“We'll come and get him.”
“Why don't you let Bjorn and me bring him home? He's having some hot chocolate. I'll bring him home when he's finished.”
“Thank you,” she said gratefully, and went to tell Brad what had happened.
“I guess we have to say something to him,” Brad said unhappily.
“I think we have to face it ourselves. We can't go on like this for much longer.” She sighed deeply then. “And I guess I'm going to have to take him to see Allie.” She went to call the police then, to tell them that Andy had turned up at a friend's, and they told her they were glad to hear it.
And half an hour later, he came home with Bjorn and Trygve. He walked into the house looking very sad and very pale, and Page burst into tears when she saw him. She pulled him into her arms and told him how worried they had been, and how much they loved him.
“Please don't ever do that again. Something terrible could have happened.”
“I thought you were mad at me,” he said, crying, glancing up at Brad too, who was fighting back tears of his own, as Trygve and Bjorn stood with them in the kitchen.
“I wasn't mad at you,” Page explained, “and neither was Daddy. And Allie isn't dead. She's very, very sick, just the way I told you.”
“Then why can't I see her?” he asked suspiciously, but this time Page surprised him.
“You will. I'm going to take you tomorrow.”
“You will? For real?” He beamed from ear to ear, he still didn't really understand what he would see there, that she would not talk to him, would not even look like the sister he loved and remembered. But maybe he needed this, maybe he needed reality too, just as she did.
“He thought Allie was dead,” Bjorn explained for him.
“I know,” Page said, thanking him for taking care of Andy.
“He's my buddy,” Bjorn said proudly.
She took them both into Andy's room, and Bjorn helped her put him to bed. She kissed Andy then, and Bjorn went back to the kitchen to find his father.
“Is Daddy going away?” Andy asked her worriedly, once she had put the lights out.
“I don't know.” She didn't know what to say. “When I know anything, I'll tell you. But whatever happens, it has nothing to do with you. No one's mad at you. It just has to do with me and Daddy.”
“Is it Allie's fault?” He was looking for someone to blame, but sadly enough, there was no one.
“It's no one's fault,” Page continued to explain. “It just happened.”
“Like the accident?” he asked, and she nodded.
“Yeah. Like that. Sometimes things just happen.”
“You kept saying you were tired, that's why you and Daddy were yelling.”
“We are tired, but there's other stuff too. It has nothing to do with you. Just grown-up stuff. Honest.” He nodded, none of it was good news, but it was easier to cope with the truth than his fears. He had been so sure that it was his fault. “I love you very, very much …and so does Daddy.”
He nodded, and put his arms around her neck and kissed her. “I love you too. Will you really let me see Allie?”
“I promise.” She kissed him again and started to leave the room and he asked her to send Brad in. And when he went in, she said good night to Bjorn and Trygve. She thanked them again for finding him, and Trygve smiled at her as they left.
“Good night, Page,” he said quietly, and she felt as though their bond to each other had deepened. She had no secrets from him, and their families seemed to be becoming slowly intertwined. Brad felt something too. He glanced at her as he came back into the kitchen.
“Something going on between you two?” he asked bluntly, and she shook her head.
“No. But that's not the issue.”
“I know. I just wondered. I like him. I figured maybe you did too. He's a decent guy.”
“We've spent a lot of time together at the hospital in the last few weeks. He's a good father, and a good friend.”
Brad looked at her quietly across the kitchen. “I guess I haven't been there much for you …” His eyes filled with tears and he looked away. “I can't stand seeing her like that … so broken … so changed …she doesn't even look like Allie.”
“I know. I try not to think about it, just about what has to be done for her.” He nodded, admiring her, he just couldn't face it.
“What are we going to do about us?” he asked, and then opened the door to the garden. “Why don't we talk out here so no one hears us.”
She followed him and they sat on two chairs.
“It doesn't work this way, does it? I thought we could get away with it for a while, until I figured out what's happening. But I'm never here, you're always mad, and I feel pulled in a thousand directions. And every time I get home, I see Andy looking at me, or the hurt or anger in your eyes, or I realize I can barely make myself go see Allie …” And Stephanie was pushing him to move in with her, and he wasn't sure he was ready to do that either. “Maybe I should stay somewhere for a while. In a way, I'd rather be here. But it doesn't work for anyone.” She thought long and hard about what he was saying. At first, she had wanted him to stay at home too, but not the way things were now. It was nightmarish this way, and they both knew it. They had to face it. It was over.
She caught her breath before she said the words, and once they were out, she couldn't believe she'd said them. If anyone had told her a month before, she wouldn't have believed them. “I think you should move out,” she said in barely more than a whisper.
“You do?” He looked surprised as he stared at her. But in a way, it was a relief to hear her say it.
“I do.” She nodded slowly. “It's time. We've been kidding ourselves for the past few weeks. I think it was over long before I knew it. You would never have told me what you were doing, about …your other life …unless you were ready to let go of this one. I just didn't understand that when you told me.”
“Maybe you're right,” he said unhappily. “Maybe I should never have said anything.” But he couldn't take it back now, he couldn't undo what he'd done, and in truth, he didn't want to. “I wish I knew the answers, Page.”
“So do I.” She looked at him, wondering how they had come to this. Was it all because of the accident, or was that just the catalyst? Things had to have been ready to fall apart before, or this would never have happened. “I always thought we had such a perfect life,” she said, thinking back on it. “Even now, I can't see where we went wrong …what we did … or should have done …”
“You couldn't have done anything,” he said honestly, “I was fucking up for a long time. You just didn't know it.”
“I guess not,” she said, suddenly grateful that she hadn't known sooner. They had had sixteen years that she cherished now. She still couldn't believe they were over. “What'll we tell Andy?” She looked worried again. It was amazing, sitting here, discussing this, like a party they were going to give, or a trip, or a funeral. She hated every minute of it, but it had to be done, it was better to face it. “We have to say something to him soon.”
“I know. We tell him the truth, I guess …that I'm an asshole.”
She smiled at him in the dark. He was an asshole at times, but she still loved him. In some ways, she would have liked to turn the clock back, in others she knew it wasn't possible. Even after only three weeks of destruction, it had gone too far now. The whole foundation of their marriage had been undermined long since, and the entire structure had finally caved in. In truth, it had been a long time coming. And the fact that she hadn't known it was happening didn't lessen the power of the collapse. Everything around them was falling.
“What do you think you'll do?” she asked quietly. “Move in with her?” It sounded like he already had, part time at least, from what her friend said.
“I don't know yet. That's what she'd like. But I need some time to catch my breath.” It wasn't going to be easy for them. Their relationship had been built on lies, and lust, and cheating. It was harder to build on something like that, and he was beginning to understand that. “When do you want me to go?”