"Do you still hold me at fault?"
"Not as much," Harry answered honestly. "Dumbledore wouldn't have allowed it, I'm thinking now. I mean, I don't think a godfather has any real say; it wasn't like he was my legal guardian. The headmaster would have made me stay where I was warded. And really, the fact that Pettigrew got away, that Sirius lost his chance at exoneration, had more to do with Remus transforming than with the fact that you stormed in and muddied the waters. Suppose you'd never shown up at all that night?" Harry shrugged. "The moon would still have risen."
Harry drew in a deep breath. "Anyway, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley think I'm a child, too. Well, they would. They have enough children of their own to recognize one. I... I don't know them very well, though," he added shakily. "I might, by now, if the headmaster had let me spend summers there or something..." He shrugged. "Anyway, that saving-people thing has been... what's your word... inculcated in me for good, I think. I can't get rid of it, Professor. Which means I couldn't dream of letting the Weasleys adopt me, assuming they would even offer. It would make them targets for Voldemort." A dry laugh almost made him choke. "At least you're a target already. Hell, at least you have a decent shot at defending yourself."
He didn't even realize his eyes had closed until he felt a glass of something cool being pressed into his hand. Looking at it, Harry lifted a brow. "Wine? I thought you said it would interfere with the Elixir." He moved his hand down to hold the glass by the stem.
"It should be fine," Snape murmured. "Sip it to moisten your throat."
Harry did. "Oh. That's really nice. Sort of... light and fruity." He drank a slightly bigger sip, and smiled.
"Were you expecting something foul?"
"Well, I'd only ever had a taste of Aunt Petunia's cooking sherry, and it was sort of icky," Harry admitted.
"Ah."
Harry slowly drained the glass, then leaned sideways to set it down on Snape's desk. "All right. This adoption idea. It's not just for the spell?"
"I see it's not solely a classroom behavior, this failure to pay attention."
"Sorry," Harry admitted. It had been a stupid question, considering all they'd discussed. "The spell was a catalyst."
"Perhaps you do sometimes pay attention."
Harry decided not to mention that he'd picked the word up from Draco. "All right, you um... cared about me before the warding failed, I got that. But you said your thinking hadn't gotten as far as actually... er, getting yourself stuck with me for good. So what were you thinking, then? That's what I'd like to know."
Snape's lips curled in a rueful smile. "I was thinking I didn't want to lose the understanding we'd come to have, Harry. More than that, I wanted to be in a position where I could help you if you needed it, and I most certainly don't merely mean with warding, or even magic in general. I want to be able to help you with life. Adoption didn't occur to me as parenting is rather outside my area of experience." He slanted a glance at the boy, "I had actually toyed with the idea of offering you an apprenticeship when you graduate."
"An apprenticeship," Harry gasped. "In Potions..." He couldn't help but laugh at that image.
"Daft idea, I know," Snape agreed, chuckling a bit. "You could be... adequate in the field, with more work and study. You do not have the makings for a Master. It was the best idea I'd had, however, until Dudley spoke up and I experienced a paradigm shift."
That time, Harry asked. "Paradigm shift?"
"It means a rethinking of one's beliefs, in such a profound way that the entire universe appears to be afterwards altered."
"Oh..." Harry remembered, then, reading the phrase before. It had been in a book about cosmology... Hermione's recommendation. Harry had only read the first couple of chapters, and he'd thought you said the word para-digum, but he understood the concept. "Like when astronomers realized the world wasn't flat, it changed their whole idea of everything. Right?"
"The world isn't flat?" Snape remarked, then chuckled again. "Yes, like that."
"And your great rethinking was....?"
"I'd never considered adopting you because, quite simply, I couldn't possibly conceive of myself as a parent. Then Dudley pointed out how much you needed one, and... the universe changed, Harry. I could see myself in the role."
Then Harry got it, really got it. The spell had been a catalyst, nothing more. He wondered how Draco had known that. "Um... so, say we do this..." That thought got sidetracked into another. "Will they let us do this?"
"Oh, I think so. The headmaster has a way of getting what he wants."
"And he wants this?"
"He was rather startled, I will say," Snape sighed. "He hasn't seen us together very much of late. His primary concern appeared to be that I would... I believe the word was bully you into it. Do you feel unduly pressured?"
Harry crossed his ankles and thought about that. "Not by you, so much. I keep thinking about the wards, about how Voldemort isn't too likely to just pop in for lunch, seeing as this is Dumbledore's domain... but also how he keeps finding a way in here. And Samhain... I can't even say how awful that was. I need those wards up, especially after..."
"After Samhain?"
"After my magic comes back, I was going to say," Harry admitted, his voice pitched low. "I think Voldemort assumed that wild magic was coming from other quarters; you rescuing me, or the headmaster. I think, as long as he believes I'm powerless, he won't bother about me. But after I get my magic back, he'll know it. He'll start in on my scar again. He'll send me those awful dreams... if the wards aren't up by then, he might come here to get me!"
"So you do feel pressured to accept my offer."
"Yeah, if it'll make the spell work," Harry said, a bitter, strangled laugh catching in his throat. "That's ironic, isn't it? I was upset at first, and sort of depressed, thinking that you wanted to protect me but you didn't really want me, and it turns out you do, but that I can hardly stand the idea of anybody being my parent. Because I've never had one, Professor. I... I guess I need a paradigm shift, too."
"That it's all right to depend on someone," Snape nodded. "That sixteen isn't grown."
"Something like that." Harry picked up his empty wine glass, needing to do something with his hands. He twirled the stem, looking anywhere but at Snape as he spoke. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude. It can't be nice, hearing me say yes just to let the warding proceed."
"What would be nice," Snape softly said, the words washing over Harry like a vow, "is to hear you say yes at all. Because the rest... well, it will either come or it won't, but I would like to have a chance to let it."
Bracing himself, Harry looked up. "Is it awful if I have some questions, first?"
"Prudent, I would say. And so?"
Now that the time had come, Harry didn't quite know what to ask. It wasn't as though he'd ever contemplated having a conversation like this one. He'd figured out a long time ago that it just wasn't going to happen, that Sirius was on the run and couldn't take on the responsibility, and nobody else would ever offer. His mind was blank, and Snape was waiting, and Harry blurted out the first thing that came to mind. Actually, once he heard it come out of his mouth, he realized it was the only thing on his mind.
"What would you do to punish me?"
Snape's eyes instantly flashed so much anger that Harry was tempted to say never mind, even though he did want an answer. "I didn't mean it that way," he said instead. "I mean, I'm not trying to say in advance I plan to break your rules--"