“I thought I might find you here,” a voice behind me said. I turned around.
“I was just thinking about you.”
Devin looked like he didn’t know quite how to handle that information. Asher would have said something clever without thinking, like, “I bet you say that to all strange guys you meet in the woods.” But Devin thought things through before he said them out loud. You could see the struggle in his eyes, even now. I always thought it was just because as a Guardian, there was so much he couldn’t express. Now, in the early morning light, I realized it was as simple as this: that’s just how Devin was.
He struggled with things. He said he loved me, but he had betrayed me more times than I could count. Raven’s words from the night before came spilling back to me. How can you love someone who’s hurt you?
In the months that I’d known Devin, I’d felt a range of emotions toward him—a whole spectrum, really. He had been a friend when I’d needed one, and in a moment of shadows and firelight in the woods, I’d questioned my loyalties and let him be something more. We’d been allies, then enemies, and then allies again when he chose to become a Rebel. But Ardith’s warning at school and last night’s attack on the store made it clear as glass: we were enemies, again, and always would be.
“Why are you here?” I asked him. “If you’re coming to warn me, don’t worry. Ardith has already done the job for you.”
“Skye, that’s not—”
“And the Rebellion’s pyrotechnical performance last night spoke volumes, too.”
“I wasn’t a part of that.” He looked pained, like there was more he wanted to say, but he wasn’t sure how to say it.
“Right,” I said. “Just like you never meant to hurt me, and you had no choice about cutting off Raven’s wings, and—”
“You’re right. I’m sorry.”
I stared at him. “You’re . . . you’re what?”
“I’m sorry. I was never able to say that to you, or give you the apology you deserved. Now, I can.”
Now I was the one who couldn’t find the right words.
“Listen, Skye,” he continued, as if gathering the momentum he’d built with his apology. “I didn’t come here to argue with you. I came to say thank you.”
“Wow,” I said. “Now I really don’t know what to say.”
“That’s okay.” The light radiated from his eyes. He looked so free. “I have a lot to say, if you’ll listen.” He led me to our rock, and we sat down. Side by side, just like we used to.
Something about being with Devin felt so strange and different, and I couldn’t place why. The tranquility, I realized. I don’t feel it anymore. I didn’t feel the usual Zen-like calm radiating from him. Instead, I could feel his nervous energy, matching mine, pulsing underneath his skin as his arm brushed against me. It was true. He really wasn’t under the Order’s control—or possibly, anyone else’s.
He was free. He could do whatever he wanted.
“I know we’re fighting against each other now. In some ways, I think we’ll always be fighting against each other. But I just want you to know that when you inspired me to jump, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. You showed me that I needed to break away. I couldn’t have done that without you.” He looked nervous. Maybe as nervous as I felt. “I don’t know. Maybe I needed to hurt you like that in order to realize how bad it was. How much I needed to be free.”
When I had gone to Devin for help when he was still a Guardian, there was always something holding him back. Something in his eyes that, I knew, meant there was a disconnect between what he said and what he felt. It was why my feelings were always so unresolved after I spent time with him. Who was the real Devin? What was really behind those eyes? I wondered if I would soon find out. A light burned in him that I’d never seen before. A different Devin sat next to me.
“Let me get this straight,” I said slowly, puzzling it out. “You’re saying you’re glad you hurt me?”
“I’m saying I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t want to do any of it. And that’s why I jumped. I was choosing freedom.” He looked up, and his deep blue eyes were oceans. “I can finally feel. I can feel everything for the first time. I hate myself for everything I’ve done. And I’m going to do everything I can, everything that’s in my power, to make it up to you.”
I swallowed. I had absolutely no idea how to respond. Running into a burning building, I could handle. But this?
“I’m a Rebel now, Skye.” He grinned, and it lit up his face in a way I’d never seen. “I can break the rules if I want.” The meaning behind his words was clear: Asher isn’t the only one.
“You talk a big game, Devin,” I said when I’d finally found my voice again. “But you never put your money where your mouth is.”
“Okay. How’s this: That Guardian with the long hair? Lucas? Look out for that one. He’s bad news. Ruthless and dangerous.”
“What?” I said. “How do you know?”
“He’s very highly regarded in the Order. Used to be trusted, ranked right below me and Raven. And now . . .” He trailed off.
“Now he’s the one stealing car brakes?”
Devin winced. “Exactly.”
While we were talking, the sun rose higher in the sky. I had to get back. The house would be waking up, wondering where I was, and after last night I didn’t want them to worry. Besides, we had work to do today.
“I have to go,” I said, standing up. “Thank you. For the apology. I’m not sure how I feel about it, but . . .”
“That’s okay.” He brushed off my excuse. “The important thing is that I got to say it.”
I nodded to myself and then made my way back toward the trail.
“Did you know?” he called suddenly as I began to jog away. I stopped and turned back to him. “Tell me the truth.”
“Did I know what?”
“What Asher was planning? What the Rebellion wanted to do to me?”
There was something so strange about the moment, so heartbreaking. We were on equal footing now, Devin and I. We had both been betrayed. We both wanted answers. There was a satisfying symmetry to it.
“Just tell me yes or no.”
“No,” I said finally. “No, I could never let that happen to someone I cared about.”
Devin said nothing. I turned and ran the rest of the way down the trail. But I wasn’t running away from something. I was running toward it.
10 
Aunt Jo stood at the stove, flipping pancakes. She was especially chipper this morning.
“Don’t forget to put the smiley face with the chocolate chips,” Earth instructed from the table, where she was reading the newspaper. “Dad, what’s Wall Street?”
“It’s a place that’s very far away from here,” Aaron said warily. He glanced at Aunt Jo, and Aunt Jo grinned at him over her shoulder.
“Hey, kiddo,” she said as I walked in. “You’re just in time for breakfast! There’s coffee brewing. Extra strong.”
“Mmm,” I said, grabbing a mug from the cabinet and filling it to the brim. “Did Raven leave already?”