I followed him down the slope toward the pool where Orrie was building his family. Orrie spent a lot of time with the two younger Chtorrans these days. There was a lot to teach them. Soon, the baby would join them too.
I said, "There's so much to learn. And I guess I'm too impatient. Thank you for being so understanding." Frankenstein rumbled with quiet laughter. "Jim, we're all still learning here. Even Jason. Especially Jason. But you've already got the one quality. you need-you're willing to open yourself up to find out the truth. It's been a real pleasure watching you grow. When you first came here, I thought I was going to have to kill you. You were all pinched up like a prune. You wore your hate on your face like a mask. Now, you're always smiling and joyous. I'm glad you're here with us. Have I told you today how much I love you?"
I felt the tears starting to well up again. "I . . . I'm always on the edge of tears," I admitted.
"That's good," Frankenstein said. "That's a sign of how close you live to the extraordinary level."
I recognized he was right. I said, "Can I share something with you?"
"Sure."
"Since my transformation-God; it feels strange to talk about it."
"Does it?"
"Yes. It's like saying it makes it real all over again. I can feel myself recreating the experience and I know I really am transformed. It's this surge of power and joy; it comes up almost automatically every time I remember that I'm transformed by the Revelation. I mean, I know so much more now than I ever knew before. What I want to share with you is that I don't feel human any more. Do you know what I mean? I mean, it's like this body is a tool that I use, but I know I'm not the body. It's just where I experience myself. But I'm more than it. I'm beyond it. I'm a god. I have this detachment from this body. I know that it's not me. I know, I must sound like I'm babbling . . . "
"You're making perfect sense."
". . . and I know that I need this body to play in this world; but I know this body can die and all that'll happen will be that I'll move on to the next place. I may not be me any more-not the me that I think I am. In fact, of course, I won't be-but that's all right. It's part of the job of being a god, isn't it?"
I stopped myself when I realized what I'd said. In a much softer tone, I added, "That's terrifying. I mean, for me to realize that I'm a god . . ."
Frankenstein rumbled good-naturedly. "Let me tell you what Jason says. Gods create. You create. You're a god. You can't help it. You can even create yourself as being not a god. You do that by not creating-except then all you're doing is creating 'not-creating.' Got that?"
"Uh-huh."
"And all that 'not-creating' is, is not being responsible for what you are creating. You can't help it. You're always creating. You are a god whether you want to be one or not, so you might as well be a god and enjoy yourself."
I laughed with him.
We arrived at the pool then. Marcie was waiting for us. Orrie flowed up and out over the edge and bobbled his eyes in greeting. "Brrdp, " he said.
Frankenstein handed the box to Marcie. "Give me a hand, Jim?" She handed the box of puppies to me, then climbed down into the pool. "Come on down. It's safe. They know about people now. "
I balanced the box on my shoulder and climbed down after her. We squatted down on the pool floor and the two young Chtorrans came squealing out to greet us. They were each over a meter long now and they were as cute as little grizzly bears. They bobbled their eyes with excitement. They examined Marcie's boots, my hands, and the box of puppies with equal interest-but the puppies fascinated them. They were fat little gobbets of waddling flesh. And they moved!
"Help me feed them," Marcie said.
"Sure," I said. "How come the puppies?"
"Oh, there was a screw up. Jessie was supposed to arrange a pickup of some beef, but it never happened. It's just as well. We're going to be moving on soon. Just as soon as we find a new place. " She took the first puppy out of the box and put it down on the gray concrete surface of the pool. "Go ahead, girl." The puppy's hind legs were splayed outward. It wobbled a few steps toward the nearest Chtorran and yipped at it.
"They're cute," she said. She glanced at me. "Are you going to help with the scouting?"
"I really don't know this part of California that well. I know that some of the artificial peninsulas are supposed to be very nice. My mom's at one of the new communities outside of Santa Cruz, I think. I haven't talked to her in over a year. But it's got it's own natural defenses, it's almost impossible to get onto. That's the kind of place we should look for. A place that's almost completely inaccessible."
The two Chtorrans turned to face the puppy. The nearest one reached out with one hand and poked at it tentatively. The puppy fell over on its back and wagged its tail. The Chtorran picked it up. Apparently it squeezed too hard with its claw, for the puppy squealed in pain. The Chtorran popped the puppy into its mouth. There was a startled yowp, muffled by the sound of chewing and then the Chtorran said, "Chtrrrrr."
Marcie took a second puppy out of the box and handed it to the other Chtorran. It grabbed for it eagerly, like a piece of Christmas candy. The puppy disappeared just as quickly.
"Give them a moment to digest," said Marcie. "Their systems are still young. They can't handle too much at once." She reached over and skritched one of the Chtorrans at the base of its eyestalks.
"You don't remember where we first met, do you?" I asked her.
"Sure I do. We found you north of here."
"No, before that. I remember you from Denver. Do you remember Denver at all?"
"I was unconscious then," she said. "I don't remember much of anything. "
"You were with a fat colonel . . ."
"Oh, yeah." She laughed. "Him. Colonel Buffoon. That's what everybody called him. He's dead, you know."
"Oh?"
"It was funny-I mean, the way we arrived here. It shows how powerful I am. I created a situation so inevitable that fifteen people died to get me here. I wasn't even supposed to be on the bus, but the colonel took me everywhere. I was for the entertainment of his guests. They used my body. I wasn't in it most of the time. I was just-there. You know? You know how it is before you really wake up to your own life. I don't remember where we were going, but we were on a bus. We took a wrong turn. The sign was changed or something. We ran into a roadblock. There were Chtorrans, three of them. There was some shooting; and then everybody was dead. No, not everybody. George and . . . and, um, the colonel-you know, I don't remember his real name any more-and myself . . . and I think there was a secretary. We weren't killed. Jason gave us the chance to live."
"So what happened to the colonel?"
"Oh, he tried to escape. And the secretary too. Both of them. They told George and me. They wanted us to come with them. George said no, it wasn't safe. They said they were going to try anyway, while they still had their minds left. Isn't that silly? Can you imagine anyone wanting to protect their mind?"
I laughed with her. We each pulled another puppy out of the box and gave them to the Chtorran cubs. One of the Chtorrans ate his puppy immediately. The other examined it curiously. He was fascinated by the puppy.
"Don't play with your food!" Marcie slapped his flank, and he ate the puppy.
"Anyway," she said. "I told Jason what they were up to, and he said not to worry about it. They tried to escape and Orrie and Falstaff ate them. That's what happens when you break your word. So you knew me in Denver? That was when you were still in the army, right? Were you one of the men I fucked?"