“If you’re not here to help Nyktos, then why are you here?” I asked. “To assuage your guilt?”
“My conscience is long past that.”
“Then what?” I demanded. “To tell me you’re secretly loyal to Nyktos, despite your actions?”
“I’m loyal only to the true Primal of Life.” His head cocked to the side. “That was Eythos, and now it is you. Yes, you only have two Primal embers,” he added quickly, “but that still makes you, for all intents and purposes, the true Primal of Life, as long as those embers remain inside you.”
The embers warmed in response, and I decided to ignore it. “You have a real fucked-up, unhelpful way of showing your loyalty.”
He huffed out a laugh. “You do wonders for one’s self-worth, you know that?”
“Well, what I’m about to say won’t help in that department. I think you’re a fool.” Anger thinned my voice. “I think all of you Primals are fools if you blindly serve another based on some embers or stolen titles.”
“Blindly serve?” He chuckled under his breath. “Sera—may I call you that?”
“No.”
A wider smile appeared, hinting at a dimple. “Only those destined for war serve a King or Queen simply because they carry embers or claim themselves a ruler. I would know.” He paused. “Seraphena.”
My nose scrunched. “That sounded very philosophical and nice, and I bet it made you feel clever, but in reality, you said nothing.”
“See this scar?” He pressed a forefinger to the shallow slice on his cheek. “Kolis put it there. Do you want to know why?”
Based on what little Ash had been able to tell me about Attes, and what I’d picked up on, I thought I’d be better off not knowing. That would make me a coward, though, so I nodded.
“Eythos wasn’t the only one who paid the price for Kolis losing Sotoria. The cost for Eythos was Mycella’s life.” Wisps of eather stirred violently in Attes’s irises. “But many others were caught in that rise of violence—friends, parents, lovers, favored draken.” His lips thinned, and his features tightened with the kind of pain that never really went away. The word he spoke next was low, sounding as if it came from the depths of his soul. “Children.”
Oh, gods. A tremor went through me.
“When I tried to stop him… This?” He gestured to the scar once more. “This is what a bone of an Ancient wielded by a Primal of Death can do.”
I’d suspected something like that had happened. The loss of a lover or even a Consort. But… I had a feeling what Kolis took from Attes had been a part of him. “I didn’t know.”
“How could you?” he asked. “Our losses are our stories to share. Nyktos, being born of that kind of loss, would’ve respected that.”
My heart twisted as my gaze tracked over the scar. The ones I couldn’t see were likely far deeper. Godsdamn, my heart hurt. “I’m sorry.”
“So am I.” He closed his eyes. “Is that a good enough reason for you?”
Clearing my throat, I blinked back tears. “Yes.”
The eather in his eyes had slowed when he reopened them. “I’ve never stood with Kolis. Not truly.”
“Then I have a question for you.” Anger returned to my voice. “Has it never occurred to you to share this with Nyktos?”
“Why would I do that?” he countered. “I’ve never known where Nyktos really stands when it comes to Kolis.”
My brows shot up. “Are you kidding? He hates—”
“Hating someone doesn’t mean you will cease serving them, especially if doing so benefits you,” he cut in. “Confiding in him without knowing his true thoughts and intentions was a risk to my Court and everyone who relies on me.”
Indignation rose. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “He never would’ve turned you over to Kolis.”
“You think that?”
I met his stare. “I know that.”
Attes laughed softly. “You have no idea what any of us has done or what we are capable of if backed into a corner. And that includes Nyktos.”
I started to argue, but thought about that one decent bone Ash claimed to have that belonged to me and only me. I knew he had far more goodness in him than that. What he did for the Chosen he could save, the young Pax, who he’d rescued from the streets, and countless others were proof of that. But there was a cool ruthlessness to Ash. I’d seen it.
“There used to be a time when we trusted one another,” Attes said, his voice taking on a distant quality. “When we Primals worked together for the betterment of Iliseeum and the mortal realm. That time has long since passed. And while Nyktos’s dislike of Kolis was clear to anyone who remotely paid attention, he was still loyal when it came down to it.”
“He did what he could to make a stand against Kolis,” I hissed. “But he had no choice but to serve him.”
“Exactly.” Attes threw up his hands in frustration. “None of us has had much of a choice, Seraphena.”
I looked away. His reasons for not confiding in Ash were valid…and yet not good enough for me. “So, what’s different now?”
“You,” he said. My fingers pressed into my arms. “You are the reason things are different now.”
“Because of the embers?”
“Because within you resides the only one who can kill Kolis. The one who can end this. And everything must be done to protect her.”
Tension poured into my body, causing the embers to hum. I shouldn’t be surprised to hear concern for literally anything but me. Usually, it was my duty or the embers. It was never me.
Until Ash.
A sharp slice of pain hit my chest, but I breathed through it, focusing on what Attes had said. Or rather what he hadn’t. “You mean I am the only one who can stop Kolis.”
“No, Seraphena,” he said, his tone heavy. “I do not.”
My body flashed cold as I stared at Attes. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that Eythos’s plan didn’t work as he intended. And, yeah, I didn’t think it would work at all in the first place, but that is neither here nor there.” His shoulders rose with a heavy breath. “Let me ask you something. Are you and Sotoria one and the same?”
A great sense of foreboding seized me. “Why are you asking that?”
“Because I know.” His voice dropped. “I know you’re not her. Not really.”
My heart lurched as his features blurred in a hazy fog of disbelief.
“There’s an uncanny resemblance between you and Sotoria. So much so that I don’t know how Kolis didn’t see it immediately. I don’t think he could let himself,” he continued, almost cautiously, his words low and measured. “But if you were Sotoria reborn, you would look just like her. You don’t. And you would not have been able to speak as her like you did.”
A wave of shock swept through me as my arms uncrossed, falling to my sides. Attes was possibly the first person to say that and sound like he believed it. I couldn’t even say for sure if Ash truly accepted I wasn’t Sotoria. I didn’t think it mattered because I was always Sera to him.
But I thought of what Ash had said about the Primal Keella during the coronation. Keella could follow the souls of those she captured who were reborn. Ash had not believed that Sotoria was reborn—no, that wasn’t what he had said exactly. He’d only said that he hadn’t been sure if Keella could follow Sotoria’s soul because her return hadn’t been a rebirth.
“You know what I’m saying is true. You don’t want to confirm it. I get it. You know that Kolis believing you are Sotoria is the only thing keeping you alive, and the embers of the Primal of Life safe. That’s smart.” Attes crossed the cage. “But there is no point in lying to me, Seraphena. I know Eythos’s plan did not work as he intended.”