Gemma’s trembling ceased, but she paled even more. “I can’t go back there.”
“You don’t have to,” Aios promised.
“But it’s my fault that Hamid attacked her. There’s no way His Highness will let me stay here now.” Her grip on the blanket bleached her knuckles white.
“Did you tell Hamid to attack me?” I asked.
She shook her head. “Good gods, no.”
“Then I doubt Nyktos will hold you accountable,” I told her, and her eyes shot to mine. The hope and the fear of believing in that hope was clear in her stare. “He won’t force you to go anywhere you don’t want to,” I said, and I knew without a doubt that was true. “You don’t have to be afraid of that either.”
Aios nodded. “She speaks the truth.”
An ache pierced my chest at how evident it was that she wanted so desperately to believe that. “Only time will prove my words right, and I hope you give it that time and don’t do anything…reckless again,” I said, fully acknowledging the irony of me suggesting against something irresponsible. “What did you tell Hamid?”
Her chest rose with a deep breath as her stare dropped to her hands. “I…I knew I was dying,” she said softly. “When the other god found me? I knew I was dying, because I could barely feel his arms when he picked me up. And I…I know I died. I felt it—felt myself leaving my body. There was nothing for a couple of moments and then I saw two pillars—pillars as tall as the sky—with this bright, warm light between them.”
Tension crept into me. She was speaking about the Pillars of Asphodel and the Vale. Had Marisol experienced the same? I knew her soul would not linger for long. And if so, did she realize that she had been brought back? I swallowed, hoping that Ezra had been able to steer her away from that belief or, at the very least, ensure that she never spoke of it. If she did, it could place both of them in danger, especially if it got back to a god who served Kolis.
“I felt myself drifting toward it and then I was pulled back,” Gemma said. “I knew someone had brought me back.” Her head turned to me. “I knew it was you. I felt your touch. And when I looked at you, I just knew. I can’t explain it, but I did. It’s you he’s been looking for.”
“Kolis?” Bele demanded, and Gemma flinched again at the sound of his name. The woman nodded. “How did you know?”
“I was…” Gemma pulled the blanket closer to her waist. “I was his favorite for a bit. He kept me…” She swallowed, stretching her neck, and Aios closed her eyes. “He kept me close to him for a while. He said he liked my hair.” She reached up, absently touching one of the light strands. “He talked about this…power he felt. He spoke about it all the time. Obsessed over it and how he would do anything to find it. This presence. His graeca.”
“Graeca?” I repeated.
“It’s from the old language of the Primals,” Bele answered. “It means life, I believe.”
“It also means love.” Aios’s eyes had opened. She frowned as she glanced at me. “The word is interchangeable.”
“Like liessa?” I said, and she nodded. “Well, obviously, he is referencing life.” I imagined Kolis still believed that he was in love with Sotoria. “He felt the—the ripples of power I caused over the years. We know that.”
“Well, we suspected that,” Bele corrected. “But we weren’t sure until the other night when the dakkais showed.”
I shifted my weight. “And that is what you told Hamid?”
Gemma blew out a ragged breath. “I never understood what he meant when he spoke of his graeca. Not until I saw you and realized that you had brought me back. I told Hamid that it must be you that Kolis was looking for. That you were the presence he felt, and that you were here, in the Shadowlands.” She shook her head as she swallowed again. “I knew what happened to Hamid’s mother. He shared that with me. I should’ve been thinking. Hamid…he hated Kolis, but he was also afraid of him. Terrified that he would come to the Shadowlands and hurt more people.”
“So that’s why,” Bele mused, tossing her braid over her shoulder. “He thought he was protecting the Shadowlands by making sure Kolis didn’t have a reason to come here. He sought to remove the lure. Kind of can’t fault him for that line of thinking.”
I stared at her. “Considering that I was the lure he sought to remove, I kind of do fault him.”
“Understandable,” the goddess quipped.
But I also understood Hamid’s line of thinking. I could easily see myself doing the same. And I could also see how being the object of one’s murderous intentions, no matter how noble, wasn’t something that could be forgotten.
It was how I knew that Nyktos would never forget. Not that I needed to know what that felt like to know.
Chest heavy, I pushed those thoughts aside as a question rose that I felt it best not be asked in front of Gemma. Why hadn’t Kolis come to the Shadowlands?
Gemma spoke, drawing me back to her. “I didn’t think his graeca was a person. He never spoke of it as if it were something living and breathing. He talked as if it were an object. A possession that belonged to him.”
Well, Kolis didn’t seem the type to view living and breathing beings as anything other than objects.
“Did he ever say what he planned to do with his graeca when he found it?” Aios asked.
“I think we know the answer to that,” Bele replied dryly.
I had to agree. Kolis couldn’t conjure life. He would see the ember of such power as a threat and want to eradicate it.
“No. He never said anything to me, but…” She looked over at us. “He was doing something to the other Chosen. Not all of them, but the ones that disappeared.”
My gaze sharpened on her. They are simply gone. That was what Nyktos had said. “What do you mean?”
“There was just some talk among the other Chosen who were still there. The ones that had been there the longest. Kolis did something to them.”
“The ones that disappeared?” Bele asked, stepping forward.
Gemma nodded. “They weren’t right when they came back,” she said, and a chill swept over my skin. “They were different. Cold. Lifeless. Some of them stayed indoors, only moving about during the brief hours of night. Their eyes changed.” A far-off look crept into hers. “They became the color of shadowstone. Black. They always looked…hungry.”
Something about her words tugged at the recesses of my mind. Something familiar.
“They were frightening, the way they stared.” Gemma’s voice was barely above a haunting whisper. “The way they seemed to track every movement you made, every beat of your heart. They were as terrifying as he was.” Her grip eased on the blanket. “He called them his reborn. His Revenants. He said they were a work in progress.” She laughed, but it was weak. “I heard him saying once that all he needed was his graeca to perfect them.”
Aios glanced over her shoulder at Bele and then at me. It didn’t seem like Gemma had more to share, but if she did, the three of us sensed that we wouldn’t learn it today. The woman looked as if she was close to shattering. Once Aios assured her that she was safe to rest here, and it looked like Gemma believed her, we took our leave.
I stopped at the door, something occurring to me. I faced Gemma as Aios and Bele waited for me in the hall. “I’m sorry.”
Confusion marked her face. “For what?”
“For bringing you back to life if that was not what you wanted,” I told her.
“I didn’t want to die,” Gemma said after a moment. “That’s not why I went into the Dying Woods. I just…I just didn’t want to go back there. I didn’t want to be afraid anymore.”