"She's going to fail all her N.E.W.T.s."
"O.W.L.s, actually. She's only a fifth year."
Draco rolled his eyes. "And she's popping into sixth-year classes? That's ludicrous!"
Harry's grin widened. "Nah. That's just Luna."
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"First time in a while I've looked forward to Defence," said Harry the next afternoon as he and Draco walked into the classroom together, Ron and Hermione close behind. "Say, I have an idea. You noticed how Aran seemed to want to keep us apart yesterday? Let's work together no matter what he says!"
Draco's eyes gleamed. "Oh, you are a bad boy, aren't you? Going to push the owl as far as it can go?"
"Yeah," drawled Harry, rubbing his hands together. Hermione saw that and gave him a disapproving look.
Good thing we warned all the sixth-year Gryffindors what to expect, Harry thought. They deserved it, after the way they'd stood up for him when Aran had first decided to be such a git. The Slytherins, though... Harry almost laughed, thinking of how they might react to what he and Draco had planned.
"Good afternoon," said Aran in a breezy voice as he entered the classroom from his office at the front. His gaze swept the assembled students, honing in on Harry and Draco almost at once. "Potter, you'll be working with Blaise Zabini again."
Harry had to work hard to school the wicked humour out of his expression. "No," he said, the word loud, clear, and distinct.
Aran stopped in mid-step, his eyes widening. "What did you just dare to say to me, Potter?"
"Oh, I'm sorry," answered Harry in an innocent voice that time. "I meant, No, Professor."
"No, Professor?" shrieked Aran.
"Madam Pomfrey can probably help out with that hearing problem, you know."
Aran stomped up to Harry and Draco's desk and leaned both his hands on it as he leaned over Harry menacingly. Actually, it would have been menacing coming from someone like Snape. From Aran it just looked sort of pathetic, since his eyes were panicked and his arms shaking a little bit. "Potter, you'll do as I say and you'll do it at once."
"No, I won't," said Harry with a smile. "I'm staying right here." He made a show of busying himself, then, getting out books and parchment and quills and such.
"Mal... Snape, you'll change seats, then."
Draco just shook his head as he leaned back, indolent, in his chair.
Aran stared. "Detention after class," he finally hissed, clearly at a loss.
"Sure," said Harry without glancing up. "Like usual. Got it."
Draco didn't bother replying.
The professor huffed, then whirled around and glared at the class. "What are all of you looking at, eh? Get out some parchment and write me a summary of what we learned yesterday about caninae!"
"Well-played," said Draco under his breath.
Harry thought so, too. It took him about ten minutes to finish the write-up Aran had demanded. He didn't think Aran really read too much of their work, especially classwork, and he wasn't brave enough to grade Harry harshly anyway, so Harry was pretty careless about the assignment. He'd started off with some details about the guard-dog spell, mostly because he was in the habit of doing what teachers asked, but after about a paragraph, he'd realised it didn't matter what Aran thought of his work.
No more than it mattered what Aran thought of his class conduct.
So he'd started getting creative.
Caninae are called that because they come in cans, he'd written. The hardest part of the spell is actually the can-opening phase. Many wizards over the years have died horrible, messy deaths when resentful caninae got trapped for too long in their magical cans. Eventually the dogs break free, see. And when they do, they're really, really upset.
Re-reading his summary now, Harry couldn't help but chortle. It was too good to keep to himself, so he passed it over to Draco.
His brother didn't so much as smile, though. "What's a can?"
"Oh, for pity's sake!" exclaimed Harry. A little too loudly, but Aran had already assigned them a detention, so what was he going to do, lay a finger on one of Severus Snape's sons? The man couldn't do a thing to them, not one thing! "A tin! Like the biscuits come in!"
"The lids pop right off those. Why would the caninae have trouble--"
"No, a food tin, like for tuna!" Draco still looked blank, so Harry quickly sketched one and explained how they'd keep food fresh for a long time. Draco made a face like the whole idea of tinned food was revolting.
"Ask Marsha to serve you some canned pears or something," Harry finally said. "I like those well enough."
"I don't go to Marsha for lessons in Muggle cuisine," said Draco scornfully.
"All right," said Harry, shrugging. "How's that going, anyway? You saw her again last night?"
Draco laughed a little. "She likes us to play board games while we talk. She thinks it helps me loosen up and say stuff I'd keep from her if I was less relaxed. It's really all kind of stupid. I mean, the games part. But in general... yeah, it's good. I--"
Before Draco could say more, Aran was snapping at them from the front of the class. "Potter, Mal... Snape! If you're quite through discussing your personal lives--"
"But we aren't," interrupted Harry as he kept leaning over toward Draco. "We'll let you know when we're done."
"Harry!" hissed Hermione from behind him.
Harry was having fun, but he didn't particularly want to have to listen to Hermione rail at him later, so he glanced up at Aran, then. "All right, all through."
Aran's face was red. From behind him, Harry heard students holding in laughter. Some of them weren't doing too well at that, actually. As the teacher looked around, Harry had a sudden flash of intuition that Aran might start taking points off his friends just to get even with him, the way Severus had that time.
But Aran wasn't as cagey as Snape. Not by half. He obviously didn't know what to do about Harry's rudeness. Or Draco's. And if he was angry now...
"Pair up," snapped Aran, shooting to his feet. "We'll practice standard blocks today, since only one student here could competently manage the caninae spell yesterday."
"Yeah, did you get any points for that, Draco?" asked Harry loudly. "I think you should talk to Severus about it, really. The only student who does a bang up good job on the assignment and you didn't get even one measly point for Slytherin?"
"Oh, Severus would be furious," Draco blandly agreed as he brandished his wand.
Aran made sort of a squeaking noise in the back of his throat and hurriedly walked the opposite direction from where Harry and Draco were preparing to duel.
"Hey, worth a shot," said Harry, shrugging. Now that the time had come to use Parseltongue in defiance of all Aran's rules, he was surprised to find himself a little nervous. Or maybe it was just elation. Of course, he'd still have to be careful to appear a bit inept at the whole thing.
Draco flashed him a look that was evil and playful all at once. "Scared, Potter?"
That helped him relax a bit. Harry laughed. "You wish!"
And with that, he cast the first spell. Nothing serious in the least, just a simple Toenail Tickle. The only difficult bit was remembering to focus on the corner of his glasses lens as he cast, but Harry was slowly getting used to that.