‘That would indeed be a remarkable coincidence,’ said Porfiry, smiling to himself.
Virginsky flicked through the pages of the book. ‘I see it only goes back to April this year.’
‘Don’t worry,’ said Porfiry. ‘I have ten others for you to look at when you have finished with that.’
He couldn’t say how long he had been looking at the maps. It was something he always used to do: look at the maps and wander in his mind along the avenues, across the squares, through the courtyards of St Petersburg. When the morphine took hold of him there was nowhere he couldn’t go. Even the rooftops were his; he would swoop over them like the all-possessing gaze of an angel on St Isaac’s Cathedral. But without the operation of that balm, in which time and space unfolded like the petals of a complex and beautiful flower, the maps remained simply maps, ink imprinted on paper. He could hardly make sense of them. He pored over them, knowing that they held some meaning, but not quite grasping what it was. Yet somehow they held him, until his hunger began to twist.
Flies of all sizes possessed the pantry, buzzing greedily around the last mould-infested crust of bread, the collapsed fruit and seething meat.
Meyer fled the dacha, and the rotten remnants of a life that it contained.
Music from somewhere — a pleasure boat? — came at him in a cloud of gnats. He swatted at it uselessly and lurched away from the dacha with blundering step, tripped by the weight of a sudden exhaustion.
The music put an idea into his head: Bezmygin. He would confront the hated Bezmygin. He could hear the man’s pernicious influence, the grating bow-scrape over strings, in the strains that reached him.
Meyer walked blindly, not even following the music, or not consciously so. His hunger pangs returned, almost to console him, reminding him of his humanity. From somewhere came the thought: One should not contemplate such things on an empty stomach. And yet he would not articulate what he was contemplating, indeed had not realised he was until that moment.
He came to the river, a brooding expanse that seemed to absorb the dusky light without giving anything back. Flecks of movement bobbed briefly on its surface before sinking into the darkness beneath. Pools of light and laughter from the lantern-decked boats hovered above it. They poured out music, and other sounds of enjoyment. In the need to keep the music coming, he saw a fatal desperation. If the music stopped, all that would be left would be the dark abyss of the river and the blank sky above. The boats and the people on them would be absorbed.
In the distance, the flames of the rostral towers flickered uncertainly. They held nothing for him, nor was he drawn to them. Beyond them, the city awaited his coming like a spider’s web. But he was already footsore and exhausted. He hungered but had no appetite. There was nowhere for him to go, only a dead and empty dacha to flee from.
He stepped on to a big, stone-built bridge spanning the river’s full width. There were no names any more, not for the island he was quitting, nor even for the city that lay across the nameless river.
At the mid-point of the bridge, he climbed the balustrade and stood for a moment poised against the pull of the turning earth. One step forward would take him away from the swirling clash of music, into silence. He closed his eyes and imagined taking that step. He imagined his fall. How long would he have to flail his limbs in the air? In his mind, the fall took for ever; the slam of the water never came. He opened his eyes and looked down into the lapping darkness.
His body swayed forwards, giving in to the allure of gravity. He looked up, away from the river, tears blurring his vision, and continued to lean into the empty air. A sickening internal shift carried his body with it. He passed the point of control. The lean became a lurch. He felt his legs buckle.
There were voices behind him. Someone called out the words of a psalm.
His arms thrashed out, winging the air. He bent his knees and lowered his centre of gravity to recover his balance.
It was not that he wanted to live. It was just that he could not bring himself to die. He allowed the hands on his legs and waist to pull him back. He surrendered himself to the grip of strangers.
PART THREE
1
‘The Lord is my shepherd: I shall not want!’
Yemelyan Antonovich Ferfichkin shouted the words at the man swaying on the balustrade. He crossed himself twice and moved away from the commotion on the Tuchkov Bridge, away from the memory of the man’s face as he tottered on the railings, balanced for a moment between life and death. He did not wait to see the outcome. The face had seemed familiar. The more Ferfichkin thought about it, the more convinced he became that he recognised the wretch. It was, without doubt, one of his enemies.
‘A suicide is no good to anyone,’ he muttered scornfully. ‘Especially one who throws himself in the Neva.’ He pointed into the air emphatically as he spoke. It was a habit that came from living alone, this talking aloud to himself — or rather to an imagined audience. He had seen children, and even those old enough to know better, laugh at him to his face, not even bothering to hide their mockery behind their hands.
An unaccountable sense of guilt, as if he were to blame for the man’s predicament, hounded him as he moved south. ‘R-r-ridiculous! ’ he called out with a defiant laugh. The glances he attracted were wary. He scowled back and even bared his teeth. It was simply a bizarre coincidence that he should see this man, whose name he couldn’t even remember — ‘German, wasn’t he? That was it!’ — but with whom he had almost certainly quarrelled at some point in the past; that he should see him tonight, on midsummer’s night of all nights, for the first time in God knows how many years, at possibly the ultimate moment of the scoundrel’s life. For, whoever the fellow was, whatever his name, Yemelyan Antonovich Ferfichkin was certain that he had to be a scoundrel. None but scoundrels and sinners took their own lives.
Naturally, it unsettled him. Coming on top of the day’s events, the rather nasty scene with Gorshkov, it was no wonder that it got to him. His nerves were frayed. ‘Understandable,’ he cried.
He had braced himself for the inevitable splash but it had not come and he had moved too far away to hear it now. It hung over him like the sense of unfinished business.
He was tempted to return home. There was work waiting for him there, always work to be done, money to be earned by the plying of the needle, or the weaving of words. There was another one to be buried tomorrow. Ferfichkin would need to spend some time beforehand browsing the Good Book, letting the words enter him, joining the words that were already there, so that he could call on them when he needed them: by the graveside. He needn’t worry, he knew. The right words always came to him.
Again he felt a strange nagging guilt. He was thinking of the Bible in his room and his conscience was not entirely easy. ‘What do you want with me?’ The question was not for the faces that turned to him, faces lit by the promise and excitement of the night. He realised that it was the Bible that had driven him out, that and the terrible, aching loneliness that always came upon him at night, especially in the brilliant, restless nights of summer.
Once it had been his friend. ‘My salvation,’ he even declared, the emotion in his eyes. Had he not taught himself Church Slavonic, in order to accept more wholly the word of the Lord, to take it upon himself and to give it to others? Had it turned against him, or was the fault his own? He could not understand where it had come from, this sense of reproach that he experienced now whenever he was alone with the Bible.
‘A man’s first duty is to himself,’ he pleaded. The silence that answered him held a devastating rebuke.