“It’s not about the sex,” She told me one evening in private, “It’s about the fact that he only lets me get so close. He throws up boundaries and road blocks as we go along. He’s hot and he’s cold. I never know which it’s going to be. I’m so bleeding confused my head hurts!”
I told Oliver what she‘d said one morning when it was just he and I straightening up the front room, “What’s with that? Why isn’t she upstairs with your brother by now?”
“Because,” Oliver puffed a pillow and set it on a chair, “My brother is in love with her.”
“So tell me again why she’s not in his room?”
Oliver sighed. “Oh, Silly Silvia. Think about it. My brother’s in love with her. Don’t you know what that means?”
“It means he should be putting her in his bed by now. He‘s put enough women into his bed he didn‘t love, why not try something new and make it meaningful?”
Oliver laughed, “No, Love. It means that he’s scared shitless.”
“Of Lucy?”
“Yes, of Lucy! And of having his heart broken again,” He looked at me and immediately understood that I didn't, “Think about it. He’s got her here with him all the time. They adore each other, yeah?. Always have. She loves his children and they love her. It’s perfect, isn’t it? It’s a fantasy, yeah? Too right to be true and it came too easily. He didn‘t even have to win her over, it was built in that they were both emotionally involved. So what happens if he actually makes it real? What happen if he takes her upstairs? What if in the end he winds up hurting her? Or, worse yet for him, what happens to him if she decides she doesn’t love him the way she’s always thought she does and runs away like Melissa did?”
“That’s barking! She wouldn’t!”
“I agree. I don’t think she would, either, but it’s where his head is right now. He’s scared. It’s her who’s going to have to make the first move if anything’s going to go forward and I think she’s going to have to push hard, too. He likes things where they are. It‘s safe for him.”
“My God, Oliver, I never thought I’d see the day when Alexander was afraid of a girl!”
“Aye, neither did I, especially not Lucy Cotton, but he is.”
“Well, can’t we do something about it?”
“We could strip them naked and glue them to each other.” He suggested as he folded a blanket and laid it across the back of the sofa, “Or we can just stand back and wait until he pulls his head out of his arse.”
“Well, that’ll be a sonic boom.”
I watched the two of them, Lucy and Alexander, from a distance. To be honest, I didn’t think they’d ever get it straight. There were times when they were so blissful together I thought they’d elope as Oliver and I had. Alex was spontaneous and romantic with her and she doted on him and the children. They would seem to be so happily devoted to each other and then out of the blue, Lucy would come to me in tears, confused and hurt and feeling rejected because Alexander had pulled away.
“I cocked everything up,” My sister told me at the table when it was just the two of us folding towels, “I told him I love him.”
“Did you now?” I asked with interest, “And how is that a cock up?”
“You should have seen the look on his face. It was like I stuck a dirty sock under his nose,” She buried her face in her arms.
“What did he say?”
“He said the worst thing possible.”
I shut my eyes and cringed, unable to fathom the worst thing Alexander could come up with to say. I hesitated to ask, “What was that?”
“Nothing! He said absolutely nothing!” She laughed, but not like she thought that it was funny in the slightest, “And I immediately changed the subject to what we should do for Natalie’s birthday!”
“I’m sorry he’s such an arse,” I told my sister sincerely.
“I love him just the same,” She lifted her head, “So I think that makes me the arse.”
One night in late September, nearly four months later, Oliver and I were startled awake by the sound of voices. Not the playful voices of the elves or the tender voices of lovers whispering in the night, but the thunderous voices of two people who were very much in the midst of a nasty row in the garden.
Oliver and I hurried to the window in the kitchen.
“Don’t you walk away from me!” My sister screamed, chasing Alexander through the grass. “Alexander, I mean it! Don’t you walk away from me! Let’s finish this!”
“What the fuck do you want from me, Lucy?” He turned halfway across the garden and faced her. He shook his hands in a manner as if to say he was ready to throttle her.
“I want you! Are you that bloody stupid?” The gestures didn't seem to faze her, “I want to know where we stand!”
“And I need to get away from you so I can think!”
“About what? About how much time you’ve wasted?” She stood her ground. “About how long you think I’m going to wait for you to realise that you love me, too? How long do you think I’m going to let you string me along? I won’t wait forever for you to make up your mind!”
“Nobody’s asking you to wait!”
“Do you want me to go then? Say it! Tell me if you want me to go! I’ll go! I’ll be gone tonight! I’m ready to go right now! Just say it!”
“Oh, grow up!” He turned his back and made his way to the edge of the hill.
“I won’t be here when you come back!”
Alexander didn’t turn around. He waved an arm at her as if to say he either didn’t believe her or he didn’t care and he kept going. I watched my brother in law disappear behind our hill. I heard the engine start in his truck and watched the car lamps whip around and disappear through the trees. And then I saw my sister cover her face with her hands and sink to her knees.
“Ah, that cockhead’s gone and done it now, hasn’t he?” Oliver was distinctly aggravated. He made it across the room in two steps and pushed open the door. He was across the lawn just as fast, “Lucy,” I heard him say softly as he knelt beside her, “It’s all right. He’ll come back…”
I came to her other side and put my hand against her back, “I’m so sorry, Sissy.”
“He’s such an arsehole!” She wailed.
“Aye,” Oliver comforted her, “He is.”
“He’s so incredibly obstinate! He’s the most insufferable bastard ever!”
“Aye. He is.”
“I love him so much! And I know he loves me! I know he does!”
“He does. I swear it,” Oliver pulled her under his chin and squeezed her affectionately.
“Then why does he do this? Why does he make me feel like I’m the most precious thing on Earth one minute and the next leave me standing here alone? He does this to me all the time! I don’t know how much more I can take!” She wiped the tears from her cheeks, “I swear I’ll walk away from him! I swear I will! Am I just a friend? Am I his girlfriend? Are we lovers? I don’t know! He won’t tell me! He’s such a dick! I don’t need this shit! I want to leave right now!”
“Don’t be so fast to do that,” I told her gently, “Just give him a little more time. I think he’s worth waiting for.”
“Lucy,” Oliver took her hand, “Come with me to the pub. You and I need to talk.”
“You’re in your pyjamas!”
“I’ve seen people walk in there in worse than this,” He insisted, rising to his feet, “A hard cider and a breath of different air will do you good. My brother’s an emotional midget. He can’t explain himself, so I’ve got to do it for him before he throws away the best thing in his life.”
Fifteen minutes after they left, Alexander came storming into the house. He looked at the empty couch and then turned to me. “Where’s Lucy?” He demanded angrily.