The waiter answered, "Yes, sir, of course. Anything in particular?"
"Canadian Mist? Or Canadian Club if you don't have it."
"Yes sir, of course.", replied the waiter.
We sipped on our coffee and tea while the waiter went to the bar. A few minutes later he returned with a pair of snifters, setting one down in front of each of us. I just stared at mine in disbelief. "Holy Christ!", I told my friend. "I thought he'd just bring back a shooter! There must be four ounces of whiskey here!"
Marty laughed and swirled his cognac in his snifter. "I wonder if we can set it on fire?"
"Oh, good Christ! Do you remember that night? Remember how I ended up being thrown in the pool over that?" I swallowed some of my whiskey, which I have to admit, was very nice.
Marty held his snifter out to me. "To the Polar Bear Club!"
I tinked my glass against his. "And all the idiot members of it!"
After we were nearing the bottoms of our snifters, I commented, "If it's just a question of money, I could always raise your pay? What the hell? That's how the real world works? Supply and demand! High end people cost more!" I think I was starting to slur things, but wasn't sure.
Marty was coherent enough to be listening. "Forget it! It doesn't work that way! That's a government job! You can't moonlight or get paid under the table. Why do you think these guys all want to work for the lobbying firms? So they can make some money!"
"Marty, let me tell you something. I may not know shit about government, but I know about people and money, and if there's a way to do something, it can be figured out."
"Well, when you figure this out, let me know. I'll be curious!" Now Marty was slurring a bit.
I waved down the waiter and handed him my American Express card, wishing now that I hadn't ordered the whiskey. I also asked him to order the driver up. He came back, I signed away a ludicrously large piece of my net worth, and we left. Marty was staggering slightly as we went outside. I took a breath of air and got enough oxygen flowing to stay awake, and helped my friend into the limo. By the time I went around to the other side and climbed in, Marty was asleep.
The driver and I stared at each other. "Crap! I was hoping he would help me get inside, not the other way around!", I said.
"Yes, sir.", the driver replied, laughing. "Do you know an address for him?"
I shrugged. "Not a clue. Let's take him over to my place. He can sleep on the couch. Maybe you can help me with him."
He nodded. "If not, I have a brother in law with a construction company. We can borrow their crane."
We went over to 30th and up the driveway. I unlocked the front door and propped it open, then the two of us got Marty upright and headed inside. We dumped him on the couch, and then I stumbled upstairs to bed.
I woke up late the next morning, wondering why I was still wearing a suit. I remembered why when I stood up, and discovered I had a major league headache. I stumbled into the bathroom and stripped off my clothing, and then swallowed a half dozen Advils. I stood under the shower for a long, long time, then crawled out and had a few more Advils. I handle ibuprofen very well, much better than aspirin or Tylenol. Then I remembered my guest downstairs. I grabbed a robe and padded barefoot down to the living room.
Marty was absent, but there was a handwritten note on a scrap of paper in the kitchen. "Took cab ... great place ... call me" along with one of his business cards. I made myself some cereal and juice, and ate that, and then headed upstairs again. I was very late when I got into my office.
As soon as I hit the Longworth building Mindy and Chuck followed me into my office. I was all cleaned up and dressed, but my eyes were bloodshot and my pallor was a bit grey. Mindy said, "Long night?"
I looked at her and said, "If I wanted a woman to scold me, I'd get married. Oh, yeah! I did! Too bad you're not my wife."
Chuck was oblivious, and immediately announced I had missed an appointment with somebody from the Renewable Fuels Association that morning. I looked over at Mindy, who gave me a blank look. I grabbed my planner off the desk and flipped it today's page. No meetings were scheduled. "Chuck, there's nothing listed for today."
He waved his left hand dismissively. "This is something that just came up."
"No, Chuck, it didn't. If you had somebody scheduled to meet me this morning, then you scheduled it no later than yesterday, so it could have been put in my calendar. When did you actually schedule this meeting?"
Chuck's eyes widened and he began to sputter. "No, no ... it wasn't like that ... I mean, yes it was the other day, but no..."
"Forget it. What possible reason could I have to meet this guy?"
"Woman. Tracy Shelburne."
"Nobody cares, Chuck. What possible reason could I have to meet this lady? Renewable Fuels? What the hell is that all about?"
"Ethanol, of course.", he replied.
"Ethanol? From corn?" He nodded. "Chuck, let me tell you, the only ethanol from corn we care about in the Maryland Ninth is bourbon. What in the world did I want to speak to her about anyway?"
"There's a potential for a vote in the Technology and Innovation Subcommittee.", he told me.
"So, last week you were selling my soul to the clean coal lobby. Yesterday you tried to sell me to the oil and gas drillers. Today you wanted me to sell out to the ethanol refiners. What happens when these guys figure out that I can't possibly vote for each and every one of them? Think that might be a problem, Chuck?
"Well, you obviously can't make any promises, other than to consider their positions carefully."
I looked over at Mindy. "You know the definition of an honest politician? One who stays bought. Mindy, I need to talk to Chuck. Can you excuse us? Thank you."
Mindy stood up and left my office, closing the door behind her. Chuck watched her leave and then turned back to me. "Chuck, are you happy here? Working for me, I mean."
He looked very confused at this. "Yes, why?"
"Because right now the feeling is not mutual. I want you to listen to me very carefully. From now on, you make no appointments for me without discussing them with me first and getting my permission. Any appointments get written in the calendar. You do not keep running around selling my vote to anybody and everybody. Are you getting the gist of the discussion, or do I need to be more explicit?" I said this in as calm and even a tone of voice as I could muster.
"Congressman, I don't understand what the problem is. These are all individuals with legitimate reasons to meet with you."
"Maybe they are and maybe they aren't, but that's my ruling on this. It ends today, now. Is this clearly understood, or do I need to go find myself a new chief of staff who understands these requirements?"
Chuck's eyes snapped wide at this. "Congressman!"
"Do you understand me or not?", I pressed.
"Congressman Buckman! I don't understand the hostility of the discussion."
"Mister Hanson, for the last time, will you abide by these rules, yes or no? I need a response."
"Yes, sir, of course!"