More silence. Alec was making furious gestures at me and I could feel a pulse quicken as it rose in my throat.
‘Because they do muck about up there, pretending to push one another and whatnot. It’s terrifying to watch. And if I could say I had it from a reputable doctor that a shove and a fall are both worse than a jump and that even a doctor can’t tell the difference… Well, the thought of one dead and the other in jail for fratricide might have some sway.’
‘I think I would rather you did not quote me on this topic,’ said Dr Milne, after a huge pause. ‘As you say, a reputable doctor has a great deal of sway and has to be very careful.’ My mouth dropped open in amazement.
‘What?’ Alec hissed, jumping to his feet. ‘What’s he saying?’
‘I suppose so,’ I said as calmly as I could. ‘Well, be assured that if I need to call upon a witness for corroboration, I shall leave you out of it.’ I gave my best attempt at a gay little laugh. ‘I shan’t see buttered scones for days to come, Dr Milne.’
‘My condolences,’ he intoned, not even trying to match my gaiety.
We rang off.
I tried to relay it word for word to Alec; at least I got the gist of the important bits.
‘A reputable doctor has a great deal of sway?’ Alec echoed. ‘Oh my God, Dandy, he’s going to sue you for defamation. You just wait. You’re not safe to be let out.’
‘I like that,’ I said. ‘What would you have done? Nothing, that’s what. And where would we be once you had? Nowhere.’
‘Well, where have you got us?’ he said.
‘I’ve shown Dr Milne up for what he is,’ I said. ‘I always knew he was. The way he spoke about the girl that very first time – you weren’t there, Alec, you don’t know. And now it’s quite sure. Just because she was a servant (he thought) and had got into trouble he didn’t even bother to wonder whether she had jumped or was pushed. Didn’t even think to question Lena’s version of things. A snob and a fool.’
‘A snob and a fool now thoroughly on his guard. I wish you had talked things over with me before launching into it, Dandy. That was a very silly thing to do.’
So, from self-taught philosopher to reckless idiot overnight. There was ages until the dressing bell, but I stamped off anyway, feeling under-appreciated and sick of the lot of them. (I was even cross with Donald and Teddy for the playing on the roof.)
Grant, evidently, was in one of her mellower moods and did not seem put out to be summoned early. She had taken delivery that afternoon of a collar and cuffs in mauve rabbit-fur edged with seed pearls, which she planned to attach to a lilac chiffon evening wrap of mine. I could not remember ever hearing of these monstrous articles, much less rubber-stamping their purchase, and when Grant opined that there was plenty of time to get them on in time for dinner that night I panicked.
‘Bit of a waste, isn’t it?’ I asked, cajolingly. ‘Only Mr Gilver and Mr Osborne to see them.’
Grant sighed.
‘Yes, I daresay, madam,’ she said, laying the collar back in its tissue paper nest. ‘When’s the next time anyone will be here?’ By anyone, I knew, Grant meant any ladies. We make no pretence about that.
‘As soon as I can arrange it,’ I said feelingly, stepping out of my dress and turning to let her unbutton my underbodice. ‘I am sick up to my teeth of men and boys, Grant. I’d join a convent for tuppence.’
‘Oh, madam, no,’ she said, genuinely shocked. ‘Grey serge and no lipstick. And all that praying must give them knees like leather. They must thank heavens habit hems never go high enough to show them.’
Grant’s take on the preoccupations of nuns, utterly serious and utterly typical, cheered me up no end.
‘Well, all right,’ I said. ‘Not a convent. Perhaps a harem.’ I suspect she is unshockable, but it does not stop me from trying. She smirked at this, though, and I saw that I had failed again.
‘What have “men” done anyway, madam?’ she asked presently through a mouthful of hairpins. I have offered many times to hold the pins and pass them to her, but I do not pass them quickly enough or hold them out at the right angle and she is best left to manage it herself.
‘Nothing out of the ordinary,’ I said. ‘Just been unwilling to face up to the plainer side of life and made everything more difficult as a result.’
‘Oh, that,’ said Grant. ‘As to that, madam, the kitchen cat brought in a mouse this morning and started to eat it right under the upper servants’ breakfast table, and guess who crawled under with a bit of newspaper and got it away from the little beast? Mrs Tilling. Mr Pallister was the colour of milk.’
‘Exactly,’ I said, lifting my chin while she untied my dressing cape. ‘What if the mouse had still been alive, though?’
‘Lord, I’d have run a mile!’ said Grant.
‘Me too,’ I said, and even the thought of it made me tuck my feet up off the carpet. ‘Men do have their uses,’ I concluded.
‘No doubt about it, madam,’ said Grant. ‘You said yourself you’d prefer a harem to a convent.’ (When it comes to shock statements, Grant outstrips me without trying.) ‘But birth, death and nappies, as my mother always used to say.’
I stared at her.
‘Birth, death…?’
‘And nappies, madam. Things men don’t do. Are you all right?’
I didn’t answer, but continued to stare.
‘Madam?’
‘I shan’t need you tonight, Grant,’ I said. ‘And tomorrow is your day off, isn’t it? Well then, let’s say I’ll do without you in the morning too.’ I stood and turned slowly, arms out, while she inspected me.
‘I hope I haven’t said anything to offend you, madam,’ said Grant. ‘I meant nothing by it.’
‘Absolutely not,’ I said. ‘You’ve been very helpful.’
I waited until she had cleared the end of the passageway and disappeared through the door to the servants’ stairs, then, shoes in hand, I crept along to the guest wing on tiptoe. Before I reached Alec’s door he emerged dressed for dinner but, seeing me, he backed into his room again and drew me after him.
‘Is your valet -?’
‘He’s long gone,’ said Alec. ‘What is it?’
‘I’m going to come upstairs straight after dinner,’ I said. ‘And then tomorrow the story is that… let’s say… Daisy Esslemont rang very early and I’ve gone off to see her at Croys. I shall think of some reason Hugh won’t question. Actually, I’m going to drive to Gatehouse tonight.’
‘You’re not tackling Dr Milne on your own,’ said Alec. ‘He’s backed into a corner, Dandy. There’s no telling what he might do.’
‘I’m not tackling Dr Milne,’ I said. ‘Alone or otherwise. I’m going to track down our witness and I need to leave tonight in case Dr Milne has the same idea.’
‘Our witness? What makes you so sure we have one?’
‘We do.’
‘And what makes you think it won’t be as bad an idea for you to tackle him on your own as -’
‘It’s not a him,’ I said. ‘It’s a her.’
‘Who?’ said Alec.
‘I don’t know her name or where she lives,’ I said. ‘But I know she exists. She’s the person who laid out Cara’s body before the undertakers took it away. And unless I’m very much mistaken, she is also the local midwife. She will know not only that the girl she laid out was not a servant, but also that she was still pregnant when she died, and perhaps – since she’s probably the nearest thing there is to a doctor for those who cannot afford Dr Milne – she might also know that Cara’s injuries came from being shoved over, not from jumping off any landing. I don’t know how they managed to hush her up, Alec – money probably – but I shall unhush her if it’s the last thing I do. Now go and entertain Hugh while I prepare a few things and…’ I hesitated and may even have blushed although the lamplight was too low for him to see me. ‘Could you possibly make sure that he has a great deal to drink tonight at dinner and after? I don’t think he’s likely to come to my room, but it’s best to be sure.’