— I just came to him… I came as usual… We are very close… I really like the way he can say things, prove things, explain things… I mean, he's very smart… I really like that… I relax from that.
— Yeah, okay… You went to see him… What mood was he in?
— It was business as usual. He was happy to see me. He was happy as usual. And what he'd had to drink beforehand was business as usual, too. He drank before seeing me often enough. I even started to like it over time… I realize it was his way of relaxing. To make it easier for him with me…
You realize we have a dumb age difference. I don't know how whiskey can help with that, but… I just want him to be able to… Well… Fuck me. So he can do it.
— I understand… Okay. You came. He'd had a drink by then. He was in a mood. You went up to him— Then?
— We started making love…
— I realize this may not be easy to say. How exactly it was… It's not necessary. It's true.
— No, I'll tell you… I started giving him blowjobs… He loved it all. I could feel it. And then he gave my cheek a weird squeeze with his hand, a painful squeeze. I cried out and asked what he was doing. He looked kind of weird, like he was out of it. But I thought it was from excitement. Though that had never happened before… Anyway, I continued on, and at some point he slapped me hard again on the same spot. On my cheek. And I fell to the floor… It was horrible. I didn't understand what had happened at all. I didn't understand why he did it. I was fine. My nose was bleeding. I looked at him, trying to figure out why he did it… But I didn't even have the heart to ask him… To ask him why…" Delaney burst into tears, and Haddock put his arms around her, gently stroking her back.
— It's all right, Delaney. It's all over now… You don't have to tell me more if you don't want to… It's all right….
— And then he picked up his whiskey glass from the table and finished it There was
something awful about it It was like he was celebrating some kind of accomplishment as he drank.
Like he was glad he could do that… And his eyes. He'd never had such scary eyes. It was as if they
weren't his eyes. They even changed color. They became kind of glassy… And… Young I remember
exactly what really surprised me was how young his eyes could be at his age. And when he finished
the glass, I thought that was the end of it. That he'd say something to me now. Somehow explain why he did it… And the last thing I remember is him swinging that glass at me… It was so scary. I
don't remember such a scary expression on his face in my life. There was no anger or hatred in it. I don't know if it was towards me or something else. It was like he was just happy that he was doing
it. That he had finally waited so long for the moment, and now he could finally do it It's
monstrous… And it's even more monstrous that he did it to me….
— I understand, Delaney. It's all behind us now. I promise no one will ever hurt you again.
— But I don't want him to be sent to Tosca! — the girl pulled back a little. — I know what will happen to him in Tosca. I don't want that-it's some kind of insanity. I'm sure it will pass.
She kept saying something else about how he'd get better, that it had been a fleeting mistake and that all good things were yet to come, and Heddock was thinking about the words "I know what's going to happen to him in Tosca". Was this someone telling everyone what was going on in his prison? That even a structure separate from the main station doesn't allow for complete privacy?
After all, all wardens were selected separately, vetted and are vetted constantly. They have no contact with the other citizens of Apollo-24 and do not communicate with the prisoners. And of the prisoners themselves, no one can pass on anything, because if he gets into special conditions, there is no way back. And those who return have not undergone anything terrible. So what could Delaney be afraid of if he can't know?
— I don't see what's so scary about someone in Tosca. Delaney, they just isolate people from society so they don't pose a threat. That's all.
— Oh, yeah?! And make them pick on each other after the toss?
— What draw?
— That they were given the opportunity to guess the side of the coin eagle/rare and if they won, the warden and if they lost, the prisoner. You didn't know about this? You're the head of the Enlightenment. Didn't you know that?
Now that was interesting. Peyton couldn't have known about it, because everything that happened to him was always bugged, watched and tapped. Some conversation would have revealed it. Delaney must have learned it from somewhere else… But such details…..
It was beginning to look like Haddock had a whole hidden movement brewing somewhere, looking for and then spreading this kind of information. And maybe even an organized movement that someone was leading. And this someone may well be hatching plans of a political nature. There were so many thoughts in his head that it was getting scary how much could be hidden behind the
curtain that he himself had arranged in the form of endless talks about life before the cryosleep and the right way after everyone woke up… This is not all the life that is on the station. People want a lot more, even if they keep quiet about it. And they shouldn't have hoped for a vacuum to form in this place.
— Delaney, take your time… Didn't know what? The drawing of lots? No, I didn't know. I didn't know because it doesn't exist. Where did you get that from?
— Charlie, are you in the clouds or something? Who doesn't know about this? We heard it from one probation worker, then another. Same thing. How proud they were that they'd gotten it right. And since they did, they got to do whatever they wanted with the prisoners… I realize no one wanted to tell you because… Because you're so nice. You're always so sweet about the bright future we have. That there even is a future. That's worth a lot. We all believe in it, Charlie. I guess that's why nobody ever tells you, because you're so kind. You're so supportive of all of us. Not like Tannet. Not like some of the elders. Nobody's gonna tell them either, 'cause they know how they're gonna act. They'll deny it. Peyton can convince them otherwise. No one doubts it. He's so smart. He's so good at explaining things. That's why no one's talking out loud. You know what I mean, Charlie?
— I certainly do. — Haddock replied. He had just heard something he had never expected to hear in his twenty-four years. That behind his back the whole station would be living a life of its own, knowing all the underhanded games he had invented, and not telling the secret to himself, because his position required him to be diligent and responsible about such things as history, social studies, and ideology. This is the kind of grave he dug for himself during this time. The kind of grave into which it is worth nothing to fall — you do it and you won't notice. And the people left above will only tell you that they could not warn you, because you are so good that you do not deserve to know what terrible wolf traps, bear pits and human graves exist everywhere. They say you need to protect your psyche from such things, or there will be no one to tell them stories.
— I know I do. — Haddock repeated. — Thank you for telling me, Delaney. What else is going on in that prison? Tell me, so I know and so I can make sure Peyton doesn't go in there.
— It's a living hell! That's what happens there… Those who become wardens, for some reason, immediately change. They become real assholes. And they don't even realize it. I don't get it, Charlie. Two of them were so easy to tell how clever they were, they'd come up with elaborate schemes to deceive others. Deceive and mock. Especially those who had gotten into the Tosca for hiding the media they had found. How they were bullied one at a time, each time coming up with new reasons for the others to give up on any one person…