I dialed her number and after a few rings a female voice came on the line. "Hello?" There were sounds of giggles in the background.
It wasn't Suzie, so I decided to have some fun. "Is this the residence of Suzanna Elizabeth Buckman.", I asked, in as officious and pompous a voice as I could muster.
"Uh, yeah, sure."
"Please don't say anything, but is she currently in this residence?"
The girl on the other end started acting serious. "Yes, she's here. What's this about?"
"This is Doctor Rufus T. Firefly, from the Johns Hopkins Clinic for Advanced Venereal Disease. Don't be worried, but we have a team on the way to the residence. We'll need to quarantine her for exposure to Herpes Simplex 14, the infectious version. Don't get any closer than you have to but..."
I heard a sharp bang as the phone on the other end of the line clattered onto a hard surface. Next, faintly over the line, I heard the girl yelling, "Suzie!"
"What?", yelled my sister's voice.
"Some guy says you've got the clap!"
"WHAT!?"
Marilyn was looking at me from across the room and giving me the evil eye. "She's going to kill you, and I'm going to help her!"
"Who is this!?", demanded my sister's voice angrily.
"Suzie, it's me, your brother Carl. What's wrong?"
"Were you fucking with my roommate?", she demanded.
"Suzie! How can you say that?"
"YOU ASSHOLE!", she yelled. Then I could hear her turn away from the phone and yell, "It's my asshole brother!" Then she got back on the phone with me and asked, "Just what did you tell her?"
"Who? Me? Nothing! Oh, maybe there was a question or two about you and venereal disease..."
"YOU ASSHOLE!"
I laughed. "Is that any way to speak to a guy who's about to give you a car?"
It took her a second to respond. "What did you say?" This was asked in a much more normal tone.
"We moved back home and I just bought Marilyn a new car. You want the old one? We're getting it serviced for you right now."
"Are you serious?", she asked, excitedly.
"You bet. You want it?"
"Sure!"
"Okay, hold on. Marilyn's here. You two sort it out." Marilyn had come over, with Charlie on her hip. I handed her the phone and moved into the living room. As I settled into my La-Z-Boy, I heard Marilyn start swearing about me along with my sister. After they talked for a bit, and I came back over. "Let me talk for a minute."
Marilyn handed me the phone and Charlie grabbed my nose. I pulled back and said, "Suzie?"
"What's up? This is great!"
"You're going to have to tell Dad some sort of story about this. You can't let them know that I'm giving you a car. It will be too much trouble. Dad will put you and the car on his insurance, but when he asks where you got it, just tell him somebody in the dorm moved out or something, and you got it for a song. Spin him a line of BS.", I told her.
Suzie was slow in answering. "Okay, I can do that, but you know you're going to have to settle this someday. You can't avoid them forever. Sooner or later you're going to run into them."
"Maybe so, but let's make it later. Did you and Marilyn figure out when we're bringing it up?"
Both Suzie and Marilyn answered, "Next Friday!"
I nodded at my wife and chatted with my sister a few minutes more, and then hung up.
Marilyn smiled at me. "You're a good brother, even if you are a jerk."
"That's a hell of a thing to say to the father of your infant child!", I replied.
"He has to learn about you sooner or later. Your daddy's a stinker!", she told him, holding him up towards me. Then she sniffed. "Peee-yewww! So are you!"
I held my fingers up in a cross, to ward off the evil spirits, and backed away. Marilyn just rolled her eyes and ordered me to nuke a baby bottle for a few seconds. She changed a diaper, and then fed and burped him while I watched. Then, Charlie was dumped, sleeping, into his crib in his bedroom. Marilyn came back down the stairs and into the living room, to find me back in my recliner. "I'm exhausted.", she said wearily.
Chapter 63: A Gentleman Of Leisure
"Me too!" I reached out and tugged her towards me. "Sit down and rest." I pulled her closer and my wife twisted around and sank down onto my lap in the recliner. I idly rubbed her back, but when my fingers rubbed against her bra buckle, something not quite so restful came to mind. I began moving my fingers around her bra straps and buckle under her t-shirt. "You know, I'm pretty much a gentleman of leisure these days. I would think that the woman I was married to would understand that sort of thing."
Marilyn snorted at that. "Is that what you call yourself? A gentleman of leisure? Try unemployed!"
"How about self-employed?", I countered.
"So?"
I tugged on her bra buckles and playfully snapped her with it. "Well, I simply think that the wife of a gentleman of leisure should be trying to keep her husband happy."
"Happy?", she asked, laughing. "You have anything specific in mind?"
"Well, I'd think you'd be trying to be creative about it.", I teased. I snapped the bra buckle again.
She laughed some more. "Your sister is right, you really are full of shit!" Marilyn sat upright and pulled her t-shirt up and off, and then quickly removed her bra. I smiled at her. "Is this what you had in mind?", she asked.
I put my hand on her breast and cupped it, and began flicking the nipple with my thumb. "Well, it's certainly a start!"
I helped Marilyn out of her clothes, and then she returned the favor for me, and we made love in my recliner, with it laid as far back as possible and Marilyn laying on top of me. La-Z-Boy is supposed to have a really good warranty, and we can't be the only people to have ever done this, but it'd make for a hell of an accident investigation if anything bad were to happen.
Afterwards we lay there, naked in each other's arms, idly resting and planning on a second bout, as long as Charlie stayed asleep. Marilyn laughed and said, "You know, maybe I should divorce you and take half your money. Then I can get my own teenage boy toy to take care of my needs!"
"I think I can still handle your needs.", I replied.
"Are you kidding? I'll be able to afford two teenagers as boy toys!"
"I'll handle your needs!" I wrestled Marilyn out of the chair and onto the floor, where we ended up with me on top, and being a bit more vigorous then we were in the chair. Afterwards we cuddled and I smacked her bottom for being a tease.
At that point, Charlie decided to announce himself. I groaned and Marilyn got to her feet. We dressed and she went off to take care of our son. I followed after her and then continued up to our bedroom. I stripped and took a quick shower, and then pulled on some shorts and a flowered shirt. I went commando. I also rummaged around in the closet and found a simple sundress for Marilyn and tossed that on the bed as well.
I went back downstairs to find Marilyn changing Charlie's diaper again, and putting a fresh outfit on him. "Daddy took a shower.", she told him. "Now Daddy gets to play with you while Mommy takes a shower!"