One story which Guy had obviously been drawn to related how a group of Canadian researchers in the paranormal, headed by a Dr. George Owen, had in the 1970’s invented a ghost. They had concocted for him a spurious history, and the name of Philip, using the seance form as a way to focus him into being. Eventually, he apparently took on his own life, or after-life, and contacted the researchers as if he had been a real ghost. As if, Griffin thought, there were real ghosts.
Philip had communicated through rapping, and had even made a table physically “dance” about a room.
Another story that had particularly seemed to impress Guy was represented in several of the books; it discussed how the author Alexandra David-Nell, while studying in Tibet, learned how to create something called a tulpa, a thought form given its own sort of life through intense and lengthy concentration. Her tulpa was given the identity of a monk, who after a time was even physically seen by another person and mistaken for a man of flesh and blood. This monk was at first benign in aspect, but after a while grew strangely sinister even in his appearance, and took on his own life to the extent that David-Nell felt he was shrugging off the yoke of her power over him, like a child outgrowing its parents and rebelling for independence. David-Nell had then struggled for half a year to “unmake” him.
An almost subliminal sound broke into Griffin’s thoughts. It was the squeak of a loose floorboard in the room above him. He realized after several moments that he was holding his breath, as if even that sound might prevent him from hearing a repetition of the stealthy creak, but no more came.
His ceiling, lost in blackness, seemed suddenly not to be there at all. He imagined it was a gaping opening, and he imagined a figure was up there at the edge of the opening, gazing down at him, waiting for him to fall asleep. Watching, in the dark, with eyes of too light a blue.
Griffin reached for the lamp on the night stand, almost toppled it in turning it on. His ceiling returned, white and solid, if the plaster a bit cracked.
He fell asleep with the lamp still on…but dreamed of multiple sets of pale blue eyes peeking at him through those cracks in the plaster.
* * *
On Sunday, Griffin put on a jacket and set out to get a paper and a coffee-to-go at his place of employment (couldn’t even stay away on his day off, he chided himself), but found himself getting no further than the front hall, where he gazed up the stairs that ascended into the gloom of the second floor landing.
He wondered if he should apologize for rejecting Idelia Hamlin’s advances yesterday evening. He could tell she’d been hurt, dejected. She had said something like it being for the best, anyway. Something about going away. Going back home, wherever that was? Would she have already left?
More than this, however, he wondered if he should have rejected Idelia Hamlin’s advances at all.
In the light of a new day it was difficult for him to imagine how he could have been so uncomfortable with her little…show of affection…that he would have broken off from it. It was he who was mad, not her. Here was this gorgeous fragile flower of a young woman, certainly no older than twenty, who had thrown herself at him, an undistinguished-looking man in his early thirties who had had fewer lovers in his life than his sixteen-year-old nephew had, he reckoned. Well, that must have been it right there, then. He was too inexperienced to respond to spontaneous desire. Too timid. Had he not been so bloody meek all his life, he might have been more experienced by now. Have a lover right now rather than be living alone. Own a book store rather than work in one. He stood mired in his self disgust—but his fingers had been curling around the railing of the staircase.
As if pulling a boot from sucking mud, he placed his right foot on the first step.
In the murk of the upper hall the door was an obscure portal almost indistinguishable from the shadowy wall. He rapped upon it. A timid knock, despite his new determination. Watch it be Guy who opens the door, he thought. Guy’s great bulk, and Idelia having fled away like some nervous fawn, back into the deep woods…
The door opened, and it was Idelia who stood in the threshold.
She wore the same heavy, dark brown sweater and black tights as yesterday, her feet again bare but she had wiped away her dramatic red lipstick and the dark mascara. It left her looking even more pale, if this were possible, white almost to bloodlessness, and made her eyes look more vulnerable, her too-full lips tender and more child-like. She appeared more sad than surly, as when she’d answered his knock last evening.
“Hello,” she murmured.
“Hi. Um, I’m glad to see you’re still here. I just, ah, just wanted to…I hope yesterday I didn’t hurt your feelings…you know…” He chuckled quite uneasily, threw up one hand. “I didn’t mean to run away like that and…embarrass you or any- thing…”
The young woman looked away and smiled slightly—half bashfully and half bitterly, he felt—and then looked back at him, her smile fading again, that brooding drowsiness returning. “Why don’t you come in?”
“Yeah, sure,” Griffin said, trying to sound casual while an almost nauseous passion loomed up through his guts like a solid invading object. It was as though he were penetrating himself. “Okay…”
As soon as Idelia had closed the door behind them and turned to face him, she reached beneath the hem of her sweater and slipped her thumbs under the rim of her tights, began skinning them down her legs like a snake shedding its skin. The contrast of the slender snowy limbs that were revealed from behind the eclipsing black material was shocking and mesmerizing. She balled the garment and tossed it onto a chair and then stood staring at him expressionlessly. She didn’t remove her over-sized sweater, so that it reached to the tops of her thighs and hid her private area in delicious secrecy.
She extended her hand to him. He took it, and it was small and cool, and she led him to the bedroom. Like a sleep-walker he followed, no longer questioning or protesting.
“I thought I’d starve myself,” she told him as she crawled onto the large bed that Griffin felt must be Guy’s. “I thought that was for the best. To just let myself fade away.” She stretched onto her back, still in her sweater, but pulled it up just enough for him to catch a shadowed glimpse of soft hair. “But now here you are,” she went on. “Here you are. I leave it all up to you. My own will…it isn’t like yours…”
Her words trailed away, but Griffin wasn’t listening, at any rate. He began to pull off his jacket, fumbled with his buttons. He watched her white, slim legs part like a flower opening its petals.
As soon as he was above her he was inside her, and she hooked her heels over the backs of his legs. He clamped a ravenous mouth over those tender lips as if to willingly bruise them, held her skull between his trembling hands. But she pushed at his shoulders gently, broke their kiss and gazed up at his face. Now she held his head between her palms.
“I want to see your eyes,” she breathed huskily, shakily. “Look at me. Don’t close your eyes. Look at me…”
He did as she asked. In his fevered state, it was the best he could do for her in the way of foreplay. But he awkwardly kneaded her small left breast through the heavy material of her sweater…and then lowered his hand to its hem so as to slip beneath it and touch the bare flesh of her belly, her nipples that must be as pale a pink as her lips…