My gaze swept back to the wolf. Please be all right. Please be all right. I repeated the words over and over, even though I knew that the poor animal wasn’t okay. Still, the childish hope was a powerful one.
The wolf stopped trying to stand, its breathing becoming labored and more uneven as I peeled away from the tree. I winced as a twig snapped under my weight, but the wolf barely stirred or noticed. Barely breathed.
I was truly experiencing a temporary lapse in sanity while creeping forward. The animal was wounded, but even a dying creature could lash out and do damage. And it was definitely dying. The whites of the wolf’s eyes were too stark. Its brown eyes didn’t track my movements. The chest didn’t move. The kiyou wolf was still.
Too still.
Just like that terrible man’s chest had been when I tore the pouch of coins free. Just like Odetta’s chest was every time I checked in on her.
I tipped forward, staring at the animal. Blood trickled from its open mouth as tears pricked my eyes. I didn’t cry. Hadn’t since the night I’d failed. But I had a soft spot for animals—well, except for barrats. Animals didn’t judge. They didn’t care about worthiness. They didn’t choose to use or hurt another. They simply lived and expected to either be left alone or loved. That was all.
I was kneeling at the wolf’s side before I even realized I’d moved, reaching for the animal. I halted before my skin touched fur, sucking in a shuddering breath. My mother’s words from long ago echoed through my thoughts. Do not ever do that again. Do you understand me? Never do that again. I looked around, seeing nothing in the darkened woods. I knew I was alone. I was always alone in these woods.
My heart hammered as I thrust my mother’s voice from my mind and gripped the arrow’s shaft. No one would know. My hands warmed again, like they had when Nor’s heart had beat its last, but this time, I didn’t ignore it or will the feeling away. I welcomed it. I called it forward.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, yanking the arrow free. The sound it made turned my stomach, as did the iron-rich scent in the air.
The wolf showed no reaction as blood slowly leaked out, a sure sign that the heart had stopped beating. I didn’t hesitate even a moment longer.
I did what I’d done in the barn when I was six years old and realized that Butters, our old barn cat, had died. It was the same thing I’d done only a few times since I learned what I could do.
I sank my hand into the blood-soaked fur. The center of my chest thrummed, and the dizzying rush flooded my veins to spread across my skin. Heat flowed down my arms, reminding me of the feeling of standing too close to an open flame, and slid over and between my fingers.
I simply wished for the wolf to live.
That was what I’d done with Butters as I held the cat in my arms. It’s what I’d done those few times before. Whatever wound or injury that had taken them simply vanished. It all seemed unbelievable, but that was my gift. It allowed me to sense that a death had just occurred—like it had done with Andreia.
It also brought the dead back to life, but not like what had been done to the seamstress.
Thank the Primals and gods for that.
My heart beat once, twice, and then three times. The kiyou wolf’s chest rose suddenly under my hand. I jerked back, falling on my rear.
The heat throbbed and then faded away from my hands as the kiyou wolf scrambled to its feet, its eyes rolling wildly until they landed on me. I went still once more, both hands in the air as the wolf stared, ears pinned back. It took a wobbly step toward me.
Please don’t bite my hand off. Please don’t bite my hand off. I really needed my hand for lots of things—like eating, dressing, handling weapons…
The wolf’s ears perked as it sniffed the hand free of its blood. Fear punched through me. Oh, gods, it was going to bite my hand, and I’d have no one to blame but—
The wolf licked the center of my palm and then turned, running off on steady legs before quickly disappearing into the gathering shadows between the elms. I didn’t move for a full minute.
“You’re welcome,” I whispered, all but sinking into a puddle of relief on the ground.
Heart racing, I looked down at my hands. The blood that smeared my palm was dark against my skin. I wiped away what I could in the cool grass beside me.
I’d never used my gift on an animal I hadn’t seen pass, and I had never used it on a mortal, even though I’d come close with Odetta. If she hadn’t been alive…
I would’ve broken my rule.
I believed all living beings had souls. Animals were one thing, and mortals were completely different. To bring back a mortal felt unthinkable. It was…it seemed like a line that couldn’t be uncrossed, and there was too much power in that—in the choice to intervene or not. That was the kind of power and choice I didn’t want.
No one knew how I’d gained such a gift or why I’d been marked for death before I was even born. It made no sense that I would carry an ability that linked me to the Primal of Life—to Kolis. Had he somehow learned of the deal and imparted me with the gift? Was that what Odetta had meant when she claimed the Arae had said that I was touched by both life and death? He was the King of Gods, after all. I imagined there was very little he didn’t know.
I lifted my palms once more. I hadn’t known when I entered the barn with Ezra that Tavius had followed us. When he saw what I’d done, he’d run straight for the Queen, who had been afraid that using such a gift would anger the Primal of Death.
Maybe she was right.
Perhaps that was why the Primal of Death had decided that he no longer needed a Consort. After all, I carried the ability to steal souls away from him.
There seemed to be many reasons…
I thought of when Sir Holland had sat me down after the incident with Butters and explained that I hadn’t done anything wrong by bringing Butters back. That it wasn’t something to fear. He had helped me, at six years old, to understand why I had to be careful.
“What you can do is a gift, a wonderful one that is a part of who you are,” he’d said, kneeling so we were at eye level. “But it could become dangerous for you if others were to learn that you could possibly bring back their loved ones. It could anger the gods and Primals, for you to decide who should return to life and who should not. It is a gift given by the King of Gods, one that should be held close to your heart and only ever used when you’re ready to become who you were destined to be. Until then, you are not a Primal. Play as one, and the Primals might think you are.”
Sir Holland had been the only one to ever refer to it as a gift.
And what he had said made sense. Well, the part about it being a potential danger. People would do all manner of things to bring back their loved ones. Who knew how many went to the Sun Temples, asking for just that? But it was never granted.
Now, the part about me using the gift only when I was ready to be who I was destined to become didn’t exactly make much sense. I imagined he’d been talking about once I fulfilled my duty. I had no idea.
Closing my eyes, I let my hands fall to my lap as a heady warmth filled my chest. I’d felt that before when I used the gift. I hadn’t done it often. Just a few times on a stray dog struck by a carriage and a wounded rabbit. Nothing as large as a kiyou wolf.