“And you’re going out looking like that.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
He laughed and shook his head. “It means you look beautiful and every guy is going to be trying to get with you.”
My heart melted a little and I couldn’t help but smile at his being worried about me and not thinking about strippers. He was all I had in the world now, and I knew how unhealthy that was, but I couldn’t handle being hurt any more. Couldn’t handle being alone.
“We are just going to have a few drinks and talk about you guys. You have nothing to worry about.” He pressed his lips against mine and turned to walk out the door.
I sighed as I made my way into the bathroom to look in the mirror. I was as good as I was going to get. I turned off the light and headed down the hall to Donna’s room.
I knocked and there was no answer. I waited a few seconds before knocking harder as E’s door opened and they both stepped into the hall.
“Oh . . . I thought you would be in your room getting ready.” I tried not to look disappointed as my eyes met E’s.
He quickly turned his attention back to Donna. “Have fun.” He pressed his lips to her hair.
It shouldn’t bother me. I had no right to care what was going on behind his closed door.
“You ready?” Donna asked as she made her way toward me. E was a few steps behind her.
“Yeah . . .” I refused to turn around and look at him as he went to the twins’ room and banged on the door. The elevator dinged and Donna and I both stepped inside, leaning against the back wall. The door began to close and at the last second my eyes fell on his, as I was unable to stop myself.
Cass was in the lobby kissing Tucker good-bye. I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed tight. I needed to tell her everything that had been going on, but I couldn’t do that with Donna around, and the only other person I could open up to was E, and I just couldn’t.
I put my smile in place along with the walls that I used to keep people from seeing what was really going on inside me. This night was a celebration of Cass and Tucker’s getting married and I wouldn’t ruin it for my friend.
Tucker had a car waiting for us outside so we wouldn’t need to bother with calling a cab and we could get around the city without his having to worry about Cass. We decided to head to Flower, an upscale bar just a few miles away.
The place was crowded but everyone was much calmer and more relaxed than at our usual haunts. We grabbed a table near the front window and ordered up a round of supergirlie drinks as Cass spilled the details of her time alone with Tucker. To hear how much love she had for him made my heart physically ache.
They had stayed at a swanky hotel about a half hour away called the Amore. Their suite was the size of a large apartment, with a hot tub in the bedroom. The walls were painted a deep royal blue with white slink curtains and bed linens. The paintings that lined the walls nearly stretched from floor to ceiling, and Tucker made sure the kitchen was stocked with all of Cass’s favorite snacks and a bottle of fizzy, pink champagne.
“The whole world just flipped on its axis since I met him. I never knew what it felt like to be genuinely happy.” Cass shrugged and Donna and I both oohed and aahed at her declarations of love.
I was surprised how Cass and I fell right back into conversation as if we hadn’t spent months apart. We had talked constantly on the phone while we were both separately on the road, but it wasn’t the same as having her by my side.
I started to warm up around Donna as well. She seemed like a nice person with a good heart, but I still wasn’t convinced she was a good fit for E. He needed someone he could share his secrets with and who wouldn’t run when he had one of his epic meltdowns. He carried a lot around inside him, and I wasn’t convinced she could handle it.
I wondered if he had confided about his childhood with her, and the thought made me feel betrayed. I hated myself for wishing he couldn’t share his past with others . . . but I did.
I tried to include her in the conversation and not cringe when I mentioned her and E.
“How long have you been together?” I asked, trying to sound cheery.
Donna’s eyes went to Cass and back to me. “Not long. It’s all kind of new.” Donna smiled.
Cass looked at me with wide eyes and I knew we’d have to find a moment to steal away later. I had so much I needed to tell her. And so much I needed to get a firmer hold on myself.
Chapter Nineteen
ERIC
RAP MUSIC BLARED over the speakers as we made our way from the hotel to the dimly lit strip club. My head was swimming from everything that was going on. This was the last fucking thing I wanted to be doing, but this was about Tuck and I wasn’t going to let my mood ruin his night.
Everything had been so clear to me before. I wanted Sarah. So why the fuck had Donna kissed me . . . and why had I so willingly kissed her back? Our drunken hookup had clearly been fueled by alcohol, but that kiss was something else. Passion and pain were in that kiss. There was definitely nothing friendly about it.
I needed a break from all of this.
We took our seats along the stage as Tuck ordered us a round of beers.
“What happened to your face, man?” Tuck asked Derek, and I laughed, clearing my throat to try to cover my reaction.
“Bar fight.” Derek’s eyes drifted to me.
I just shook my head, looking up the dancer on the stage. She was blond and curvy and her eyes were locked on mine as she walked around the pole and sank down to her knees. I grinned up at her as I relaxed back in my seat, my eyes looking over her tramp stamp as she spun around.
Our drinks arrived and I was thankful to have something to help cloud my conscience so I could feel a little less of everything.
“We should get you a lap dance,” Terry called out to Tucker.
He shook his head. “I don’t think my wife would like that.” He grinned as he called her “wife” and I couldn’t help but smile. Cass and I had had our issues in the past, but I loved her like a sister and I was glad that she had found her happy ending.
“Whipped already. That’s why I stay single,” Chris chimed in.
“Yeah, that’s why,” I spoke up.
He hit my chest with the back of his hand. “Bitches can’t handle this.”
I just shook my head and laughed as I drank my beer.
One became ten and I lost count as an endless parade of strippers took the stage. I wanted to go back to my room and pass out.
“You in the band, too?” a voice purred from beside me as she trailed her hand across my shoulders and walked to the front of me.
“Drummer.” I nodded.
She straddled my legs and began to dance suggestively. “Little drummer boy.”
“Nothing little about me, sweetheart.” I smiled at her and she giggled. Her hands slid through my hair, pulling my head back as she pressed her body against mine. Her smile never reached her eyes, and it turned my stomach to have her grinding on me when I knew it wasn’t what she wanted.
I grabbed her wrists and gently pulled them back so she wasn’t touching me.
“You don’t like it?” She stuck her lip out as if she were pouting.
“It’s not you. My mind is . . . elsewhere.” I grabbed a fifty from my wallet and gave it to her. I just wanted to nurse my beer and get this night over with as soon as possible.
She didn’t look happy but she walked over to another patron and offered him a dance. I stared off at the flashing lights over the stage wondering what the girls were up to.
“What did you do?” Tuck asked as he sank down in the seat next to me. He was the only other guy not getting a private dance.