"Yeah-better start preparing him."
I pulled off my O-mask and goggles, and climbed into the back to see what I could do for Duke. He was still moaning about his legs being red and burning. I pulled back the blanket and looked. The terramycin had done its job. The pink strands were gone from his legs-but the purple and red strands were longer. It was worm fur! But-why? How-?
Duke's whole body was hot. The console said his temperature was 102. His face was dry. His skin was red and cracked. His eyes were puffed up so badly, I was sure he couldn't see out of them, but he turned his face toward me and managed to croak something. I didn't understand. I had to put my face closer. "What-?"
"Ho ... go ho ... tay ho. . . ."
"Home? Right, Duke. We're on our way. Just hang on a little longer, okay?" I squeezed his arm in what was meant to be a reassuring gesture, but he writhed at my touch. "I'm sorry-just hang on, Duke. A little longer. Danny's coming to get you. Your son-"
He turned his head away from me.
There was nothing more I could do for him. I climbed back down to the front of the ship. Lizard was just signing off. She nodded to me. "They're rigging a crab and a zip line."
I grunted and sank down into my seat. "Everything okay back there?" she asked.
"Yeah," I replied. I wasn't very convincing.
She reached over and patted me. "You're doing fine, McCarthy. Hang on just a little longer."
I looked at her sourly. "That's what I just told Duke."
"Sorry," she said.
"We're gonna lose him. I know it-"
"Jim-"
"I am tired of all this dying!" I said. "I hate it! I just hate it!" I could hear the raggedness in my own voice and how loud I sounded in the cramped cabin of the chopper, and abruptly I realized just how close I was to the edge.
I turned away from Lizard and buried my face against my arm, trying to create even a small private space for my frustration. I motioned behind me for her to just keep her distance and please not say anything. "No-just leave me alone for a while. Okay?"
"Sure. Okay."
The chopper was cold. There were tiny patches of frost on the walls where the freezer had sprayed-and ice crystals. It smelled of cotton candy and shelterfoam. There was a faint pink haze in the air, but it wasn't strong enough to cover the smell of our sweatand the other smell too. The smell from the back of the ship.
We sat in silence. We listened to the eternal sound of the Chtorran ecology eating. We watched its myriad tiny forms scuttling across the windshield of the chopper. There were a lot less of them now. They probably didn't like the light and had gone elsewhere. The only critters left were the ones that didn't care.
One of the pink furballs was humping right across my field of vision. Almost mechanically, I picked up my camera and began photographing it. The creature had a tiny puckered mouth and it vacuumed up everything in its path. Maybe this was a larval worm. I wondered if I'd live to find out. I wondered if this would be my legacy-these pictures.
"Hey-" I lowered the camera and looked at Lizard.
"What?"
"I just realized. Duke's only a captain. How come Danny's a colonel?"
"You want the truth?"
"Yeah!"
"Do you know much about what happened in Pakistan?"
"Not a lot, no. That was a long time ago."
Lizard sighed. "Fifteen years is not a long time ago."
"I was only nine years old," I protested.
"I was in high school," Lizard replied. "Anyway, did you ever hear of the Rawalpindi Incident?"
"That I heard of."
"Well ... your Captain Anderson back there-only he was Lieutenant Anderson at the time-was... ah, actively involved."
"How actively?"
"They gave him orders. He followed them."
"I must be stupid," I said. "I don't understand what you're trying not to say."
"Captain Anderson did his job. People got killed. A lot of them. Mostly on the other side. That happens a lot in a war. Captain Anderson deserved a medal. Instead, they gave him a court-martial."
"Duke-?"
Lizard nodded. "He was acquitted-but then so was Lizzie Borden, and look at how many people remember her."
"Jeez, I didn't know any of this-"
"Not many people do any more. I had to look it up myself. It's very interesting reading. Captain Anderson can have a promotion anytime he wants. All he has to do is retire."
"No way. Not Duke."
"Mm hm. A lesser man might have resigned his commission. Captain Anderson didn't. You ought to look up his statement to the court. That's the most interesting part. It's about the real meaning of service; he said, `Commitment means not quitting just because the job got tough."'
"But they never promoted him after that?"
"Right. "
I thought for a moment. Her explanation made sense-except it didn't. I looked at Lizard sharply. "There's something else you're not telling me, isn't there?"
She didn't answer. "Well ... ?" I prompted.
"All right..." she sighed. "You'd better hear it from me, I guess."
"Hear what?"
"The other reason you were pulled out of Colorado is that Danny asked me, off the record, to find something a little less dangerous for Captain Anderson. You know, he's over fifty?"
"Duke?"
"Yeah, Duke."
I glanced to the back of the chopper. I'd never thought of Duke as really old.
"I told you I looked up his record. It's impressive. So I asked for him to be assigned to me. You were part of the package, so you got pulled too. But it could have happened anyway. We're pulling a lot of personnel out of the Rocky Mountain District right now for California."
I grunted a polite acknowledgment. I didn't like the implications. Lizard reached over and put her hand on mine. She waited till I looked up at her. Her eyes were incredibly blue. "Listen, stupid. I did mean what I said about your expertise. I could have put you and Duke anywhere, but I asked for you in my section because the two of you are exactly what I need right now. I especially appreciate your sense of the Chtorran ecology. I've learned to appreciate it even more in the past two days."
"Thanks," I said grumpily. I even meant it.
"Are you unhappy about that?"
"Listen-" I said. "As long as we're telling the truth ... the only reason I'm the best worm expert in California is that there aren't any others. You think too much of my abilities."
"You haven't done too badly here."
"There's no trick to that."
"Oh? Really?"
"Sure. You just ask yourself what could make this situation worse. Then plan for that. If it happens, you look like you know what you're doing. If it doesn't, you're still better prepared to handle whatever does happen."
"You're kidding."
"Nope. Try it." I gestured toward the windshield. "What could make this situation worse?"
She said, "Looking out the window and seeing a whole family of worms surrounding the chopper."
I glanced at my watch. "Probably within fifteen minutes."
"You don't need to be so cheerful about it."
I shrugged. "It's hard being right. You get cocky. Besides, what else can go wrong?"
She looked at me sharply. "You don't want this transfer, do you?"
"No, I don't," I said candidly. "I don't like the way it's been handled. It's been too abrupt. And I don't like leaving a job unfinished. We were making real progress in Colorado."
"Uh huh." She nodded. "You want to know something about that?"
"What?"
"Nobody's ever going to pull you off an important job unless the one they're putting you on is even more important. You might want to remember that. It's true even when there are other considerations."