasn't beautiful any more. She was small and mean-looking. She seemed scrawny.
She wasn't Tanjy.
"We had-a marshmallow fight," I explained. "We were going to pick them up-"
She looked at me as if I were a cockroach in her bed. "Um-I'm sorry.... It wasn't my idea."
"Mm hm," she said, picking up marshmallows from the floor. "It never is."
"Are you the, uh-owner here?"
"The host? Yes, I am." She was making no secret of her annoyance.
"Oh," I said, feeling suddenly very weird. Like an intruder. I felt like I should pull the blanket up in front of me. Like a shield. "I, uh, guess I should be going then."
"Yes, you should."
I still didn't move. I said, "I'm sorry for the mess. Can I help you clean up?"
She stood up then and faced me. "No. I'd rather you didn't. I'd rather you just got out. Now, please."
I slid out of bed. I stepped on marshmallows. I started gathering up my clothes and pulling them on as quickly as I could.
As I was buttoning my shirt, I looked over at her. "Can I ask you something?"
She dumped the marshmallows into a wastebasket and straightened, brushing the powdered sugar off her hands. She waited for me to continue.
"What happened to Tanjy?" I asked.
She shrugged. "She went on to the next."
I said, "Look-I know this is difficult for you, but I get the feeling that there's something very wrong here, and I don't understand."
The Chinese girl said, "Wait a minute." She stepped into the bathroom and shut off the running water. When she came back, I was just tying my tie. She said, "Do you know what we call telepaths like Tanjy?"
I shook my head. "Carpetbaggers. "
"Carpetbaggers?"
"Mm hm. They take over your body, your house, your life for an evening. They get your body drunk, they take your body to bed with strangers, they get stains on your best silk dresses, they get sticky marshmallows all over your sheets and rugs, and then they disappear in the middle of the night, leaving you with a hangover, scraped legs, chafed elbows, a sore back, and three days of cleaning. Not the least of which is explaining it all to last night's trick."
"Can I help pay for the damages?" I asked, reaching for my wallet.
She stiffened. "I am not a whore, thank you. No, you may not. The service will cover any costs. Besides, it's not your fault. You're as much a victim of the carpetbagger as me."
I shoved my wallet back into my pocket. "Can I ask you one more thing?"
"Go ahead."
"Well-maybe this will sound stupid, but I thought-that is, Tanjy said that telepaths don't have much identity. That is, you don't have much attachment to body, house, clothes, that kind of stuff. But, you ... ?" I pointed around the room and shrugged and looked at her.
The Chinese girl looked annoyed again. "Right. That's the carpetbagger's justification again." She said, "The truth is that some telepaths do and some telepaths don't. My duties require me to stay local. Twice a month, I rejoin the network and go worldwide. I have work that has to be done on-site. That's the limit of my telepathic participation. I hate leaving my body in the pool, because I never know who's going to be in it while I'm gone or what damage they're going to do."
I stood there, feeling very guilty. I wanted to apologize, and at the same time-I didn't want to. I didn't want to admit that Tanjy/Ted-and I had been like two small boys playing with a girl's body while she wasn't home. I felt like the time my cousin and I had been caught looking in my sister's underwear drawer-only this was worse. Far worse. This time I didn't have a cousin here to share the blame. And we'd been playing with far more than her underwear.
I said, "Um, I understood-I mean, I was told that there were certain ... agreements between telepaths. "