He panicked, raised the scissors and struck. First the woman, then the man. In the throat and chest and stomach: in all the wretched places that were pumping the breath and quickening the organs to create those terrible screams. Again and again and again he stabbed, till there was silence.
No one came to investigate. The streets were accustomed to the caterwauling of lonely lunatics and the howling of disillusioned dipsomaniacs. Across the road someone laughed hysterically; dogs barked; a temple bell clanged. Rajaram fled the place, walking as fast as he dared without attracting attention.
Later he threw away his scissors, his bloodstained clothes, and the hair. The first chance he got, he shaved his head and moustache, for when the police questioned the people in the area, the beggars would be sure to describe the fellow who used to come around regularly, cutting and collecting hair.
“But I am not safe,” said Rajaram. “Though it has been months, the CID is still looking for me. God knows why my case fascinates them — there are hundreds of other crimes taking place every day.” The tea in his cup had gone cold. He made a face as he swallowed it. “So now you know every unfortunate thing that has happened. Will you help me?”
“But how?” said Ishvar. “Maybe it is best to give yourself up. It seems hopeless for you.”
“There is hope.” Rajaram paused and leaned closer, fixing his eyes on them. They were shining a little now. “As I first told you, I want to renounce this world of trouble and sorrow. I want the simple existence of a sanyasi. I want to meditate for long hours in a cold, dark Himalayan cave. I will sleep on hard surfaces. Rise with the sun and retire with the stars. Rain and wind, no matter how strong, will be of little consequence to my mortified flesh. I will throw away my comb, and my hair and beard will grow long and knotted. Tiny creatures will find peaceful refuge in them, digging and burrowing as they choose, for I will not disturb them.”
Ishvar raised his eyebrows and Om rolled his eyes, but Rajaram did not notice either of them. He pushed aside his teacup slowly, deliberately, as though performing his first act of abnegation. The wild, romantic vision of an ascetic was a stimulant to his imagination, giving it a graphic turn.
“I will go with bare feet, my soles and heels cracked, torn, bleeding from a dozen lesions and lacerations to which shall be applied no salve or ointment. Snakes wandering across my path in dark jungles will not frighten me. Stray dogs will nip at my ankles as I roam through strange towns and remote villages. I will beg for my food. Children, and sometimes even adults, will mock me and throw stones at me, scared of my strange countenance and my frenzied inward-gazing eyes. I will go hungry and naked when necessary. I will stumble across rocky plains and down steep hills. I will never complain.”
His eyes had drifted from his audience, focusing wistfully in the distance, having already started their travels across the subcontinent. He seemed to be rather enjoying himself, as though it were a holiday itinerary he was planning. In the cook’s corner, the stove ran out of fuel. Without its roar the place was hushed.
The silence dragged Rajaram away from his daydream, back to the Vishram’s solitary and smelly table. The cook went to the rear to fetch the kerosene can. They watched him insert the funnel and fill the stove.
“Worldly life has led me to disaster,” said Rajaram. “It always does, for all of us. Only, it’s not always obvious, as was in my case. And now I am at your mercy.”
“But we don’t know anything about becoming a sanyasi,” said Ishvar. “What do you want from us?”
“Money. I need train fare to reach the Himalayas. There is hope of redeeming myself — if I can get away from the police and CID.”
They returned to the flat. Rajaram waited at the door while Ishvar went inside and asked Dina to let him have, out of their savings, the price of a third-class Frontier Mail ticket.
“It’s your money, and it’s not for me to say how you spend it,” she said. “But if he is renouncing the world, why does he need train fare? He can get there on foot, begging his way like other sadhus.”
“That’s true,” said Ishvar. “But that would take a lot of time. He is in a hurry for salvation.”
He took the money out to Rajaram on the verandah, who counted it, then hesitated. “Could I possibly have another ten rupees?”
“For what?”
“Sleeping berth surcharge. It’s very uncomfortable to sit all night through such a long train journey.”
“Sorry,” said Ishvar, almost ready to snatch back the notes. “We can’t spare any more than this. But please visit us if you are in the city sometime, we can have tea together.”
“I doubt it,” said Rajaram. “Sanyasis don’t take vacations.” Then he laughed mirthlessly and was gone.
Om wondered if they would ever see him again. “His habit of borrowing money was a nuisance, but he was an interesting fellow. He brought us news of the world.”
“Don’t worry,” said Ishvar. “With Rajaram’s luck, all the caves will be occupied when he gets there. He’ll come back with a story about how there was a No Vacancy sign in the Himalayas.”
XIV. Return of Solitude
DUST AND FLECKS OF FIBRE made Dina sneeze as she cleaned out the sewing room and sorted the leftovers. The rush of breath lifted bits of fabric. The last dresses had been delivered to Au Revoir, and Mrs. Gupta was informed about the six-week break.
Now Dina regarded the approaching emptiness of time with curiosity. Like a refresher course in solitude, she thought. It would be good practice. Without tailors, without a paying guest, alone with her memories, to go through them one by one, examine like a coin collection, their shines and tarnishes and embossments. If she forgot how to live with loneliness, one day it would be hard for her.
She set aside the best swatches for the quilt, stuffing the remainder in the bottom shelf. The Singers were pushed into a corner and the stools stacked on top, which provided more room around the bed. The tailors’ trunk, packed and ready, stood on the verandah. The things they were not taking were stored in cardboard boxes.
With two days to departure and nothing to do, the passing hours had a strangeness to them, loose and unstructured, as though the stitches were broken, the tent of time sagging one moment, billowing the next.
After dinner Dina resumed work on the quilt. Except for a two-square-foot gap at one end, it had grown to the size she wanted, seven by six. Om sat on the floor, massaging his uncle’s feet. Watching them, Maneck wondered what it might be like to massage Daddy’s feet.
“That counterpane looks good, for sure,” said Om. “Should be complete by the time we return.”
“Could be, if I add more pieces from old jobs,” she said. “But repetition is tedious. I’ll wait till there is new material.” They took opposite ends of the quilt and spread it out. The neat stitches crisscrossed like symmetrical columns of ants.
“How beautiful,” said Ishvar.
“Oh, anyone can make a quilt,” she said modestly. “It’s just scraps, from the clothes you’ve sewn.”
“Yes, but the talent is in joining the pieces, the way you have.”
“Look,” Om pointed, “look at that — the poplin from our first job.”
“You remember,” said Dina, pleased. “And how fast you finished those first dresses. I thought I had found two geniuses.”
“Hungry stomachs were driving our fingers,” chuckled Ishvar.
“Then came that yellow calico with orange stripes. And what a hard time this young fellow gave me. Fighting and arguing about everything.”