— You're like a father to us… There's nothing we've kept from you. We just don't share everything with you. That's all.
— Okay, what is, like, the latest thing on the station, I wish I could tell you, but no one says…
Well, because they're afraid of upsetting you….
— Yes, it's suicide… Except that nobody will share it with you now. You don't need to know
it. Or, rather, for the picture of the world that you teach us, it will be completely unnecessary and unnecessary… Nobody will tell you about it… And I don't want to tell you….
— Suicide, you mean someone killed themselves? Hang themselves or slit their wrists? Isn't that what you mean?
— Yeah, yeah, Charlie, that's what I mean.
— It does happen to people. I know very well about such cases. It's sad, but there's nothing
you can do about it. Sometimes people take their own lives. They can't take it. They get upset. And then they leave life voluntarily Everybody knows about such cases.
— Yeah, but that's not what I'm talking about… I'm talking about the horrible suicides. I'm
talking about the people who have literally gone crazy killing themselves. And it started not too
long ago… About seven or eight months ago….
Heddock remembered that the first time he'd started cutting himself to pieces had been exactly six months ago. The first time was remembered very well because of the movie Twins, which
Thunder had watched before he'd stabbed himself in the throat. Periodically, Heddock had even thought of some meaning to it. That someone might purposely want to show him laughing at him since the movie was a comedy. But nothing so far had confirmed it. It was just craziness happening one after another without any apparent pattern. Delaney must have gotten the months wrong. She didn't even know whether it was seven or eight… But it was still strange that she knew about it, and in some detail. Somebody blabbed it again.
— So, what was so terrible about this suicide?
— Promise me, Charlie. Promise me that nothing will change. That you'll continue to shine with confidence and convince us of a bright future. We really need that. Otherwise, I won't say anything.
— Of course. Of course, I promise… I gave you my word… It's all a secret between you and me that won't go beyond this room….
— It was Patrick. Patrick Harper. He cut the entire left side of his body with a knife. Arms, legs. And then he tried to cut his heart out of his chest. And he almost made it before he died. That's what happened. There were several other cases. Maybe. Because the security section would definitely
want to cover that up. Hide it from everyone. So there'd be no panic. Or I don't know what else they could justify. But all the times they don't show us the bodies in the coffin, they just bury them. All those cases we're already counting as such suicides… And there were three more….
Haddock thought he was about to explode with surprise. Surprise. Revenge. Rage. The realization of his own weakness. All the blunders. Everything that could have been without his knowledge Yet outwardly he remained completely calm, which inside burned with the flames of
hell Not only that, they think what they want. In private. They think what they want and don't let
him know about it So they know more than he does. It turns out that there are not three, but four
cases, and the first one is hidden so that he didn't even know it existed.
— What was done with his body? What was done with Patrick?
— Buried, what else… Buried over the hill from the station… I was there myself. At night we
organized ourselves into a group so that no one would see. Some were looking around, some were carrying the body, some were digging. Someone else was doing something on purpose to distract those who didn't know about it at the station Well, judging by the amount of time that passed, no
one really noticed anything And, the interesting thing is that Patrick's disappearance wasn't
immediately noticed. It was very surprising. We all thought that on the very first day his section
would start searching all over the station, interrogating everyone who had contact with him, searching everything upside down. But nothing like that. Nobody was interested in him for two
weeks. It turned out that his supervisor did not care at all how he worked, whether everything was done and whether he even visited his workplace. It looked as if he had been remembered by chance. That someone was doing something over there, where he was now. And only then did they start
looking for him. And everyone who knew him only said that they had seen him a long time ago, two weeks ago… He had no friends. No friends at all That really surprised me too. How can there be
someone on the station who has no friends. It's clearly some sign of some kind of trouble. And
then, strangely enough, I remembered Peyton. How he once told me he didn't have any friends. And he couldn't have any, because his position as an elder implies such an objective attitude towards all citizens that there's no room for friendship Initially I thought it was just his usual political talk to
keep me at a distance from him. But when I found out that Patrick didn't have any friends, I thought it was a lot easier for Peyton. At least he has an excuse for it Unlike Patrick.
Delaney grasped her head and fell a little on her side. Heddock caught her and laid her gently on the bunk — clearly a headache from talking so much. What was there to talk about.
Heddock had never heard so much information at once about the life of his own created state. And now, strangely enough, he wanted more than anything to make sure that he never had to hear such
things again… It was time to get on with governing properly, and not so that he could organize his own uncontrolled life, work, even funerals in the open air under his nose.
— It's okay Delaney, it's okay… You need to get some rest… Be calm, everything you told me will stay just between us….
Natalie
For once, Natalie was satisfied. Sex with Morgan had been great. At first she didn't even know how he knew so well where to press her, where to caress her, where to kiss her, but he was amazing at it And it seemed to her that he didn't really need it that much.
It was very strange. She'd never had someone fuck her so well, so nicely, while she seemed to be thinking about something else. It had to be one of two things. Either he's doing it right and he's fully with her. Or he's not doing it right, and it's all because he's somewhere in his own thoughts.
That could be imagined. But the way they had it worked out normally didn't fit in his head.
On the other hand, Natalie didn't care what Morgan might be thinking. He'd already spent half the night telling her about the mysteries of Apollo 24 and conspiracy theories about Earth itself. After all, what to do with this information? Here he is all of himself such a practitioner, and what is practical even in getting answers to his questions. Even if we imagine that tomorrow he will know everything he wanted to know. And then what? And then nothing will change, and he understands it perfectly well, because he lives in the same world.
It's a gray, hard, inhospitable world. And that's the way it's going to stay. It's not that you can't go outside without a spacesuit, the temperature there is basically minus 170 degrees Celsius half the month and plus 150 degrees Celsius half the month. Not to mention the lack of oxygen. And if he's got something to do with that, that's a different conversation. But I doubt it has anything to do with how much this planet is Earth.