“Why would you do this?” Helena said, feeling as if there were a chasm inside her. “Haven’t we done enough? Why would you take a chance like this? Did you even think about what would happen if you’d been caught—”
“I was careful,” he said, not defending himself at all. “Did you really think I was going to let her live?”
Helena tried to swallow. She’d spent the day working to keep her heart under control, but she was too upset to manage her distress. “You lied to me. It was when we were at the ports, wasn’t it? When you said you had to go take care of some financial matter, but this is what you were doing. Now every time you go—anywhere—I’m going to wonder where you really are. And worry that you’re never going to come back to me—”
Her voice broke.
Kaine reached for her, but she stepped away from him. Pressing her hand against her chest, trying to keep her heart steady so she could keep talking, keep being angry. She was so angry.
“Is this not enough for you? Is having this life so dissatisfying that revenge is worth the risk?” Her eyes were burning. “In a few years, we’re going to have to tell Enid who you were. She’s going to go to school soon, and even here in Etras, she’ll hear about the war and hear your name. We both know exactly where she’s going to end up, and there will be no hiding the things you did. It’s going to shatter her world—even if she hears it from you first.”
Kaine’s jaw clenched. “I—”
“We don’t get to have all the things we want in this life. Remember? You were the one who told me that. You said there was a point when I had to realise I wasn’t going to get everything I wanted, and I had to choose and let it be enough. I thought we chose this. Have I been lying to myself this whole time?”
Her lungs started spasming so violently, an awful whistling rasped up her throat.
“She deserved to die after what she did to you.” His voice was unrelenting, unapologetic. “I couldn’t leave her once I knew where she was hiding.”
She shook her head. “You shouldn’t have looked. You should have left it alone.”
She glared at him for a moment longer and then burst into tears. “I’m so glad she’s dead.”
Kaine took two rapid steps and caught her before she could back away, her fingers curled, gripping his shirt.
“I hope she suffered, but I didn’t want it to be you—why is it always you?” She buried her face in his chest. “I hated her. I hated her so much. I’m so glad she’s dead.”
“I know,” he said, his arms wrapping around her. “She’s gone now. There won’t be anyone else.”
Ten Years Later
THEY STOOD, FINGERS ENTWINED, AS the last cloud of smoke from the steamship vanished.
“It’s just the two of us now,” Helena said wistfully.
Kaine was silent, silver eyes trained on the sea, as if he could still make out the ship over the curve of the horizon.
She squeezed his hand. “You realise why she’s going, don’t you?”
Kaine winced. “Yes …”
Helena rested her head on his shoulder. “I suppose it was inevitable. Letting things go isn’t really a trait of ours.”
He snorted. “I’ve had my moments at least. You, on the other hand …”
She laughed, looking up at him. His hair was still dyed brown, and she was surprised by how often she missed the silver-white. A few more years and he could probably stop dyeing it. However, his eyes were still the same. No matter how long she studied them, there always seemed to be nuances in the way the colour shifted, the glimmers of emotion that showed through.
When he looked down at her, the world around them faded away.
Her stomach flipped. “So, what do we do now?”
The corner of his mouth curved into a smile that had only ever been for her. “Anything. Whatever you want.”
Epilogue
Julius 1808
THE RIVER FERRY CHURNED UP THE WINDING river, reaching the final bend and revealing Paladia to those aboard. The audible gasps gave away those who had never seen the famous city before.
It gleamed like a giant crown laid in the river, framed by towering mountains.
At the front of the ship, a young woman with large silver-grey eyes watched the city draw near, barely able to tear her eyes away as the ferry made port and passengers began to disembark.
She paused at the top of the gangplank, searching the crowd for a familiar face.
“Enid!” called a voice.
Several people turned to see former paladin Lila Bayard running towards the ship, her son Apollo behind her, and a few guards all trying to keep up.
Lila reached Enid first and crushed her into a hug before stepping back.
“Look at you. It’s been too long.” Lila dropped her voice down. “I was afraid I wouldn’t recognise you, but you look so much like your mum.”
Enid smiled. “Yes,” she said in a faint Etrasian accent. “Father always says that.”
Lila shook her head. “I can’t believe they finally let you come. I thought they’d want you to keep studying in Khem, but I’m so excited that we’re going to have you in the program.”
Enid gave a sly smile. “Well, they knew I always wanted to study at the Institute. The apprenticeships in Khem are done differently—it’s primarily metallurgical there.”
Lila reached back and dragged Pol, who’d been awkwardly hanging behind, into the conversation. Enid’s and Pol’s eyes met for only an instant before darting away.
“Well, I wish they’d let you come sooner.” Lila sighed. “Your academic qualities would have been extremely helpful here. Pol has unfortunately inherited the poor study habits of his father and me, and that’s why he had to take a pyromancy certification exam twice.”
Pol turned bright red. “That was only on the written portion and that was years ago,” he muttered. “I passed it.”
“You’re supposed to run the Alchemy Institute someday. How is anyone going to take you seriously with transcripts like yours?” Lila said. “We’re lucky to have Enid here now. She’ll give us some proper academic legitimacy.”
Lila looked over to one of the guards. “Send her bags to Solis Splendour. We’re going to take the scenic route back to the Institute.”
A motorcar wound through the city, spiralling slowly up from the ports into the upper levels, headed north. It stopped at a plaza with a large open area. There were several tall columns encircling a statue.
Lila hesitated a moment and then began to open the door. “You should see this,” she said, stepping out. “It’s new, only finished a few weeks ago.”
There was a small crowd present, and most people drew back for the approaching party as Lila led the way to the centre.
The statue was of a Resistance soldier in combat armour and rappelling harness. At his feet were the words GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN.
The columns were smooth marble, filled with names. APOLLO HOLDFAST, LUCIEN HOLDFAST, SOREN BAYARD, SEBASTIAN BAYARD, EDDARD ALTHORNE, JAN CROWTHER, TITUS BAYARD … they went on and on.
Lila stood looking around them. “This was where the nullium bomb went off. One of the last places rebuilt, because it was so difficult to protect from the contamination. I wanted a memorial for everyone who died during the war, and this is where they put it. I think I like it, but … maybe nothing ever feels like it’s enough. What do you think?”
Enid shrugged, but her sharp eyes were rapidly scanning the columns. “I’ve never seen a war memorial before. I don’t know exactly how they’re supposed to make you feel.”