Monday, July 10, at noon we would be making the announcement on the Texas. George Bush would speak first, and then I would come onstage, and after that, Marilyn and the girls would be invited out. I think this was the first time they realized that they would be involved. The twins looked excited, Marilyn looked nervous. Tuesday, July 11, through Thursday, July 13, I would be working with the campaign team on a stump speech and a schedule of appearances. Marilyn would get her own staff and schedule, which really made her nervous. Rove either didn't notice or didn't care. I suspect it was the latter. Friday, July 14, through Saturday, July 29, I would be touring the country campaigning for the Governor. The details were still being firmed up, but I could expect a variety of appearances through the 'heartland' to introduce me, and appearances every Sunday on the talk shows. Sunday, July 30, we would all fly to Philadelphia for the convention, which would start on Monday, July 31. This would run four nights. I would speak the third night and Bush would speak the fourth night. Marilyn would get her own schedule of appearances. In addition, on Wednesday, August 2, she would be one of the first speakers at the convention, and would introduce me. At that point Marilyn turned ghost white and began protesting. She was terrified of speaking publicly! She basically refused to do it! Karl didn't care. If she wanted me to become the Vice President, she would do what she was told. The kids were the same. They would learn their lines and behave. He wasn't quite that rude, which would have earned him a punch in the nose, but he came close.
The girls were actually sort of excited by the idea but their mother was on the verge of tears. I took her hand and said, "Don't worry. Let me handle this."
"I can't give a speech! I've never given a speech!"
"I know, I know. Calm down. Let me handle this."
Karl started saying something, "Congressman..."
I turned to him and cut him off. "Zip it, Karl. It's my turn now. You want to order me around, fine, knock yourself out. You ever talk to my wife or children that way again, and I'll bounce you out the door and tell the reporters why. You got that?" He babbled something but I just overrode him. "Now, let me explain something very clearly. My wife has never given a speech in her life. I'm the politician in the family, not her. I didn't marry her because she gave a great speech!" The twins giggled at that, but their mother was clinging to my hand. "Now, I will talk to Marilyn and we'll get some speechwriters in, and I can probably convince her to give it a shot, but that's all. If it doesn't work out, Marilyn won't be campaigning."
I turned back to Marilyn and said, "Don't worry so much. If I can do it, anybody can do it. Hell, look at some of the other idiots you've seen speaking! You're smarter than they are."
Marilyn had relaxed when I stood up for her (like I wouldn't?) and some color was returning to her face. "But what if I mess up?! What if I can't do it or miss my lines or freeze or something? What if..."
I laughed and hugged her. "Well, I'll just have to divorce you then, won't I? Now calm down. We'll figure this out."
I turned back to Rove, who seemed rather put out by all of this family drama. "What's next on your list?"
"Well, tomorrow morning we'll be contacting the Marines and see if we can't get your son transferred, or at least put on leave, so he can help."
"Stop it right there. My son is a Marine. He's an adult now. What he's doing is more important than whatever you have planned. He stays out of it. If I hear that you've even thought about calling the Pentagon or the Marines about him, I will go on national television and denounce you personally and publicly. Is that understood?", I told him.
It was with a considerable degree of ill grace that Rove accepted these restrictions. It was important to remember that when dealing with Karl Rove, he had the moral sense of a hungry wolf eyeing a wounded fawn. He could have given lessons in dirty tricks to Richard Nixon. One time when he was in college, he used a fake name to infiltrate the Democratic headquarters of the fellow who was running for Illinois Treasurer, stole a few reams of letterhead stationery, and then used it to send out invites to drunken orgies. He had done other stunts over the years, like planting bugs in his own office and then claiming the Democrats were doing it, and leaking information on other campaign operatives that would then make him look better. During the recent primary, Rove had managed a whisper campaign against McCain insinuating that John McCain had a love child with a black New York City prostitute, none of which was true.
At that point we took a brief break and Rove brought in some of the aides and assistants who would be working with us. Things actually began to improve, because some of these people were actual humans. Karl might have been born with the number '666' burned into his flesh somewhere, but he did have some normal people working for the campaign. This could also be simply that as the Vice Presidential nominee, I didn't rate the real spawn of Satan that worked with George Bush. I got the wannabes who had to practice being evil.
We dined on room service that evening, not wanting to be seen publicly yet. I split my time until late, alternating working with a speechwriting team on my speech on the Texas on Monday, and working with the team who were coaching Marilyn. This consisted of fifty percent holding her hands and fifty percent toning down the nonsense that they had planned. It came down to a compromise. They would write a few short test speeches, and then have Marilyn and the girls practice them on a mock stage. Then they could make a judgment before we broke apart at the end of the week. My wife and children agreed to this, though the girls were much more excited about the idea. They'd learn soon enough – ha, ha, ha!
The next few days went about like I thought they would. The official announcement was made on the deck of the USS Texas, an ancient battleship tied up to the dock in Houston. It was a fine choice for the event; the Bushes were popular in Texas and a World War II battleship made a great patriotic backdrop. George Bush made a wonderful speech extolling me to the heavens, and then I came trotting out through a hatch, smiling and waving to everybody. After that I invited Marilyn and the girls to come out, and they made the same trek, smiling and waving to everybody. Then I made a speech extolling the wonders of George Bush and 'compassionate conservatism.'
Nobody actually understood what compassionate conservatism was, but it didn't really matter. It was sort of like Humpty Dumpty in Alice in Wonderland, who said, "When I use a word it means just what I choose it to mean - neither more nor less." (As Robert Heinlein once commented about what sovereignty meant, it was somewhere between sober and sozzled in the dictionary.) The curious part to me in the whole exercise was that I was giving a stump speech for somebody other than me. Up until now, I gave a speech about how wonderful I was, not somebody else.
Tuesday it was Marilyn's turn. While she is very good talking to people one on one, and frequently talked to people after campaign appearances with me, or to reporters, she had never once given a speech or talked in public with a microphone and cameras. They rigged up an empty hall in the hotel with a podium and some lights and a camera, and Marilyn came out and gave a stump speech.
Like I told Karl Rove, I didn't marry Marilyn because she gave a good speech. Marilyn's career as a public speaker looked to be abysmally short. She never got the hang of memorizing a speech, and would simply read the words off the notes in front of her. Forget about the teleprompter, since she refused to wear her glasses or contacts. Her timing was terrible, and her speech pattern was either too fast or too slow. It was painful to watch, and got worse as the day went on. On her last run through she was crying.