The next morning they all felt as though they had lead weights on their arms and legs.
Abu Soraka assigned each of the fedayeen his own area of responsibility. Within a few days they moved to new quarters at the base of one of the two front towers. New recruits were billeted in their former quarters.
Now they were sleeping two and three to a room. Yusuf shared a room with Obeida and ibn Vakas, ibn Tahir shared one with Jafar, and Suleiman was with Naim.
Every morning ibn Tahir set out for school with profound melancholy in his heart. He looked at the novices—hadn’t he been one of them himself just yesterday?—and it pained him to think that all of that was so far behind him and that he could never again be like them. An insurmountable wall rose up now between him and them. He would listen to their carefree chatter with a sad smile.
The sleepless nights eventually drained the freshness out of his cheeks. His face became sunken and his eyes gazed out absently and gloomily.
“Ibn Tahir, one of the ones who were in paradise,” the soldiers would whisper to each other if they caught sight of him. Yesterday an inconspicuous student, today a powerful hero whose name caused young hearts to race. Once he had wished he could be this famous. Now he didn’t care. Sometimes the admiring glances even bothered him. He wanted to get away from everybody, he wanted to escape into solitude, where he could be alone with his thoughts, and with Miriam.
Yes, Miriam was the great secret that separated him from all of these novices and even from his comrades. How many times had he dreamed of her, when he was fortunate enough to be able to fall asleep. He had the feeling she was ever-present, and because of this all company bothered him. Sometimes, when he was all alone, he would close his eyes. He would be back in the pavilion as he’d been that night, with Miriam bending over him. He saw her so vividly and registered all the details around her so precisely, that it was hellish torture not to be able to touch her. Indeed, he suffered no less than the unfortunate Farhad, separated from Shirin by Khosrow Parviz. Frequently he was afraid he might go mad…
By day Suleiman and Yusuf took some comfort in their fame. The first thing in the morning they would ride out of the castle at the head of their unit, and faces full of admiration would watch as they passed by.
But the irritability caused by their sleepless nights found its outlet precisely in the novices. Yusuf would roar like a lion when things weren’t going as he wanted them to. But the novices soon found out that Suleiman’s sharp, suppressed outbursts were far more dangerous. He often derided them for their mistakes. His laughter had the effect of a whiplash. Yusuf was generous with his explanations. He liked to be asked questions and then be able to answer them. All he needed was for them to show fear and respect when they approached him. But asking Suleiman a question was as good as risking a terrible slap in the face.
That is how they were by day. But as evening approached, they fell victim to fear and anxiety. They knew they were going to have to face another sleepless night.
Once Suleiman said to Yusuf and ibn Tahir, “I can’t take this any longer. I’m going to go see Sayyiduna.”
“Are you out of your mind?”
Yusuf was terrified.
“It doesn’t work that way, Suleiman,” ibn Tahir replied. “You’ve just got to bear with it, the same as us.”
Suleiman flew into a rage.
“But I’m not made out of wood! I’m going to go see him and tell him everything. Either he’ll give me some assignment that takes me back to paradise, or I’ll strangle myself with my own hands!”
His eyes flashed like an animal’s. He rolled them so that their whites showed and he gnashed his teeth furiously.
The next morning he asked Abu Soraka to permit him to go see Abu Ali.
“What’s your business with him?”
“I’ve got to talk to him.”
“What about? Some sort of complaint, maybe?”
“No. I want to ask him to give me an assignment.”
“You’ll get your assignment when the time comes, not by asking for it.”
“But I have to speak to Abu Ali.”
Abu Soraka noticed the crazed glint in his eyes.
Let them have a taste of their own cooking, he thought to himself.
“Since you’re so insistent about this, I’ll refer your request to the grand dai.”
Abu Ali sensed something unpleasant when he heard that Suleiman wanted to speak with him.
“Wait,” he ordered Abu Soraka.
He went to Hasan and asked his advice.
“Talk to him,” Hasan said. “Then report back to me. We may learn something really interesting.”
Abu Ali waited for Suleiman in the great assembly hall. They were alone in the huge room.
“What’s on your mind, my dear Suleiman, that you wish to speak to me?”
Suleiman lowered his eyes.
“I wanted to ask you, reverend grand dai, to take me to see Sayyiduna.” Abu Ali was clearly nonplussed.
“Of all the things to ask for! Sayyiduna labors from morning to night for our well-being. Do you want to steal time away from him? I’m his deputy. Everything you wanted to tell him you can tell me now.”
“It’s difficult… He’s the only one who has the cure I need.”
“Speak up. I’ll relay everything to him.”
“I can’t stand it anymore. I want an assignment that will open the gates of paradise to me again.”
Abu Ali reflexively took a step backward. For a moment he caught Suleiman’s eyes. They were burning like fire.
“You’re mad, Suleiman. Do you realize that what you’re asking is practically rebellion? And that rebellion is punishable by death?”
“Better to die than suffer like this.”
Suleiman had murmured these words, but Abu Ali understood him.
“Go now. I’ll give this some thought. There may be help waiting for you sooner than you think.”
When Abu Ali returned, Hasan looked at him inquiringly.
“He wants you to give him an assignment so he can go back to paradise. He says he can’t bear it anymore.”
Hasan smiled.
“I wasn’t mistaken,” he said. “The poison and the gardens are having their effect. Soon it will be time for the final experiment.”
One night the incessant frustration eclipsed Suleiman’s mind. He got up, went over to Naim’s bed and sat down on it. Naim woke up and caught sight of the figure sitting at his feet. By its outline he recognized it as Suleiman. Instinctively he felt afraid.
“What’s wrong, Suleiman?”
Suleiman didn’t answer him. He stared at him motionlessly. His pale, sunken face shone through the semidarkness. Gradually Naim made out its expression and was terrified.
With a sudden movement Suleiman yanked the blanket off of him.
“Show me your breasts!”
Naim was petrified with fear. Suleiman grabbed him by the chest.
“Oh, Halima, Halima!” he moaned.
“Help me!”
Naim’s shout echoed madly through the night.
Guards’ footsteps could be heard coming down the hallway.
Suleiman started awake.
“By Allah! I’ll strangle you if you give me away. You were dreaming!”
He quickly disappeared back into his bed.
A guard walked in.
“Did you call out, Naim?”
“Yes. I had a terrible dream.”
The guard went away.
Naim got up and pulled the blanket off his bed.
“Why are you leaving?”
Suleiman gave him a piercing look.
“I’m afraid of you, Suleiman.”
“Idiot! Get back into your bed this instant and go to sleep. I’m sleepy too.”
The next morning Naim asked Abu Soraka to assign him to different quarters. He’d prefer not to sleep in the same room as Suleiman.