But that didn't settle with me. He wasn’t the Xander I’d always known. He was quieter than usual, withdrawn, and I had the constant impression that he was keeping secrets. He’d show up with scratches on his arms and neck, sometimes his face, and once or twice a bruise. I knew Alex was a big, strong man and all of that, but, honestly, I worried about his physical safety. Melissa would fly into rages where she would not only hit, but she would throw things. I came to the flat once with Oliver to find a steak knife she had flung stuck into the wall above the stove in their kitchen. CD cases would be shattered, picture frames smashed. The rubbish bin was always full of broken items.
“This is mad!” I couldn't stand it. I could feel my face flushing red as I pointed to a broken mirror in the trash. “Are you waiting for her to kill you?”
“We haven’t got a gun,” He mumbled, “She’s not going to kill me.”
“Leave her.” I demanded
“Say that again,” His head snapped up. His deep brown eyes burned into mine, “And you’re the one who can leave, Silvia.”
“Fine!” I told him, snatching up my purse “You go ahead and keep her then! Let her ruin your life, but I’ll tell you one thing for nothing, Alexander Dickinson! If she hurts that baby I’ll kill her myself! Count on it!”
“Get out, Silvia,” He was looking straight at me, but his voice was a whisper, “I have more glass to clear.”
I stomped out and slammed the door while I was at it.
Oh, I hated that Melissa! I hated her for more reasons that I could count, but I hated her most for the affect she was having on the family.
“We need to do something!” Ana told us all one night while we were having supper at her house with her and Ed, “Some sort of intervention! Alex is in trouble!”
“He’s a grown man,” Eddie mumbled, but it was obvious he was upset as well. He rubbed his face with his palms and sighed.
“Oliver, tell us what’s really happening,” Ana looked at her son searchingly, “We all know you know! You always know! He’s keeping secrets! Keeping secrets from his mother!”
Oliver smiled an easy, natural smile, but I knew it was false, “Ah, Mum, Xander’s all right!” He coaxed, “Really! When hasn’t he had secrets?”
“Oliver, don’t try to make this less than it is!” She seemed near tears, “He's my son! He's my baby! Alexander might be a grown man, but he's still my baby!”
“Mum,” Ollie said gently, putting his hand over hers, “I’m not making it less than it is! I know he's your baby! He's my brother, too, yeah?” He patted her, “He's all right, really. It’s just that things aren’t good over there and he’s trying his best to make them better. He’s trying to focus on his family, on his own son. He’s not trying to leave you out. It’s nothing personal. Give him enough space to do what he has to do to sort it out.”
“It’ll never sort out,” I said quietly, “No matter what he does, it will never sort out.”
“He’s throwing himself away,” Ana was doing her best to keep her composure, “All for that girl!”
“He’s throwing his time away,” Ollie agreed, “But I don’t think he’ll throw away his life. He feels responsible for her. For her and Nigel. They’re his family whether we like her or not.”
“What can we do?” Ed asked seriously, “Oliver, you know him best. Tell us how to help our son.”
“Be here for him. Stand back and watch him and be ready to catch him when he falls. He‘s going to fall hard, too. It‘ll take all of us.”
So we did. We stood back and we watched him fall.
Melissa came and went in our daily lives. Eddie tried his best to stay friendly, but Ana was losing her patience. She had the instinct that all good mothers have, that urge to protect her babies no matter if they were children or grown men. I know Alexander kept much of what went on in his marriage to himself, and especially from her, but she was his mother and she could see the stress on his face and feel the pain in his heart whether he told her about it or not. And Oliver, bless his heart, couldn’t look his mother in the eye and tell her lies.
“He’s all right, Mum,” He reminded her one afternoon in the kitchen after Alex had left in a hurry, “He’s doing his best. He’s spread too thin, but he’s all right. Believe me, if he wasn’t I’d make sure to correct the situation.”
“I know you would, Oliver,” She clicked her tongue, “He’s just not himself. Where’s his fire? Where’s his spark? This isn’t like him. He’s not my Xander anymore,” She looked as if she were about to cry, but she didn’t, “I miss my son, Oliver. I miss your brother. I miss Alexander.”
“He hasn’t gone anywhere,” Ollie wrapped her in his arms, “He’s just trying too hard.”
Oliver was compensating, making excuses, and I knew it, but I said nothing. Oliver was hurting as well. He missed his brother, too. We all did.
Melissa had discovered she was pregnant again five months after Caro was born. Oliver came home one night after visiting their flat and told me he was certain she was going to fling herself out in front of a train.
“Oh, she’s not pleased,” He shook his head, “You’d think she found out she’s dying.”
“How’s Alexander?”
“He’s fine about it. He’s a bit surprised, but he’s taking it in stride. I don’t know about the two of them, Love. There’s real trouble over there.”
“Like that’s any kind of a shock,” I mumbled.
I saw Melissa a few days later and gave her my congratulations. She screwed her pretty face up into a smile and thanked me, but she said, “I really wasn’t ready for this,” As she pushed her blonde hair behind her ear, “I don’t know if I can handle it.”
“Not much of a choice now,” I returned her smile, “If you need anything, let me know, right?” I was trying to be cordial for Xander’s sake. He had pulled so far away from his support system that I didn’t want to give him any more of a reason to leave us than he had. I wasn’t going to create a problem and take the chance of him ultimately choosing her over us.
Melissa nodded and hurried off to work.
I couldn’t understand why she was so stressed out about her pregnancy. If I’d been pregnant again I’d have been doing cartwheels and dancing with joy, but I was becoming more and more aware that everything stressed her out. Melissa and I had an odd relationship. It was obvious that she despised me. She made comments to Ana and Edmond about me that were quite out of line, but there were other times when she was friendly and kind. She could really be very sweet at times, but the fact that she could be so nasty made me think that all of her good traits were nothing more than a manipulation to get what she wanted. I ignored her more than anything. I knew I had the upper hand because she was well aware that I was firmly entrenched in that family and any wrong move could land her square on her bum.
Having another baby seemed to be enough to change her attitude and she started coming around more, being friendlier with me, and allowing Alex more freedom with his brother. It was enough for me to back off just a bit. She toed the line just to where I didn’t see any need to carry out my threat of death upon her. Alex wasn’t happy, but he wasn’t exactly miserable either. For some inexplicable reason, he actually loved that girl. I’d never seen him so attentive, so affectionate and selfless with any woman. And, believe me, I’d seen Alexander with more than a few women. He adored her, even if everyone else would have helped her pack and taken her out to her car at any given second if it meant she was leaving. And sometimes when she was with him you could see that she adored him as well, that she trusted him much in the same way that I trusted Oliver. When they weren't fighting you could tell that they were friends. The problem was that they fought too frequently to see that very often.
Still, it was there, in their intimate moments when they thought no one was watching. When he'd take her hand and kiss her fingers, when he'd touch her belly and smile and when she'd stand on the tips of her toes to whisper in his ear and they'd laugh softly over a private joke. I saw it. I knew it was real. Whatever it was between them, whether anybody else understood it or not, it was real.