Before I could say a word, a short brunette squealed, "Oh my God! You made it! Carl Buckman!" The other two women grinned madly at this. The little brunette came scampering around the table and wrapped her arms around me. "It's been so long!"
What the hell?! I glanced over at Marilyn, mortally embarrassed by whoever this woman was, now embracing me in front of my wife. Marilyn, however, was anything but shocked. She was grinning madly at me.
The little brunette stepped back. "Carl! I can't believe you don't remember us!" She tapped a name tag on her substantial chest - 'TAMMY (BRAXTON) BRONSON'.
I glanced at the name tag and it all came flooding back. It was Tammy Braxton, one of my old girlfriends! She was also about six months pregnant! Oh, God, could it get any worse? I was being hugged by an old girlfriend in front of my wife! Nothing to do but brazen it out! "My, God, Tammy, I can't believe it! You look great! So you ended up marrying Randy after all?" I turned to Marilyn. "This is my wife, Marilyn. Marilyn, this is one of my friends back in high school."
Marilyn smiled. "I thought so."
Tammy looked my wife over and said, "Well, she's definitely your type!", which caused Marilyn to grin broadly, even more so at my discomfort.
"Huh?"
"Short, curvy, brunette!", answered Tammy. She threw her arms out in a modeling pose.
Then I noticed that one of the other women behind the table had come out, too. She struck the same pose, and on her name tag it said, 'SHELLEY (TALBOT) MOORE'. She was now back to being a frosted blonde, but she told Marilyn, "I was a brunette when we dated."
I looked over at Marilyn and swallowed. "We were just friends."
"I'll just bet you were friendly!", said Marilyn. Behind the table the third woman, a tall and slender blonde, simply smirked and tried to stifle her laughter.
"I'm so glad you could come! Tessa said she was going to get you to come. It's been so long!", said Tammy.
Tessa? She was involved in this? I began to smell a rat! "Oh?" I glanced over at Marilyn, who was grinning and nodding and laughing at me. "Tessa talked to you about this?"
"You know it! She told me I'd get to meet all your old girlfriends and talk to them about you. I couldn't wait!"
"Oh, sweet suffering Jesus! No, please God, no!", I said. I could see my life flashing before my eyes! "Marilyn, I swear, we were just friends!" I reached over to the table and poured myself a beer into a clean cup.
Tammy inserted herself between my wife and I, and Shelley got on the other side of Marilyn, and they began steering her through the clubhouse towards the rear. "We have got so much to talk about!", said Shelley.
"We used to call it the Carl Buckman Experience.", I heard Tammy say, just before they left the room.
At that I spewed the sip of beer out and across the lobby. "Oh my God! This just keeps getting better and better!"
The blonde, whose tag read, 'JOY (GAYLORD) SIMPKINS', just laughed at me. "So you had a type?! All those times I flirted with you and you never acted on it, now I know why. I could have dyed my hair, but no way was I doing anything about the short and curvy parts."
I remembered Joy now, a very pretty, but tall and slender blonde. I didn't remember her flirting with me, but it had been many years. "Sorry about that." She just laughed, and then handed me a couple of nametags. "I think this is going to be a disaster.", I told her.
"Karma's a bitch, Carl.", she laughed.
"How come we're here?", I asked, deflecting the conversation. I waved my hands at the surrounding tennis club. "Why'd we meet here and not down in Towson?"
"You don't like it here?", she asked, a touch defensively.
"No, just curious."
She nodded. "The price is right. It's free!" She gave me a big smile. "My husband and I own the club!"
"No kidding, well, good for you! It looks very nice. I guess that explains it, then."
She waved me on through, and then turned to wave at somebody else coming in. I didn't even look behind me at them, but just shambled on through. My thoughts were on what trouble my wife was getting into.
The first person I ran across who I immediately recognized was Tusker, who was sitting at a table on the right side with a few of the other bikers from back in the day. He saw me and laughed. "Well, look what the cat dragged in! Where's Marilyn?"
"Filing for divorce. Do you know what Tessa has done?! She told Marilyn that she would introduce her to all my old girlfriends! I'm a dead man!"
The rest of the table exploded in laughter, Tusker included. "Oh, it's worse than that! After you agreed to come, Tessa got on the phone with some of her old friends and they made a list, and invited as many of them to come as they could! Your wife is about to find out all your old secrets!"
I stared at him. "Oh, tell me you're joking! I might be divorced, but you are about to become a widower, because I am about to kill your wife! How could you let her do this!?"
Tusker poured me some beer. "Oh, buddy, you deserve this!", he said, laughing.
"Some friend you are!" I clipped my nametag on, and then shook hands with the rest of the table, some of whom I remembered, some of whom I didn't. After a few minutes, I excused myself and went in search of Marilyn.
I found her at a table, surrounded by about a half dozen women, all of whom I recognized, none of whom I particularly wanted to see talking to my wife. "Ladies, good to see you all." There were several squeals and waves, and Linda Bravo jumped up and kissed me on the lips, as the rest of the table snickered. I handed Marilyn her nametag. "Just remember, we were all just friends, that's all, just friends."
Linda piped up, "That's not the way I remember it!"
"Oh? Well, maybe I should go find your husbands and let them know just how friendly all of you were?!"
There was a gabble of noise at that, some protesting but most laughingly telling me to go ahead. Tammy waved it off and said, "Go ahead, see if I care. He already knows, don't you think!"
That was true; Randy had started dating her after we broke up. "Maybe I'll tell him the truth about you, then."
"Honey, please! What I learned with you, I refined. Nobody talks about the Carl Buckman Experience anymore. Now it's the Tammy Bronson Experience people want to know about!" That earned me a tableful of catcalls and laughs, and I just surrendered the field to them.
I wandered around the tents. The reunion was doubling as a crab feast, which I heartily approved of. There was some fried chicken if you didn't like crabs, which Marilyn didn't, but it had been a few years since I had steamed crabs, and as soon as I could peel my wife away from the hen party ratting me out, I would have some. I suppose it was like any reunion. Some people you remember, a lot you don't, and even more you realize you didn't know them before to begin with.
I found myself sitting at a table with Tusker, Randy Bronson, Ray Shorn and his wife, Mike Misner and his wife, and Katie Lowenthal. Katie was still single (and looking hotter than hell, she had lost all the weight from high school!) and Tessa and Tammy were still talking to Marilyn. I looked at Randy and Tusker, and told them, "I am going to kill your wives for this."