“As far as day-to-day life though, it has its ups and downs. There are incredibly slow, dull moments, and there are times when I feel like I’m in an action movie ... and some days I wish it were a movie.” At least then I could pick up after the credits start rolling and go home, safe and sound.
Katie clears her throat. “It’s crazy it’s only been a little less than twenty-four hours since we last spoke. It felt like a whole lot longer.” There’s the girl I grew up with, I think to myself, never afraid to say exactly what she’s thinking.
“You seriously have no fucking idea.” My head falls back between my shoulders, and I run a hand along the back of my neck. “Right now, a lot of our job is just sitting around in a Humvee doing nothing, so time drags on at a snail’s pace. After the day I had, I feel like it’s been weeks since we’ve talked.”
I pause for a moment and a crackling static takes over the line. “Am I going to make a fool of myself if I say you were the only thing on my mind the entire twelve-hour mission?” I laugh, but it’s the nervous kind that comes out all wrong.
“Really?” she asks, her voice laced with disbelief.
“I haven’t stopped thinking about you since I got your first letter.”
“Devin …” The rough sound of my name falling from her lips is almost my undoing. What I wouldn’t give to hear her say my name like that, naked and writhing beneath me. “I like it. I like that you think about me … that you couldn’t stop thinking about me.” She pauses. My heart is pounding against my ribcage as I wait for her to continue—and she will continue. I can feel it. Her honesty and openness amazes me … everything about my girl amazes me.
My girl. Fuck, that sounds good.
“I’m happy to hear that you think of me because you, Sergeant Clay, have taken up way too many of my thoughts as well. So it makes me happy to hear that the feeling is mutual. I’m glad I’m not alone in this.” My chest tightens. This girl couldn’t get more perfect. How in the hell I got so lucky, I’ll never know.
“More than mutual.” The words jump from my mouth before I can stop them. Damn, it probably makes me sound like a fucking pussy, but it feels good telling her that. I shake my head, even though she can’t see me. “I looked forward to your letters and emails, Katie, but now that we’ve talked … I can’t tell you how nice it is to be able to call you after the long-ass day I had. You know I’m gonna crave your voice now, don’t you?” I hear a quick intake of air, and I can’t hold back the smile tugging at my lips. My eyes drift to the clock and I cringe—I forgot about the time difference. “I hope it’s alright that I’m calling at this time.”
“Of course,” she says. “Like I said, call me anytime. If I’m not around to answer or have something else going on, I’ll just email you and you can give me a call back. Deal?” God, how could I not agree to everything this woman says?
“You’ve got yourself a deal.” And because nothing in my life is ever easy, I hear a long whistle followed by an explosion off in the distance. The sounds put my body on high alert. I straighten up in my seat, stiff as a board, and listen for any more sounds.
“Devin?” I hear her, but I don’t respond right away. I listen as another long whistle sounds and another blast hits—closer this time. “Devin, what is that?” The panic in her voice reclaims my attention.
“Hey, it was nothing,” I lie, shifting the phone to my other ear. I cock my head and listen for more.
“Are you sure? It didn’t sound like nothing.” Damn it. This is the part I didn’t want her to be exposed to—the part I wanted to pretend didn’t exist. I want to end the call before the mortar rounds strike closer and the sound of the explosions cannot be mistaken, but I can’t bear to let her go. The commotion on the other side of the door in headquarters has picked up now, and I know shit is about to go down. Just a little bit longer. I need to talk to her just a little bit longer.
“Nothing out of the ordinary, I promise.” The last word is cut in half by a whistle that punishes the eardrums and is followed by an explosion that rocks the walls of the building as if they were made of paper. The phone clicks and buzzes, but I hear Katie faintly calling for me on the other end.
I can hear chaos outside and I know this is bad. They’ve successfully targeted their mortar rounds and there are sure to be more to come. “Katie?” I call frantically into the receiver, needing to know I didn’t lose her, desperate to hear her voice one last time.
“Devin? Devin, I’m scared. I can’t los—” Her trembling voice is muted by the static buzz, but I know exactly what she was saying because it’s the same thing I was thinking.
And maybe that’s what motivates me to continue. Maybe that’s what pulls the next words from my throat.
My words are rushed, and I don’t even know if she can hear me, but she needs to know … I want her to know. “I want you back. I want us, Katie, and I’ll—”
The line goes dead—my words cut off—and I’m thrown from my chair as another explosion rocks the earth beneath my feet.
“From Where You Are” – Lifehouse
“DEVIN?” ALL THE BLOOD DRAINS from my face, my heart racing so fast it’s literally seconds away from exploding. “Devin!” The shrill sound of a woman screaming penetrates through the blood pounding in my ears, and I look around before realizing that woman is me.
“No. Nononono.” Snapping the phone shut, I rub my fingers over my temples, trying to drown out what I heard. Devin’s words were broken and barely audible when they completely cut off. Images of him lying on the ground, hurt or worse, start playing through my mind, and I look around, frantically trying to decide what to do. I need to do something. I can’t just sit here and do nothing.
My body freezes at the realization that there isn’t a damn thing I can do. Devin is half a world away, and I have no other way to contact him. “Oh, God.” My limbs go numb. Fear courses through my body, robbing it of normal function and control. On unsteady legs I push from the couch, and with jerky movements I walk across the living room into the kitchen, my phone gripped so tight in my hand that my knuckles are painfully white.
I can’t do anything. Just like with Daddy, I’m helpless.
Sucking in a shuddery breath, I send out a quick text—a cry for help—and then I toss my phone on the counter and brace myself for impact. With my hands planted firmly against the sink, I bow my head, allowing myself to be absorbed into the all-consuming and far-too-familiar sense of dread. Call it what you want … panic, fear, terror. It’s all the same. And right now, like the blood in my veins, it’s flowing through my body.
Chills race up my arms, leaving a trail of goose bumps in their wake, and the sob that’s been building inside my chest finally rips free, causing me to collapse to the floor. My vision blurs, tears sliding thick and fast down my cheeks. Images of my dad in the car, blood running from his face, flash in my head … only it’s not my dad’s face I see, it’s Devin’s. Pulling my knees to my chest, I bury my head and cry.
Time passes, each vision tearing off another chunk of my heart. Maybe I’ve been here for minutes, maybe hours; I honestly have no idea. But when I hear my mom’s soft voice, my head snaps up.
“Katie.” She rushes toward me, dropping to her knees. Pulling me against her chest, her familiar arms curl around my body, wrapping me in the warmth and love that I knew only she could provide. “Katie, sweetheart, what’s wrong? You’re scaring me, honey.”
“Devin.” Pulling back, I wipe the tears from my face but they’re quickly replaced. “We were talking and there was th-this loud noise, and he said that everything was o-okay but it wasn’t.” My words break as my chest heaves. “It wasn’t okay”—my head shakes frantically—“because I h-heard it again, this l-loud whistle … and then there was a b-boom … and then he was gone. Just like th-that, he was gone, and I don’t know w-what to do. I can’t l-lose him, Mama. I can’t.” The thought of losing him—again—is nearly unbearable. A tight band constricts around my chest, robbing air from my lungs, and threatening to squeeze the life out of my heart.