“It seems so redundant somehow. Eating in the midst of disaster.”
“Things look worse when you don't eat, or sleep. You're going to have to take care of yourself, Page. Why don't you go home today and sleep for a few hours? Brad can sit here while you go home.”
“I think he probably wants to go to the office. But maybe I'll take a break and pick Andy up at school. This is going to be hard for him. I haven't even thought about who's going to pick him up, drop him off, take him to baseball.”
“I can do some of it for you. Nick'll be back in college after vacation ends in a few days, Bjorn's in school all day, and Chloe'U be okay here. Whenever you get stuck, just let me know, and I'll take Andy wherever he needs to go.” He smiled at her, he had always liked her.
“That's really nice of you.”
“It's no big deal. I've got the time. I do most of my work at night anyway. I can never get any writing done in the daytime.”
They chatted for a little while, while she fought with the oatmeal and wrestled with the eggs, and finally managed to eat a little breakfast. He did everything he could to distract her, talking about his writing, his Norwegian relatives, and asking her about her painting. He told her how much he liked the mural at school, and she thanked him. She really appreciated his support, and the fact that he was there made the hospital seem a little less daunting. But her mind kept wandering back to Allyson and Brad, and Trygve knew she was having a hard time paying attention.
He explained that he had to take Bjorn for an evaluation for a new school that day, and she promised to look in on Chloe, which she did, but Chloe spent most of the day sleeping. She stirred uncomfortably every time the shots wore off, and the nurse would give her another shot of Demerol to keep her comfortable. She never even realized Page was in the room as she stood and watched her.
They moved Allie to intensive care at noon, and it was easier to keep track of both girls then. Brad stopped by at lunch, and he cried when he saw Allyson. He stopped and talked to Page when they left the room. He felt awkward seeing her again, now that she knew everything. And he could see how hard it had hit her.
“I'm sorry, Page. I'm sorry you have to deal with me on top of everything else.” He looked grim, and Page didn't look much better.
“I guess I had to face it sooner or later, didn't I?” she asked bleakly. But this certainly wasn't great timing.
“It's just too bad it happened the way it did. It's bad enough worrying about Allie.” It was, but after being caught in a lie about his whereabouts, it was inevitable that the whole story had come out, and she had decided that maybe it was best she knew, instead of deluding herself about her marriage. That was one of the worst things about it, knowing that she had thought everything was fine, when in fact it wasn't. She wondered if he had told Stephanie that he told Page everything, or enough at least, and if she was pleased that Page knew now. Page wondered about a lot of things, about them, about her, and about why their marriage hadn't been enough for him. But she also knew that she would probably never know the answers to her questions.
“I wish I knew why it happened,” Page said softly, as they stood in the hallway, with people eddying around them. It was hardly the place for an intimate discussion, but it was all they had. The waiting room was filled with anxious, frightened people, worrying about loved ones in the ICU. The hallway seemed to have more air, and it was as good a place to talk as any. Maybe the reasons for their marriage falling apart didn't even matter, just that it had happened. She looked up at him then with an odd expression. “Did it strike you both funny that I was the fool in all this, that you two were off having a good time, and I was the idiot staying home with the kids, driving car pools?” He had talked about how different Stephanie was from her, how she was so “independent,” and “her own person.” Why wouldn't she be? She had no kids, no husband, she didn't owe anything to anyone. She was free to have fun with Brad, while Page stayed at home carrying out her obligations. The thought of it really made her livid.
“Nobody ever tried to make a fool of you, Page,” he said in an undervoice as a group of residents walked by them. “I was perfectly aware of how awkward the situation was. I just didn't know what to do about it. But no one ever thought you were the fool in this. If anything, you were the innocent victim.”
“At least we agree on that much,” she said sadly.
“The big question is what we do now.” He looked nervous as he said it.
“Is it? It's beginning to look pretty obvious.” She tried to sound flip, but her eyes told a whole other story, a story of shock and despair and disappointment.
“Nothing is obvious. Not to me, at least.” And then he looked suddenly worried. “Are you leaving me?” He almost sounded surprised at the idea, and she smiled a small bitter smile as she looked at him. He was amazing.
“Are you kidding? Are you implying that you'd be surprised, or that I shouldn't, or that you're not planning to leave me anyway?”
“I never said that I was leaving,” he said stubbornly. “I said no such thing. I said I didn't know what I was doing.”
“That's an understatement apparently. Well, neither do I. But I certainly think leaving is a fairly appropriate option for either of us, given the situation. And just exactly why are you hesitating? What are you saying here? That you want to go on being married to me, or that you're not sure of this girl, or you're just too damn scared to make a move? What is it, Brad?” She was starting to raise her voice, and he was looking extremely uncomfortable in the hallway.
“Lower your voice. The whole hospital doesn't have to know our business.”
“Why not? I assume everyone else does. Everyone at work must, they must all think you're pretty hot stuff, and you've probably run into at least some of the people we know while you were with her. I guess, as they say about these things, I was the last one to know.”
“I wish you had never known … or at least not the way it happened …”
“It could have happened anytime. Someone could have said something. Andy could have gotten hurt instead of Allie, when you were supposedly 'away,' or I could have gotten sick. Or I guess I could have just run into the two of you. But what exactly are you saying to me now? That this is just an affair? Last night you gave me the impression it was serious, and you had no desire to end it. Did I hear you wrong, am I crazy?”
She wanted to believe that she had misheard him, but another part of her suddenly knew that she would never feel the same about him again. The anger might go away one day, but she could never imagine trusting him again. And maybe after all was said and done, maybe by then, she wouldn't even love him. It was hard to know now, and all she could do was wonder about his intentions.
“You're not wrong,” he said, looking annoyed again. “I didn't say I would end it. But I think it's too soon for you to make a decision about us, and this is an impossible time, with all of this happening to Allie.”
“Oh, I see.” She began to steam again, but this time, she kept her voice down. “You don't want to stop seeing your little friend, but you just don't want me asking you to move out, or move out yourself, because this isn't a convenient time. I'm sorry, I hadn't understood that. No problem, Brad. Stay as long as you like. Just be sure you remember to invite me to the wedding.” There were tears stinging her eyes, and angry words on her lips, but they both knew they were not going to resolve the situation in the hallway outside ICU, where their daughter lay in a coma. There was too much going on, and this was far too explosive a situation.
“I think we just have to cool it for a while, and see what happens to Allie,” he said calmly. It was a reasonable suggestion, but Page was still too angry to hear it. “Besides, it would be too hard on Andy right now, if we did anything drastic.” It was the first really sensible thing he'd said, and Page had to nod in agreement.