I raised a brow, already feeling the pounding lessening. “Is the tea special or something?”
“It would not be known in the mortal realm.” Nektas glanced at the Primal and then his gaze landed on me. “You’re sure this Sir Holland is mortal?”
“Yes.” I laughed. “He’s mortal.” I glanced between the two of them. “Maybe the tea is more well-known than you all realize.”
“Maybe you’re wrong about this Sir Holland being mortal,” Nektas returned.
“When exactly did the headaches start?” Nyktos cut in. “You said a couple of years ago?”
My gaze shifted back to him. “I don’t know. Maybe a year and a half ago? Close to two?”
“That’s not a couple of years ago,” Nyktos pointed out.
“Sorry. My head felt like it was being ripped in two when I was being interrogated about it earlier.”
Nyktos’ lips twisted as if he were fighting a smile. “And they weren’t always intense like the one today?”
“Right. Normally, I can ignore them, and they eventually go away. This is only the second time I got one this severe.”
Nyktos studied me closely, his gaze tracking over my face as if he were searching for answers. “And the bleeding when you brush your teeth?”
“Infrequent,” I told him. “Do you think it’s something to do with a tooth? My stepfather once—”
“It’s not a tooth infection,” Nektas cut in.
“Can you also smell infections?” I retorted.
“Actually, yes, I can,” he said.
“Oh.” I sank a little deeper into the pillows. “That sounds kind of gross.”
“It can be,” the draken confirmed.
“Whether or not an infection smells poorly isn’t important,” Nyktos said, and I narrowed my eyes. “What you’re experiencing also isn’t a migraine.”
“I didn’t realize the Primal of Death was also a Healer,” I muttered.
He shot me a bland look. “You’re already feeling better, aren’t you? Truly, this time.”
“I am.”
“That’s it then.” He glanced at Nektas, and the draken nodded. “I think what you’re experiencing is a symptom of the Culling.”
“What?” I jerked upright, wincing as the throbbing intensified for a moment and then faded. “That’s impossible. Both my parents are mortal. I’m not a godling—”
“I’m not suggesting that you are,” Nyktos cut in, a grin appearing and then disappearing. “I think the ember of life that was placed in you is giving you similar side effects as the Culling. You’re the right age for it.”
“A bit of a late bloomer,” Nektas added.
I frowned at the draken. “I don’t understand.”
“Godlings go through the Culling because they have eather in their blood. The ember that my father placed in you is eather. That’s what fuels your gift, and it would be powerful enough to evoke symptoms—ones that can be debilitating without the right combination of herbs that was discovered ages ago by a god who had a knack for mixing potions. Took hundreds of years, or at least that’s what my father told me. A potion born of necessity since no other known medicine worked to ease the headaches and other symptoms that came with the Culling,” Nyktos explained. “It’s given to every god when they begin to go through the Culling, and to every godling we’re aware of.” The corners of his lips pulled down. “Which is why I would love to know how a mortal knew of this potion.”
So would I. But there were way more important things I wanted to know. “Does this mean I’m going to go through the Ascension?”
“It shouldn’t,” Nyktos advised. “It is only an ember of life—an ember of eather. More powerful than what would be found in a godling, but you’re not a descendant of the gods. It is not a part of you. You’ll probably have a couple more weeks or months at most of these symptoms, and then they will go away. You’ll be fine.”
I was relieved, especially after what I had learned from Aios about the Culling. Toying with the edges of my hair, I looked over at Nyktos. As the aching continued to fade with each passing moment, it was replaced by many questions and words I wanted to speak.
Nektas cleared his throat. “If you’ll excuse me.”
The draken didn’t wait for a response, leaving the chamber—leaving Nyktos and me alone. The Primal watched me like he always did, but there was a guarded quality that had never been there before.
“If you start to feel the headache again or any other symptom that doesn’t feel normal, the tea will stop you from experiencing more severe symptoms,” he said. “So don’t wait.”
“I won’t.” I twisted a curl around my finger.
He sat there for a moment and then started to rise. “You should get some rest. I know the tea can make you tired.”
“I know, but…”
Nyktos arched a brow, waiting.
I drew in a deep breath. “I want to talk to you about—”
“About last night?”
“Well, no, but I suppose that’s part of it.”
“What happened last night won’t ever happen again,” Nyktos stated, and my fingers stilled in my hair. The finality of his words fell like a sword. “You will be safe here. You will be my Consort as planned.”
My hands slipped from my hair. “You still want me as your Consort?”
A tight smile twisted his lips. “This has never been about what either of us wants. It has only ever been about what must be done. And if we do not proceed, that alone will arouse too much suspicion.”
My heart started thumping. “I will be your Consort in title only?”
His head tilted. “Do you expect anything else? Do you think my interest in you overrides my common sense? Especially after learning of your treachery?”
The breath I took scorched my insides. “I don’t expect anything from you. I don’t expect your forgiveness or understanding. I just want a chance to—”
“To do what? Explain yourself? It is unnecessary. I know all that I need to. You were willing to do anything to save your people. I can respect that.” His features were as hard as the walls closing in around me. “I can also…respect how far you were willing to go to fulfill this duty of yours. But for what purpose? Love has never been on the table.”
I knew that. Gods I knew that after everything he’d gone through. I just hadn’t been willing to fully admit it to myself. It wasn’t love I sought. It was never that. Still, it was hard to speak what I wanted to. The words were so simple, taken for granted by many. “Friendship,” I whispered as heat swamped my throat. “There’s friendship.”
“Friendship? Even if I considered such a thing, I would never think of you. There is no way I could ever trust you. That I would not doubt or question every thought or action. Not when you were shaped and groomed to be whatever it is you believed I wanted. Not when you are just a vessel that would be empty if not for the ember of life you carry within you.”
I jerked back, my skin, body—everything—going numb.
Nyktos’ eyes flared bright, and then he turned from me. “As I said, you will be safe here. You will be my Consort in title only as we figure out exactly what my father planned for you. But this is all. There’s nothing else to discuss. Nothing else to be said.”
Chapter 41
I sat by the unlit fireplace the following morning, staring at the burnt kindling that remained. I idly rubbed my palms over my knees. The breeches had been laundered and returned earlier, along with breakfast. It had been Davina who arrived, and the draken hadn’t said much. I wasn’t sure if that was normal or if she had heard the truth despite Nyktos’ warnings to keep it quiet.