"Like who?"
I shrugged. "Keating is on the short list, right?" George nodded. Frank Keating was the Governor of Oklahoma. "Former FBI agent, former assistant U.S. Attorney, former Associate Attorney General, good conservative credentials ... sounds like a shoo-in for the Attorney General's slot, right. I can tell you right now that Cheney doesn't like him or want him. Wait until Cheney turns over his file on Keating to the press."
"What about your file?"
I threw my hands up at that. "What in the world is less secret than my life? What could they possibly find on me that hasn't already been used against me. Besides, no way do I have any kind of chance. I am much too moderate for the hard core Evangelicals that George and Karl Rove are courting. It's more likely I'll be burned in effigy than be elected to a national office."
"So why tell me?"
Again I shrugged. "I just thought you'd be curious to see how the process was really working. You're a curious guy, right?"
That didn't get an answer, and after a few more minutes, he left with the envelope.
Things got interesting that Friday. George Will had apparently been following up on my information and his column detailed the influence Dick Cheney was having over George Bush. It detailed how Bush had turned over the entire Vice Presidential and Cabinet selection process to Cheney. It also stated that Cheney hadn't been through his own vetting process, which he must have gotten from somebody else. It ended with an interesting conclusion.
An administration is more than simply who the President is; an administration is the people he chooses to implement his policies. To that extent then the forthcoming election would seem to be a contest between the winner of the Democratic primary, Al Gore, and the unelected winner of the Republican primary, Dick Cheney.
George Will might be a conservative and a Republican, but first and foremost he was a journalist and pundit. He must have known what a bomb he was igniting in the campaign. The Sunday morning talk shows were loaded with senior campaign operatives and consultants arguing that Governor Bush was in complete charge of the selection of the Vice Presidential nominee and the other cabinet members, and that there was actually a process in place to begin interviews. Notably absent from any discussions were either Bush or Cheney.
The following Monday morning, I got a call from Cheney's office and was asked to meet with a few staffers for a more personal vetting that afternoon. Joe Allbaugh, the campaign manager, had gone through my responses and now had more questions. There were some questions that had arisen with my responses. I met with them in the Whip's office. It became very obvious to me, very quickly, that I was not going to be a serious candidate. Among the exchanges, we had the following topics:
Military Service:
Q: Explain, in detail, how you earned your Bronze Star.
A: I'm sorry. That drop was classified Top Secret.
Q: It will be critical to know so that we can properly use this in the campaign!
A: That was classified Top Secret. I am not allowed to speak about it.
Q: Congressman, that happened 19 years ago. We need to know the details.
A: Good for you! Now, all you need to do is trot over to the Pentagon and get the Chief of Staff to sign off on my breaking security, and have him put it in writing, and I will be happy to tell you!
Q: This isn't very helpful, Congressman.
A: Top Secret! I still hold a reserve commission and a security clearance. What branch did you serve in and what was your clearance? (No answer to that one!)
Charity:
Q: Why do you donate to Planned Parenthood?
A: Because I want to. They do good work.
Q: That isn't going to be popular, Congressman. You shouldn't be donating to a charity for abortions.
A: Fine, then don't donate your money to it. It's my money; I'll give it to who I want to. (This also applied to a number of my other donations. I was either giving to the wrong people, or not giving to the right people.)
Church:
Q: Where do you go to church?
A: I don't.
Q: Never?
A: When I do go to church, I accompany my wife to her church. She's a member of Our Lady of Grace in Parkton. They're Catholic.
Q: It's important to show that you are a Christian and a regular member of a church, Congressman.
A: Then ask my wife to run.
Business:
Q: Congressman Buckman, why did you invest in [insert name here – they named several firms]?
A: So I could make money. Why do you think I invested in them? (At that point these financial wizards would want to know why we structured a deal this way or that, and I told them that when they were multibillionaires, they could feel free to give me advice.)
Q: Why does your blind trust invest primarily in the Buckman Group and related companies?
A: Maybe because I built a great investment company and I taught them how to make a lot of money. You should give it a try someday.
and finally, my favorite, Personal:
Q: Why did you parents disown you?
A: Because they didn't like me. (I think by this point they were agreeing with my parents!)
Q: Why did you think it was necessary to shoot your brother?
A: Because he broke into my house and was trying to kill me.
Q: You have a black belt in karate. Why didn't you use karate to disarm him and capture him?
A: Because he had a big knife.
Q: Why didn't you simply shoot it out of his hand?
A: Were you always this dumb, or did you take a special class?
At that point the interview was over. We never did get to my voting positions or public statements. I am sure that they went back to Dick Cheney with the conclusion that I was both unsuitable and uncooperative. I told Marilyn about it that night, and she was more than a little amused. She told me, "Carling, your biggest problem is that you don't tolerate fools very well, and to you, most people are fools."
"So? You married me. Does that make you a fool? Then how come I tolerate you?"
At that she giggled and said, "Would you like me to demonstrate?"
I smiled and nodded. "Maybe you're not so foolish after all!"
Chapter 126: Selection
Marty Adrianopolis was leaving me.
It wasn't as tragic as it sounded. He was a great Chief of Staff, and I trusted him implicitly, but he had a fatal flaw. Marty was a firm believer in married bliss. He had proved this twice before. Now he was seeing a good looking blonde about ten years younger who worked in Steny Hoyer's office (it was our own little version of James Carville and Mary Matalin, only reversed.) Marty needed to make more money than he could make on a government paycheck.
"So, what are you thinking?", I asked him.
"Well, I've been talking to the guys over at ARI, and I figure I can slip over there and become an executive director, something at that level. That way I can still work with you on your projects, but I can actually make some money without jumping through so many hoops.", he replied, smiling.