“I’d like that.” I couldn’t muster much more. My voice cracked, but Derek didn’t seem to notice as he pulled me into his arms and hugged me.
Chapter Twenty-Five
ERIC
I CHANCED A GLANCE over my shoulder at Sarah, who was wrapped in Derek’s arms; his eyes narrowed at me and I nodded, taking a drink from my beer.
He wasn’t going to go away easy. He didn’t care about what was best for her. He was a selfish prick, and all my presence had done was make him cling harder to her to prove that he could beat me, as if this were some fucking game or some shit. I put my arm around Donna’s neck as I looked ahead at the stage, wondering when I would get another moment alone with Sarah.
This wasn’t all in my head, right? No. It couldn’t be.
“You all right?” Donna looked up at me, her eyebrows pulled together with concern.
I smiled, not wanting to worry her any more with my shit. “I’m fine. Just wondering when the good bands are going to play,” I joked. She rolled her eyes and laid her head against my shoulder. I couldn’t stop the nagging feeling from the back of my mind that when all of this was said and done, I would be left completely alone.
It felt inevitable. Like watching a coming train wreck but being unable to stop it. Who was I to stand up against the train, or the overwhelming desire to be with Sarah?
“I’m going to get another drink. You want something?” I asked Donna, trying to mask the pain in my voice. She shook her head no and took a step away from me. I made my way into the crowd, disappearing into the sea of bodies, wanting to just get lost in the people, the music and in life. Cryptic was onstage and the crowd was becoming more crazy by the second. The band’s music seemed as if it could induce seizures, and I was glad we’d found a spot near the stage so we wouldn’t be in the middle of the frenzy if the crowd got too out of hand. The angry music was doing nothing to help my mood. I didn’t want to slip back into the old me who used violence when shit didn’t go my way.
I bought myself a drink and poured it down my throat, hoping to push back some of the sadness that was creeping over me.
I contemplated walking up to Sarah and taking her in my arms, and I would have if I knew that was what she wanted. If only I could get her alone again. I needed to tell her how I felt.
But instead I wandered off, walking along the tents that lined the back of the field and looking over all of the merchandise for sale. I didn’t want to mask my feelings with a smile. I wanted to be alone with who I really was. Sarah was with someone else, Donna wanted more than I could ever give her. I could hear the train whistle blowing in the distance, and instead of stepping back to watch, I wanted to stand on the tracks. I didn’t want to be left standing if it meant standing alone.
“You don’t look so good,” Terry called from my left.
“Thanks.” I shook my head as my eyes danced over leather belts and buckles.
“You don’t ever make life easy, do ya?”
“It’s not in my nature.” I laughed sardonically and took another drink.
“I know you probably don’t care if this ends up hurting you in the end, but have you thought about what it will do to Sarah?”
My eyes met his. “Every fucking second.”
“And Donna?” He cocked an eyebrow.
“Donna is just looking for some company.”
“Oh? She could have found it in my brother. You know that fucker isn’t picky.”
“Still bitter about Lizzy?”
Terry shook his head and looked off at the leather goods ahead of us. “Nah . . . he did me a favor with that one. Stop changing the fucking subject.”
“What do you want me to say? Huh? The world is full of disappointment. Donna knew from day one that I was hung up on Sarah.”
“She wants you, dumbass. And you aren’t exactly sending her clear signals.”
“Spare me the fucking lecture. Sarah is with Derek. She is never going to leave him. Am I supposed to just never be with anyone?”
“You’re thinking with the wrong head, man.”
“Nah . . . I’m thinking with my heart. Even worse.”
Terry patted me on the shoulder as he sighed loudly. “Fuck, man. Promise me you’ll keep your cool.” His eyes met mine and I could already feel my blood begin to boil. “Derek is telling everyone he is taking her to Texas to meet his family.”
“What?” I didn’t mean to yell but I was completely blindsided. “No.” I shook my head. “She wouldn’t do that.”
“She didn’t deny it, man. She was right there.” I glared over at him and he ran his hand over his hair. “I’m gonna give you a minute to think over what you want to do about that. Just . . . if she seems happy, isn’t that what you want?”
I nodded but I was crushed. I knew she was feeling what I was, and deep down she knew what kind of person Derek was. I threw my can in the trash and ordered another drink. I preferred to forget this trip altogether. It would all be over in two weeks anyway. Maybe Terry was right and I just needed to fucking get over it and move on. Somehow.
Chapter Twenty-Six
SARAH
AS THE SUN began to sink, the bands got better. The only thing missing was E, who had disappeared about an hour ago. I tried to focus on the lyrics as the singer belted her heart out onstage, but I couldn’t get E out of my mind.
A friend could worry about a friend. That’s what I told myself as I scanned the crowd for him. Derek’s arms tightened around my waist as he danced behind me, but I just swayed my hips slightly, not feeling up to dancing.
The idea of leaving California after our vacation and heading straight to Texas freaked me out. Derek grew up with his grandmother and his older brother, who was off in Texas working as a lawyer. How much trouble could one little old lady be? But I still couldn’t settle my stomach at the thought of meeting anyone’s family. I knew what kind of secrets can be hidden behind locked doors.
“You all right?” Cass asked, pulling me from my thoughts.
“Yeah.” I shrugged.
“I’m going to grab Tuck a drink. You want to come?”
“Sure,” I replied with a little too much enthusiasm. Derek released his hold on me and Cass and I wove our way through the crowd to the tents set up in the back.
“You doing okay? You looked a little out of it back there.”
“I’m nervous about meeting Derek’s family.” I shrugged.
“Yeah, I get that. Meeting Dorris was a real . . . fun experience.” Cass laughed.
“You’re not helping.” I laughed and a hand landed on my hip.
“Maybe I can help,” E whispered into my ear, and Cass grinned as my face flushed.
“I’m gonna grab the drinks.” Cass turned and made her way to the tent, leaving me alone with E. I turned around to face him.
He smiled as he ran the pad of his thumb over my cheek. “I went off for a drink and you moved on with your life.” He put his hand over his heart dramatically and swayed slightly.
“How many of those drinks have you had? You’ve been gone a long time.”
“Long enough for you to make plans to meet Derek’s family?” E cocked his head, and even though his tone was playful, I knew his mood was anything but.