Vi and I lay beside one another, each covered in separate blankets. I stared into the empty sky, wondering which star would have to explode to annihilate the earth. Maybe dying would be better than trying to fight this war, than watching Vi use her mind control in ways she despised. If I didn’t keep my thoughts busy, they returned to the body haloed in light from my girlfriend’s burning hand.
The problem was, every thought I had only added to the guilt I constantly carried. Blaze’s disappearance. Zenn’s defection. My parents’ deaths. Leaving Vi. Getting buried alive.
Watching Vi torture—
I cut off the thought, only to repeat the circuit of damaging memories.
“Tell me something happy,” I said to break the cycle. The heaviness of dawn hung over us, and I couldn’t stand this silence for another second.
Vi emitted a tiny sigh of frustration. “I can’t,” she said. “I don’t have many happy stories.”
“Then tell me what you’re thinking.”
“I can’t,” she said again.
“Why are you so relieved?” I asked, hoping she’d punch me for reading her emotions. At least then I’d know she was back to her normal self.
“I’m relieved that you’re still talking to me,” she said. “After . . . after I lost control.” Her breath shuddered through her throat when she inhaled. “I’m so tired, and my emotions were all out of whack because of, you know, you kissing me like that. That scout, he would’ve killed us, no questions asked. He would’ve tased us both.” She paused, but I didn’t have a chance to say anything before she continued.
“I had to do something. So I just . . . let go. It was so easy, Jag. That’s what scares me the most.” She scooted closer and propped herself up so she could look at me properly. “It was so easy.”
Tears traced paths down her face, leaving clean tracks through the grime.
“That’s the hard part,” I said, wanting to touch her but not daring. “It’s not about doing what’s easy. It’s about doing what’s right.”
She nodded. “I know. I know I shouldn’t have . . . . But he would’ve killed us.”
“I know,” I said. “Sometimes we have to do things we don’t like.” No one knew the truth of those words more than me.
She laid her head on my chest. I held her tight, trying to erase this new awkwardness between us with simple pressure.
“Do you hate me?” she asked, her voice close to cracking.
“Of course not, babe.” It was the first time I’d called her that since we’d been reunited. And as Vi radiated gratitude, I knew I’d said the exact right thing at the exact right time.
“Where to next?” she asked.
“I have no idea,” I answered. I closed my eyes and wished for sleep. Thankfully, my wish came true.
Ants scurry across my face. I scream, but no sound comes out. I’ve been silenced. I feel the tech on my throat as I swipe at the insects on my face and neck.
My ears. My arms.
They’re everywhere. And not just ants. Flies, with their multifaceted eyes. Spiders. I can feel their eight legs. Dry, cool snakes slither up my torso. Along my arms and legs, sharp pinches burn with heat and venom as the spiders and ants and snakes bite me.
I yell and yell and yell, but am greeted with only the hum of insects.
I jerked awake, brushing my hand across my—thankfully—insect-free face. The air around me was filled with light.
I am not in that capsule. Those insects are not torturing me.
“I don’t think they ever did,” Vi said from beside me. “I think that was a mind trick.” Her skin looked gray, her eye sockets sunken.
“Did you sleep?” I asked.
“No.”
Guilt and relief cascaded through me. “How long have I been out?”
“It’s okay to feel relieved. I wouldn’t want someone living inside my nightmares either.”
I shoved the blanket in my backpack. “That’s not what I meant,” I said. “I just—I don’t want you to have—”
“You don’t have to explain,” Vi said. From the detachment in her face to the position of her body to the violet fire blazing in her eyes, everything screamed, Be afraid! “But you don’t have to protect me either, Jag. I’m more than capable of taking care of myself.”
“I’ve seen that,” I said before I could think.
Her eyes narrowed. “You’ve seen what I wanted you to see.”
I stood up, anger battling the fear that swelled in me. “Are you threatening me?”
She stood too, her movement fluid and graceful. I held my ground as she advanced. Adrenaline surged, making my blood race through my body. I hadn’t felt this alive in a long time.
Vi marched up to me and put her hands on my chest. I tingled at her touch. She stretched up to kiss me on the mouth. I grasped her too tightly. I returned her kiss too roughly.
She laughed as she pulled away. “There you are,” she said. The fire in her eyes had been replaced with her usual Thinker edge.
“There I am?” I asked. “What kind of freaky game was that?”
“You’ve been wallowing,” she said.
“I—wallowing? I have not.”
She cocked her head to the side. “I think I would know.”
I shouldn’t argue with that, but I said, “You don’t have to invade my mind.”
“Right. Like you don’t have to feel my emotions.”
I threw my head back and laughed, which felt foreign and freeing. “You win.”
She let me kiss her again before she set about packing up her blanket. “But I do believe the insects were all an illusion.” She said it casually, as if we were talking about the humidity.
“Why do you think that?” I kept my gaze on the horizon, noticing a blur in the blue.
“I couldn’t enter your mind,” she said. “All of the other times, I was you in the dream. I lived it through you.” She swung her backpack on and shouldered her hoverboard. “This time, I could only watch. I don’t think it was real.”
I nodded, again wondering which was worse. The mental violation, or actually being covered in writhing snakes and hairy spiders.
“I think someone’s coming,” I said, looking into the midday sun but seeing only bright light.
“Indiarina,” Vi said, a definite bite of jealousy in all five syllables.
The shock surely showed on my face. “How do you know?”
Vi cast her eyes to the ground and then quickly back to mine. “I can sort of find people I’m connected to.”
“You’re connected to Indy?”
“No.” She practically spat the word at me. “But I am connected to Thane, and he’s with Indy. They’ll be here in a few minutes.”
“Nice,” I said, but not thinking it was nice at all. I didn’t want to have a close encounter with her father when my emotions were still spiraling.
“They found a safe house in Grande.” She smiled, but it clashed with the true emotion riding beneath her calm exterior.
“What aren’t you telling me?” I asked. She opened her mouth to lie about her nerves, but I cut her off. “I can feel it, Vi. You’re anxious. Why?”
“Indy—”
“This has nothing to do with Indy.” I tipped my head to the side, trying to get a better read on her wavering emotions. She was getting better at concealing them. Still, I tasted uncertainty, some fear, but mostly anxiety. Anxiety over the unknown. Anxiety over her—
“My mother is at that safe house.”
Zenn
26.
I loitered in the Greenhouse across from Eighty, peering through the soil-stained glass at the door. It didn’t move, even when I sent a southern breeze to knock on it. The windows were black, covered by plastic on the inside.