“Well your legs were sexy,” Nash argued. “What was I supposed to do? Pretend that I didn’t notice?”
“You used a lame ass line on me too!”
“Yeah, I did. They usually work on most girls.”
“I’m not most girls. You’re not going to be able to just say some lame line and I’m going to sleep with you. Why do you want to be with me anyway?”
“Because you’re sexy and for some damn reason you won’t put up with my shit. Most girls would jump at the chance to kiss me.”
“Whatever Nash...”
Girls did jump at him though and I didn’t want to have to compete.
I didn’t remember falling asleep but when I opened my eyes, Nash was lying next to me, his head propped up on his hand, and grinning. It was the slight brush of his fingers against my cheek that brought me back to the land of the living.
“Hey there beautiful,” Nash murmured as my eyes fluttered open.
I was disoriented and groggy.
What time was it?
Where was I?
What happened?
It took me few minutes before my brain caught up with my body. I was at Nash’s house, keeping him company. I had no idea what time it was but the sun filtering through the window hinted at daylight.
My heart started to beat fast as I realized I was lying next to Nash. His arm was wrapped around me. I moved away and laid on my back far enough that I didn't feel like I was close enough to cuddle with him.
“How are you feeling?” I asked immediately, my heart’s pace slowing down. “How’s your head? Your jaw?”
“Both are fine,” Nash said.
I looked at him, confused, before my mouth split into a grin.
“You’re so lame,” I said as I pulled myself up to the sitting position. “What time is it?”
“Nearly noon,” Nash said and immediately my heart went into my throat.
“Oh my God, I missed my class!” I screeched, jumping off the bed.
I rummaged around the cluttered floor for my bag and shoes. My head was spinning. How could I forget class? It was the first class of the semester and I missed it!
“Calm down.”
“Calm down?! How can I calm down?” I demanded. “I missed class, Nash, and it was the first one! I can’t even imagine what the professor thinks of me! He’s going to hate me if he doesn’t already!”
I grabbed my stuff and shoved my feet into the shoes. As I moved I calculated how quickly I could get to the professor’s office. Maybe I would be able to talk to him, explain what happened. I could tell him about Nash and the concussion. Hopefully that would sway his opinion.
“Lily, calm down,” Nash said again.
He tugged at my arm, pulling me onto his lap. I struggled as Nash wrapped his arms around me. Bad memories came flashing back to me…
“Get off of me!” I seethed. “I have to go talk to my professor. I have to make this right. I screwed up, Nash, I screwed up badly.”
“No you didn’t,” Nash said. “It’s okay if you miss a class. The first two weeks of school are when people drop classes and add classes. The classes don’t really start until that period is over. I doubt you missed much, if anything, today. I promise.”
“Are you sure?” I asked, doubt filling my head.
“I’ve been at this school longer than I care to remember. Don’t worry so much.”
I let myself relax and I tugged his arms apart, slipping out from between them.
“You need to relax a bit or you’re going to give yourself a heart attack.”
“No I’m not. I’m resilient. I’ve been this neurotic since I was younger. What’s going to give me problems is you holding me like that. Don’t ever do that again…”
I took a deep breath.
“Sorry, won’t happen again. I’m surprised that you haven’t had a heart attack though. Why are you so hard on yourself?”
I shrugged, unable to explain it to him. How could I explain my ‘good girl’ status and need to be perfect? It was a self-imposed purpose, an obsession really, and my parents’ approval fueled it. When everyone expects you to be perfect, and you succeed, it becomes like a drug. You want to succeed over and over again, no matter what the cost.
“Because I’m good and I’m good at being good. That’s who I am,” I told him. “I want to be the best, act the best, and reach the highest.”
“But at what cost?”
“At whatever cost it takes,” I answered immediately.
Nash furrowed his eyebrows together.
“It’s not as bad it sounds, I swear.”
“Good because it sounds like you’re a bit psychotic.”
“Thanks,” I said warily. “That’s so nice.”
“I never said I would be nice. I’m not nice… I’m honest.”
“Well maybe some people don’t want the honesty.”
“Those are the people who usually need it the most.”
I rolled my eyes at him.
My brain was beginning to work on overdrive trying to figure out what was going on with Nash and I. Everything was moving fast, faster than I thought it ever would. He didn’t ask me out but tried kissing me and called me…
Sexy…
These were cautionary signals.
We were hanging out and joking as friends too though. Just because there was no explanation for what was going on, didn’t mean I wanted it to end. I didn’t. But I also didn’t like the uncertainty. Turner could be right about him too.
I sighed and rubbed my temple with my hands.
“I really should get going,” I said.
“Do you have to? I thought that we could go out, have some lunch.”
“I can’t,” I said, even though it was a lie. “I have to go meet up with some people.”
“People like Turner?”
That wasn’t on my list of to-do’s but now Turner crept into my mind. I had already missed most of my class and Nash had persuaded me that it wasn’t a big deal.
“Maybe… He seemed so angry yesterday,” I said for an explanation. “He was practically foaming at the mouth and, well, you know the rest. I do want to see if he’s okay... I want to try to talk to him…. But…”
“Why?” he asked, cutting me off. “You just go back to the guy who has no control over himself?”
I paused. That was a good question and I didn’t have a set answer for him.
“Because he’s my friend,” I said finally. “Just like you.”
Nash shrugged but there was a frown on his face.
“Do what you want,” he said and disappointment seeped into my heart.
I was hoping that Nash would put up fight, even a little one, trying to get me to stay. But he didn’t. If anything, he was trying to get me to leave quicker.
What the hell did I do? Was he jealous? Actually jealous that another guy might have a chance with me? What did I get myself into?
“I’ll see you around.”
“Yeah, see you around,” I agreed.
I glanced at Nash over my shoulder one last time before exiting his room. I let myself out into the warm day and headed back to school, leaving my heart behind.
Chapter Nine
And so it began. Every day, I got up, packed my stuff, and trudged off to class. If I woke up early enough I would grab breakfast but if not I grabbed a coffee to keep me from passing out. I hadn’t seen Nash outside of class since I thought he had a concussion, and I saw Turner even less. Sometimes, if he was in a good mood, Turner would meet me at the dorm and we would walk to class together. Then, the moment he saw Nash, he would frown and stomp away like a school boy whose toy was taken away from him. This went on, day after day, for weeks. I barely had time to breathe let alone relax and it was starting to show.