"Yeah, right! Me and Betsy Ross!"
We both had a laugh at that. Dum-Dum was sleeping on the couch and snoring. "Where's the kids?"
"The girls went shopping in Towson with some friends. Charlie's in the pool."
"Whose car is that outside?", I asked.
Marilyn grinned. "That belongs to his new girlfriend, Missy Something-or-other."
I rolled my eyes. "Oh, boy! Let me guess. She brought her bikini?"
Marilyn simply smiled and kept knitting. Charlie was a 'chick magnet' at Hereford High. He was a big kid, good looking, handsome, muscular, and a jock. He had played both basketball and football on the varsity team last year, unusual since he had only been a sophomore. He might not have been able to drive, but it seemed like there was a steady stream of young ladies available to give him a lift. I would occasionally get an amused comment from one of the security guys who tailed him around, that they couldn't keep up with the changing cast of young ladies.
"I'm going to change.", I announced. "What's for dinner?"
"Hamburgers? We can grill them?"
I glanced out the window. It was a beautiful and sunny day. "Sounds good." I stood up and grabbed my briefcase. I went into my office and dropped off my briefcase, and then I went to our bedroom and changed into a Hawaiian shirt and cargo shorts. When I came out of the bedroom, I went into the kitchen to grab a cold beer, and as I did so, I looked out through the window to the pool. Nobody was in the pool. Curious, I went out through the patio door.
No, my eyes weren't deceiving me. The pool was empty. There were a couple of beach towels on the grass at the side, and a pair of pink flip-flops, but no kids. Grimacing to myself, I set my beer down on a patio table and went over to the pool house. The shades were partially drawn, and I couldn't really see inside, but the noises I heard made me very suspicious. Half dreading what I was about to encounter, I grabbed the doorknob and twisted. The door popped open, and there was Charlie, naked as the day he was born, laying on his back on the carpet, with an equally undressed Missy on top of him, straddling him and grinding down on him. I think they looked even more shocked than I felt when they looked up at me.
"Oh, Christ!", I muttered.
Missy squealed and rolled off my son, trying to cover herself and scrambling for her clothing, and leaving Charlie laying there, his tallywacker pointing at the ceiling. "DAD!", he protested.
I stepped back. "Playtime's over! I want you two dressed in two minutes!" I closed the door behind me as I left the pool house.
Inside I could hear the two of them scrambling around and getting dressed, and arguing about me. At one point I heard her say, "You said you could hear his helicopter coming a mile away!" I didn't catch the response. I smiled to myself. I'd have to keep that in mind for when the girls started dating.
It was over two minutes, but not by much, when the door to the pool house opened, and Charlie and his girlfriend scooted out. Their faces were a mix of fear, shame, and worry, especially since I was standing there with my arms crossed and my 'Father' look on my face. 'Father' doesn't smile; my 'Dad' look is a lot more pleasant. I was blocking the path back to the house.
Charlie tried to lead Missy around me, but I stepped in their way. "Hold on, you two. We need to have a talk!", I informed them.
"What?!", they both blurted out.
I pointed back to the pool house. "Let's return to the scene of the crime. We're going to have a discussion."
They looked horrorstricken at that, but I simply moved forward and chivied them back inside. Once there, I closed the door and said, "Open the blinds and get some light in here. I sniffed theatrically, and added, "And open the windows while you're at it." There was a distinct aroma of passion in the room. Both of the teens had the decency to blush in embarrassment. After the windows were opened and a breeze began blowing, I pointed at the couch. "Sit!" They sat down, painfully upright. I sat in an armchair in a much more relaxed pose.
"Okay, let's have a little conversation. Let me ask you a few questions. What kind of birth control are you two using?", I started with.
I don't think they were expecting that question, or maybe they just weren't expecting any questions, just a lecture. They looked at each other. Charlie started gabbling out an answer and she squeaked out, "I'm on the Pill."
I nodded. "Uh, huh. Were you also using a condom?"
"What?", they both uttered.
"A condom. You do know what they are, correct? Or were the both of you virgins before today?"
They started squawking about my questions, and Missy stood up. "You can't ask me that! I'm leaving!"
I shrugged. "There's the door. You leave and I'll be on the phone with your parents before you ever make it home." It was true, too. The security guys had her license number. I could make a call to the State Police and get a name and phone number before she cleared the driveway. Missy stopped dead in her tracks with a look of sheer horror on her face. I pointed back at the couch. "Or you can sit down and act like a grown up. You two think you're old enough for adult fun and games, then you're old enough for an adult conversation. Sit!"
Missy sat back down next to Charlie, looking defeated. "Now, were either of you virgins today?" Both turned beet red, and shook their heads in the negative. "Uh, huh. Next question – have you had other sexual partners before today?"
They both looked at each other. Charlie answered very slowly, "Yes."
Missy nodded, and also said, "Yes."
"Did both of you get tested for a sexually transmitted disease before you two became sexually active with each other?"
"Dad! It's not like ... No!"
"Jesus! What kind of girl..."
I held my hands up and told them to be quiet. It took a second. "Listen, I don't care who you are screwing or how many. What I care about is that nobody gets AIDS! You've heard about it, right? You've taken Health class, right? Were you paying attention!? There's no cure! You'll die from it! Use condoms! Jesus Christ, why the hell do you think they sell them!?" I chewed their asses a few minutes more, and then sent them on their merry way. Charlie I told to stick around.
Charlie gave Missy a very self-conscious kiss at her car, and then she took off. I wasn't sure how serious this romance was, but this couldn't have helped. So be it. As she left, I called him back, and pointed to the pool house. Time for another conversation. He came back over and I ushered him back inside, and closed the door again. "Sit down, Romeo. We need to finish this."
"Dad..."
"Shut up, Charlie. I didn't get into this in front of the young lady, but we need to talk." He shut his mouth. I settled back into the armchair. "Do you own any rubbers? Have you ever used a rubber?"
"No."
"No, you don't own any, or no, you've never used one?"
Charlie sheepishly admitted, "Neither."
"So, all of your girlfriends have been on the Pill?", I pushed.
"Dad!" I waited there and motioned for him to continue. "Uh, most have been on the Pill." My eyes opened wide at his idiocy, and I sat upright. Alarmed, he continued, "She said it was the wrong time, we'd be safe!" It tumbled out in a rush.