Nyktos shuddered and then eased back. “I can’t. I won’t,” he panted, dropping his forehead to my shoulder. “I do not deserve this. And I sure as hell don’t deserve that from you.”
Chapter 39
Nyktos’s private quarters were a lot like his office and his bedchambers—a wide-open space outfitted with only the necessities. A large, oval table sat before doors leading to a balcony on a raised dais framed by two shadowstone pillars. Several chairs sat around the table, and I wondered how often he held meetings here. Two high-back chairs were seated by a credenza stocked with decanters of various sizes. I didn’t spy any of that radek wine. The only other piece of furniture was the thickly cushioned couch I sat on.
The walls were bare. No personal mementos, paintings, or portraits—not even a spare piece of clothing left about.
I glanced down at Reaver, sleeping with his head resting in my lap, and wondered what his room looked like in his home. Before she left to check in on Ector and find Aios, Bele had shared that Reaver had awakened briefly to ask for me. His concern pulled at my heart as I combed my fingers through his hair. He’d tried to protect me. Had nearly died because of it, and that still sent my heart racing. He was too young to experience any of this, and I knew if Kolis wasn’t stopped, the worst was yet to come.
As I watched Reaver’s chest rise and fall under the too-long shirt Bele had found for him, my thoughts spun from one thing to the next. But there was one thought that I kept coming back to.
He’d be willing to do anything for you.
What Veses had said lingered in the back of my mind like a bad dream, making me think of something else I’d heard. What Rhain had claimed after the Cimmerian came to the Rise.
I thought about those I’d seen in the courtyard of Cor Palace. Attes had appeared disgusted, but had Hanan shared the same sentiments? Kyn? Those who had been in the shadowy alcoves? If they had not been bothered by the horrors in that courtyard, they were likely also capable of depraved acts. And Veses…
I brushed Reaver’s hair back from his cheek as I counted his breaths.
Veses was likely capable of anything. And if Nyktos were truly willing to do anything for me?
Pressure settled on my chest as my thoughts traveled to terrible places. The kind that made the embers vibrate, but not with the urge to heal and restore life.
To end it.
I focused on breathing until I heard the soft click of the door. I lifted my gaze, my fingers stilling in Reaver’s hair as Nyktos walked out of the bathing chamber, dragging a towel across his damp chest. He’d waited until I finished bathing to take care of himself, and we hadn’t spoken much—and definitely not about what we’d shared.
I wasn’t sure we needed to discuss it.
I had no regrets. It wasn’t like I hadn’t been in control of my actions. I’d wanted him despite what I did and didn’t know. But that veneer of nothingness felt all the more fragile.
And I wasn’t sure if that was because of what we’d shared or what I was beginning to suspect.
Nyktos draped the towel over the back of a chair. “Still sleeping?”
I glanced down at Reaver, nodding as concern picked away at me.
“A young draken could sleep through a war.” He crouched before us, gently rearranging the blanket around Reaver’s waist. “But I think the process of healing—fully healing—takes longer than the results we can immediately see. Both Gemma and Bele slept for some time, so you shouldn’t worry.”
I exhaled slowly, not even bothering to wonder if I had projected my concern or if Nyktos had simply read my emotions.
“And you?” he asked quietly. “How are you feeling?”
“Nothing hurts.”
“I’m not talking about that.”
My eyes lifted to his, and…gods, there was a lot we needed to talk about. But I knew what he was referencing. “I wanted you,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. “That was my choice. Mine. Not your blood.” I leaned into the cushion, careful not to disturb Reaver. “What will you do with her?”
“She’ll remain below.” He brushed a damp strand of his hair back behind his ear. “I didn’t hold back. The blast of eather put her in stasis. She’ll probably be down for the count for a couple of days.”
I was relieved to hear one part of that. “And then what? You can’t keep her locked up forever.”
“And I can’t free her either.”
“Because she will go to Kolis.”
“Yeah, but besides that? I want to believe that once you become my Consort, she’ll know it’s a line she can’t cross and that she no longer has control.” Nyktos’s jaw tightened. “But I can’t be sure, especially knowing now that she’s already tried to take you before.” He looked at the table, his brows furrowing. “She never let on to the fact that she felt you.”
“How was she able to feel the embers when not even Kolis could?” I asked, frowning.
“Veses is the Primal of the Rites—of Ascensions. And not just mortal ones. If any Primal could sense a godling or a god when they were near their Ascension, it would be the true Primal of Life and her,” he explained. “But she hasn’t been able to sense even a godling nearing the end of their Culling since Kolis took my father’s embers—something she’s been vocally annoyed about over the years.”
“Let me guess,” I said. “Kolis’s act weakened her abilities?”
He nodded. “But none of us realized how powerful those embers in you are.”
I thought that over. “So, she knew that Taric and the other two gods were searching for the source of the energy that was felt in the mortal realm, and they ended up here. She also sensed something in me—eventually realizing that what she felt were the Primal embers. She put two and two together and ended up at me, and then figured…what? That Kolis would be angry with you for hiding me, so decided to have me dealt with so it didn’t blow back on you?”
“Seems to be that way,” he murmured, scratching at his chin.
“She cares about you.” The words soured my tongue, and I hated thinking them, let alone saying them, but if she was worried what might happen to Nyktos, she cared about him. Not only that, her actions could incite both Nyktos’s and Kolis’s anger.
Nyktos huffed out a humorless laugh. “In her own twisted way—or so she claims.”
I liked that even less than I did the idea of her remaining below in the cells for all the many reasons I didn’t want to think about. But also because I felt like I was missing a key piece of information.
A delicate charge of energy danced from his flesh to mine as he touched my arm. “You should try to get some rest. It’s late. We can talk more about all of this later.”
“I don’t want to leave Reaver or risk waking him by moving,” I said, and Nyktos smiled faintly before lowering himself to the floor, sitting just below me. “Are you going to stay here?”
Nyktos tipped his head back against the cushion and stared at the ceiling. “As long as you are, I will.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I know.”
“There has to be better seating.”
“I’m fine just here.” He glanced at me. “But you should still try to get some rest. Reaver will be fine.”
I nodded.
“But you’re not going to rest.”
I half-shrugged.