“I live in constant fear of that,” he murmured, his gaze locking on me.
A tiny part of me actually believed that. “I’m not nude. Not really.”
“Not really?”
I undid the robe, letting it slip down my arms. Nyktos was now the one to go utterly still at the sight of the thin, nearly transparent nightgown.
His lips parted, revealing a hint of fangs. “That’s what you normally wear to bed?” he asked roughly.
“Believe it or not, this is the most demure of the nightgowns Aios brought me.” My cheeks warmed as he watched me drape the robe over the foot of the bed.
“Good Fates,” he muttered, stiff for a moment, and then he came toward me, each step slow and measured. A sweet thrill of anticipation darted through me as I tipped my head back to look up at him.
Only a thin slit of glowing silver was visible behind his thick lashes as he slipped his fingers under the satiny strap. The backs of his cool knuckles dragged along my skin as he drew the strap up my arm. He lingered for several moments, barely touching me, but I felt the featherlight press of his skin in every part of my body. He slipped his fingers out from under the strap. “May I?”
I didn’t know at first what he was asking permission for, but I realized he was once more staring at my braid lying over my shoulder. “You…you can.”
Nyktos moved his hand then. He didn’t pick up the braid or tug on it. Just below my shoulder, he curled his forefinger and thumb around the braid. I held still as he drew his fingertip down its length, grazing the curve of my breast. I shivered.
“Did I tell you”—he continued running his thumb over the braid—“that your hair reminds me of spun moonlight?”
“Yes.”
“It’s beautiful,” he said, nearing the tie holding the strands together. He carefully tugged the band free as he had before. Slipping it onto his wrist, he gently unwound the braid, letting the mass of waves and curls fall over my shoulders. “I’ll be right back.”
I stood there, my heart thumping as he went into the bathing chamber, closing the door behind him. I didn’t move as I heard water splash, my skin still tingling with the imprint of his touch. Finally, I forced myself to move. I went to the side of the bed I’d slept on the other night and climbed in, pulling the soft blanket up my legs as I eased onto my side, facing my bedchamber. A citrus and fresh-air scent immediately surrounded me.
I heard the door open, but I didn’t turn as he went to the wardrobe. I wanted to because I knew that he was undressing, but I figured there was no point in torturing myself further.
The bed shifted as he joined me, and then darkness swallowed the chamber. “You know,” I said, “you could’ve just waited for me to go to sleep and then snuck into my bed again.”
“I could’ve,” he agreed. “But then what would I have found upon entering your chamber once you went to bed?”
I rolled my eyes. “It’s not like I do that every night.”
“Well, I find that news slightly disappointing.”
My brows lifted. I started to roll onto my back, but he spoke. He stopped me with two words. “I’m sorry.”
I stilled. “For what?”
“For earlier today,” he said after a moment. “When I suggested that your motivation for answering the summons was so you could get to Kolis. I should’ve known that wasn’t what drove you—at least not the main reason. You said that you wouldn’t go through with my plan if removing the embers resulted in others getting hurt.”
I wasn’t sure if he needed to apologize for that. If I were him, I would’ve assumed the same thing. But he had been wrong. Getting to Kolis hadn’t been the main reason, even though it should’ve been. “Thank you,” I murmured, returning my stare to the dark wall. “Does that mean you’re not going to try to leave me behind when he summons us?”
“I won’t. Not because it’s what I want, but because it’s what you want.”
I exhaled raggedly, wanting to thank him again but knowing that thanking him for this wouldn’t be appreciated.
Silence fell between us, and it went on for so long that I thought Nyktos had fallen asleep, but then he spoke again. “Why do you hold your breath so often?”
My eyes flew open. “What?”
“You hold your breath. Usually for a count, and then you exhale.”
“Gods, it’s really that noticeable?” I asked, thinking of when he’d seen me do it in the throne room while Holland and Penellaphe were there.
“Not really.”
I frowned at the darkness. “But you noticed.”
“Doesn’t mean others have.” Several beats of silence passed. “Why do you do it?”
I closed my eyes. “It’s just something that Holland taught me to do.”
He was quiet for a moment. “But why do you need to do it, Sera?”
“I don’t know.”
Nyktos didn’t speak after that. There was nothing but silence for a long time, and then it was I who spoke. “Are you worried about the summons? What will happen?”
“No,” he said, and it was a lie. The bed shifted again. His arm came over my waist, the heavy, cool weight was…pleasant. “Arm’s reach.”
I closed my eyes, trying to ignore how much I enjoyed the feel of his arm. It wasn’t until that moment that I realized I’d done something I’d never done in my entire life.
I’d left the dagger in my bedchamber.
I was in a…mood.
A morose mood as Holland would call it. It had been with me upon waking on what should’ve been my coronation day, but for the second time in my life, I’d woken on the day I was supposed to be married, only for those plans to change.
It was early, the sky still a deep shade of gray, but Nyktos had already left, and I hadn’t lingered in his bedchamber. I’d cleaned up with the fresh water someone had brought in and changed into the last gown I had, one cut quite similarly to the one I’d worn the day before but in all black. It was only after practically squeezing my breasts into the bodice and fastening the last of the buttons that I realized my clothing had finally been laundered and returned, placed in a neat stack on the bed. I sighed, having no plans of undressing.
Instead, I went to the chaise and plopped down. That’s where I stayed, my mind restless, even though my body was still. Too still.
The moods had seemed to come and go with the changes in the wind while in the mortal realm, often striking me in the night when I couldn’t sleep and had nothing to occupy my mind. Those were the nights that even the idea of occupying my body in one of the hedonistic dens littering the Luxe held no appeal.
Those were the nights I wondered if my father had been plagued by the moods. If they had played a role in his fall from the tower the night of my birth. If so, was that the only thing he’d left me, if such a thing could be passed down? I wasn’t sure. But if so, I would’ve preferred something a little less dark.
Had Sotoria felt the same? Experienced these moods? Was she—?
I stopped myself as my heart began tripping too fast, and the feeling of having no control rose swiftly. I couldn’t think about any of that, so I sat there, the day yawning before me, empty and irrelevant. Would tomorrow be the same? The day after next? There was no training to take part in. No food to take to the families affected by the Rot. No unexpected visits from Ezra or requests to aid the Ladies of Mercy. Just more waiting. No escaping from where my thoughts wanted to linger—a place that thrived on replaying all the worst moments.
The disappointments and failures.