Yet, obviously few parents feel happy to give up the calm and cleanliness and quiet of the adult world in every square inch of their homes. To help achieve a balance, a house for a small family needs three distinct areas: a couple’s realm, reserved for the adults; a children’s realm, where children’s needs hold sway; and a common area, between the two, connected to them both.
The couple’s realm should be more than a room, although rooms are a part of it. It is territory which sustains them as two adults, a couple—not father and mother. Other parts of their lives are involved with children, friends, work; there must be a place which becomes naturally an expression of them as adults, alone. The children come in and out of this territory, but when they are there, they are clearly in the adults’ world. See couple’s realm (136).
The children’s world must also be looked upon as territory that they share, as children, children’s realm (137); here, it is important to establish that this is a part of the house, in balance with the others. Again, the critical feature is not that adults are
“excluded” but that, when they are in this world, they are in children’s territory.
The common area contains those functions that the children and the adults share: eating together, sitting together, games, perhaps bathing, gardening—again, whatever captures their needs for shared territory. Quite likely, the common territory will be larger than the two other parts of the house.
Finally, realize that this pattern is different from the way most small family homes are made today. For example, a popular current conception, comparable to this, but quite different, is a suburban two fart house: sleeping and commons.
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| A typical suburban t<wo fart house. |
Even though there is a “master bedroom” the sleeping part of the house is essentially one thing—the children are all around the master bedroom. This plan does not have the distinctions we are arguing for.
Here is a beautiful plan which does:
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| A three-fart house—the couple's realm upstairs. |
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Therefore:
Give the house three distinct parts: a realm for parents, a realm for the children, and a common area. Conceive these three realms as roughly similar in size, with the commons the largest.
Treat the house, like every house, as a distinct piece of territory —your own home (79) j build the three main parts according to the specific patterns for those parts—common areas at the HEART (129), couple’s REALM ( I 36) , BED CLUSTER ( I 43) and connect the common areas, and the bed cluster according to the children’s REALM (137). . . .
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THE POETRY OF THE LANGUAGE
exist in the same space; they are identified j there is a compression of the two, which requires less space, and which is more profound than in a place where they are merely side by side. The compression illuminates each of the patterns, sheds light on its meaning; and also illuminates our lives, as we understand a little more about the connections of our inner needs.
But this kind of compression is not only poetic and profound. It is not only the stuff of poems and exotic statements, but to some degree, the stuff of every English sentence. To some degree, there is compression in every single word we utter, just because each word carries the whisper of the meanings of the words it is connected to. Even “Please pass the butter, Fred” has some compression in it, because it carries overtones that lie in the connections of these words to all the words which came before it.
Each of us, talking to our friends, or to our families, makes use of these compressions, which are drawn out from the connections between words which are given by the language. The more we can feel all the connections in the language, the more rich and subtle are the things we say at the most ordinary times.
And once again, the same is true in building. The compression of patterns into a single space, is not a poetic and exotic thing, kept for special buildings which are works of art. It is the most ordinary economy of space. It is quite possible that all the patterns for a house might, in some form be present, and overlapping, in a simple one-room cabin. The patterns do not need to be strung out, and kept separate. Every building, every room,
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. . . again, ideally, every couple is a part of a larger group household—the family (75). If this can not be so, try to build the house for the couple in such a way as to tie it together with some other households, to form the beginnings of a group household, or, if this fails, at least to form the beginnings of a house cluster
(37) *
♦$. ♦<.
In a small household shared by two, the most important problem which arises is the possibility that each may have too little opportunity for solitude or privacy.
Consider these forces:
1. Of course, the couple need a shared realm, where they can function together, invite friends, be alone together. This realm needs to be made up of functions which they share.
2. But it is also true that each partner is trying to maintain an individuality, and not be submerged in the identity of the other, or the identity of the “couple.” Each partner needs sface to nourish this need.
It is essential, therefore, that a small house be conceived as a place where the two people may be together but where, from time to time, either one of them may also be alone, in comfort, in dignity, and in such a way that the other does not feel left out or isolated. To this end, there must be two small places— perhaps rooms, perhaps large alcoves, perhaps a corner, screened off by a half-wall-—places which are clearly understood as private territories, where each person can keep to himself, pursue his or her own activities.
Still, the problem of the balance of privacy in a couple’s lives is delicate. Even with a small place of one’s own, tenuously connected to the house, one partner may feel left out at various moments. While we believe that the solution proposed in this pattern helps, the problem will not be entirely settled until the couple itself is in some close, neighborly, and family-like rela-
77 HOUSE FOR A COUPLE
tionship to other adults. Then, when one needs privacy, the other has other possibilities for companionship at hand. This idea and its physical implications are discussed in the pattern, the family (75)-
Once the opportunity for withdrawal is satisfied, there is also a genuine opportunity for the couple to be together; and then the house can be a place where genuine intimacy, genuine connection can happen.
There is one other problem, unique to a house for a couple, that must be mentioned. In the first years of a couple’s life, as they learn more about each other, and find out if indeed they have a future together, the evolution of the house plays a vital role. Improving the house, fixing it up, enlarging it, provides a frame for learning about one another: it brings out conflict, and offers the chance, like almost no other activity, for concrete resolution and growth. This suggests that a couple find a place that they can change gradually over the years, and not build or buy for themselves a “dream” home from scratch. The experience of making simple changes in the house, and tuning it to their lives, provides some grist for their own growth. Therefore, it is best to start small, with plenty of room for growth and change.