By Lord Dunsany. A Night at an Inn
A Night at an Inn
The first production was at the Neighborhood Playhouse, New York City, on May 13th, 1916, with the following cast:
A. E. Scott-Fortesque (The Toff) Mr. David Soloman William Jones (Bill) ] Mr. Max M. Kaplan Albert Thomas ]Sailors Mr. S. P. Zalmanovic Jacob Smith (Sniggers) ] Mr. Sol Friedman First Priest of Klesh Mr. Jacob Liss Second Priest of Klesh Mr. Ira Uhr Third Priest of Klesh Mr. David Goldstein Klesh Mr. Norman Nacman
A Night at an Inn: 1916
DRAMATIS PERSONAE
A.E. SCOTT-FORTESCUE (the Toff) a dilapidated gentleman.
WILLIAM JONES (Bill)
ALBERT THOMAS,
JACOB SMITH (Sniggers) Merchant Sailors.
1ST PRIEST OF KLESH.
2ND PRIEST OF KLESH.
3RD PRIEST OF KLESH.
KLESH.
The Curtain rises on a room in an inn.
[Sniggers and Bill are talking. The Toff is reading a paper. Albert sits a little apart.]
SNIGGERS.
What's his idea, I wonder ?
BILL.
I don't know.
SNIGGERS.
And how much longer will he keep us here ?
BILL.
We've been here three days.
SNIGGERS.
And 'aven't seen a soul.
BILL.
And a pretty penny it cost us when he rented the 'pub.
SNIGGERS.
'Ow long did 'e rent the 'pub for?
BILL.
You never know with him.
SNIGGERS.
It's lonely enough.
BILL.
'Ow long did you rent the 'pub for, Toffy ?
[The Toff continues to read a sporting paper; he takes no notice of what is said.]
SNIGGERS.
'E's such a toff.
BILL.
Yet 'e's clever, no mistake.
SNIGGERS.
Those clever ones are the beggars to make a muddle. Their plans are clever enough, but they don't work, and then they make a mess of things much worse than you or me.
BILL.
Ah!
SNIGGERS.
I don't like this place.
BILL.
Why not ?
SNIGGERS.
I don't like the looks of it.
BILL.
He's keeping us here because here those niggers can't find us. The three heathen priests what was looking for us so. But we want to go and sell our ruby soon.
ALBERT.
There's no sense in it.
BILL.
Why not, Albert ?
ALBERT.
Because I gave those black devils the slip in Hull.
BILL.
You give 'em the slip, Albert ?
ALBERT.
The slip, all three of them. The fellows with the gold spots on their foreheads. I had the ruby then, and I give them the slip in Hull.
BlLL.
How did you do it, Albert ?
ALBERT.
I had the ruby and they were following me...
BILL.
Who told them you had the ruby ? You didn't show it ?
ALBERT.
No... But they kind of know.
SNIGGERS.
They kind of know, Albert ?
ALBERT.
Yes, they know if you've got it. Well, they sort of mouched after me, and I tells a policeman and he says, O they were only three poor niggers and they wouldn't hurt me. Ugh! When I thought of what they did in Malta to poor old Jim.
BILL.
Yes, and to George in Bombay before we started.
SNIGGERS.
Ugh!
BILL.
Why didn't you give 'em in charge ?
ALBERT.
What about the ruby, Bill?
BILL.
Ah !
ALBERT.
Well, I did better than that. I walks up and down through Hull. I walks slow enough. And then I turns a corner and I runs. I never sees a corner but I turns it. But sometimes I let a corner pass just to fool them. I twists about like a hare. Then I sits down and waits. No priests.
SNIGGERS.
What?
ALBERT.
No heathen black devils with gold spots on their face. I give 'em the slip.
BILL.
Well done, Albert.
SNIGGERS.
[After a sigh of content.]
Why didn't you tell us?
ALBERT.
'Cause e' won't let you speak. 'E's got 'is plans and 'e thinks we're silly folk. Things must be done 'is way. And all the time I've give 'em the slip. Might 'ave 'ad one o' them crooked knives in him before now but for me who give 'em the slip in Hull.
BILL.
Well done, Albert.
SNIGGERS.
Do you hear that, Toffy? Albert has give 'em the slip.
THE TOFF.
Yes, I hear.
SNIGGERS.
Well, what do you say to that ?
THE TOFF.
O... Well done, Albert.
ALBERT.
And what a' you going to do ?
THE TOFF.
Going to wait.
ALBERT.
Don't seem to know what 'e's waiting for.
SNIGGERS.
It's a nasty place.
ALBERT.
It's getting silly, Bill. Our money's gone and we want to sell the ruby. Let's get on to a town.
BILL.
But 'e won't come.
ALBERT.
Then we'll leave him.
SNIGGERS.
We'll be all right if we keep away from Hull.
ALBERT.
We'll go to London.
BILL.
But 'e must 'ave 'is share.
SNIGGERS.
All right. Only let's go. [To the Toff.] We're going, do you hear ? Give us the ruby.
THE TOFF.
Certainly.
[He gives them a ruby from his waistcoat pocket: it is the size of a small hen's egg.]
[He goes on reading his paper.]
ALBERT.
Come on, Sniggers.
[Exeunt Albert and Sniggers.]
BILL.
Good-bye, old man. We'll give you your fair share, but there's nothing to do here, no girls, no halls, and we must sell the ruby.
THE TOFF.
I'm not a fool, Bill.
BILL.
No, no, of course not. Of course you ain't, and you've helped us a lot. Good-bye. You'll say good-bye ?
THE TOFF.
Oh, yes. Good-bye.
[Still reads paper. Exit Bill.]
[The Toff puts a revolver on the table beside him and goes on with his paper.]
SNIGGERS.
[Out of breath.]
We've come back, Toffy.
THE TOFF.
So you have.
ALBERT.
Toffy--how did they get here ?
THE TOFF.
They walked, of course.
ALBERT.
But it's eighty miles.
SNIGGERS.
Did you know they were here, Toffy ?
THE TOFF.
Expected them about now.
ALBERT.
Eighty miles.
BILL.
Toffy, old man--what are we to do ?
THE TOFF.
Ask Albert.
BILL.
If they can do things like this there's no one can save us but you, Toffy--I always knew you were a clever one. We won't be fools any more. We'll obey you, Toffy.
THE TOFF.
You're brave enough and strong enough. There isn't many that would steal a ruby eye out of an idol's head, and such an idol as that was to look at, and on such a night. You're brave enough, Bill. But you're all three of you fools. Jim would have none of my plans and where's Jim ? And George. What did they do to him?
SNIGGERS.
Don't, Toffy !