Alibi High

For one horrified moment, I wondered if he'd been a male stripper. Or an escort.

“ I was a clown,” he said flatly, as if he'd known immediately where my imagination had gone. It was my turn to blush. “I dressed up as a clown and made bal loon animals. Birthday parties, carnivals, restaurants sometimes. It was called Bozos and Balloons.”

But that sort of went down the tubes .”

“ Your company went out of business?”

He let out a long sigh and his hands slid from his head to his thighs. “Yeah, sort of. I just sort of had to quit it.”

I wasn't following. “So other people are running it now?” “Well, that sounds fun.” I smiled. “Making kids happy.”

“ There's always someone who cries. Always. ” He made a face. “It was the worst part of the job.”

“ Is that why you left?”

He Riggler shook his head. “It was a one man operation. I was the one man. I used to dress up as a clown for parties and things like that and make balloon animals. Work at restaurants on the weekend, carnivals, that sort of thing.” He paused. “Bozos and Balloons.”

“ Okay,” I said. “No. I didn't want to leave. I...I was forced out.”

I wondered what kind of evil clowns he worked with. “But I thought you owned the company,” I said, frowning.

“ I did. It was a one-man show.” He took a deep breath and sighed. “There was this kid over in Wanut Haven who wanted a clown for his birthday. But he wanted one that ro de a unicycle.”

“ But then I did something really stupid,” he said, clearly frowning at the memory. “I tried to ride a unicycle.”

“A unicycle?”

He nodded. “Yeah . His mom called to see if I was available and if I could ride a unicycle. I told her yes because I needed the work. So I went and bought a unicycle, , this kid over in Walnut Haven wanted a clown that rode a unicycle. So when his mom called to see if I was available and if I could ride a unicycle, I told her yes because I needed the work. So I went and bought a unicycle, kind of taught myself how to ride it. It was hard. Not like riding a bike at all.”

Probably because it was short one wheel . , I thought.

“Anyway, I went to the kid's party and it was going pretty great,” he explained. “I was whipping out animals left and right and the parents were all tipping me and , for once, no one was scared afraid of me.”

“ Scared of you? Why would they have been scared of you?”

“ At most parties, there's at least one person who is afraid of clowns,” he said. “They usually cry and freak out and it sort of ruins the whole deal.”

“ Ah. Right.” I tried to picture the man in front of me dressed as a clown. Even with my overactive imagination, I was having a hard time doing it.

“So anyway, it's going pretty good. Everyone's happy. ” His shoulders sagged. “ But then the kid wanted me to ride the unicycle for him.” H e shook his head is shou lders sagged . “I started out okay, but then I hit a manhole cover in the cul-de-sac.”

I winced. “And you fell?”

“No, I just sort of lost my control,” he answered. “I ran into a curb and got thrown from the bike and landed on the birthday kid. Squashed him and p opped the four-foot Mic key Mouse balloon creation I'd made him. ” He held up his left hand. “ And I broke my wrist.”

“ Oh, wow,” I said. “I'm sorry.” It was a horrible story and I felt awful that I had to bite back a smile at the visual of Miles Riggler demolishing a life-size Mickey Mouse balloon w hile careening around on a unicycle.

He nodded. “Yeah. “ The kid was okay, but he was crying and his parents were mad at me and I think I might've been crying, too, because of my wrist. So I had to get my stuff and leave.” He frowned. “But my wrist was in I ended up being in a cast for three months, which made it impossible to make balloon animals. So I had to shut down Bozos and Balloons. . ”

It sounded like a traumatizing experience. It also sounded like an episode of “America's Funniest Home Videos.” “That's terrible,” I said.

“ So Anyway, I had to find a new job,” he continued. “I applied to be a server at Taco Bill's and to be a driver for Pizza Farm for some jobs, service industry kind of stuff, but I wasn't getting anything.”

“ You didn't want to tea ch art?” I asked.

“ No , I did . But no schools were hiring.” , He looked at me. “ A friend of mine told me about Prism needing teachers so I checked out their openings. They were hiring for a computer teacher. but I didn't get either. I was getting kind of desperate. So then I saw this ad that Prism needed a computer teacher.” ” He folded his arms across his chest. “ But I thought it was for the spring semester. It was so close to the start of school. I thought I could apply, talk my way into the job, then learn computers during the fall and be ready to go in the spring.” His shoulders sagged again. “So I came in for the interview and I...I guess I interviewed okay.”

“Don't take this the wrong way,” I said, bewildered. “But weren't you asked questions about computers? Or about your job history? ”

He nodded slowly. “Yeah. But I just sort of fudged my answers. I really wanted needed the job.” He swallowed. “And then I got the call that I was hired. And that I had to start the following week. It wasn't for spring. It was for fall.” He paused. “I wasn't ready.”

I watched him stare at his lap. He was clearly a guy who was overwhelmed the moment. I knew that people lied all of the time on their resumes in order to get jobs, but I just couldn't believe that he'd fibbed well enough to slide into a teaching position. He was either a terrific liar or the interview process had been more than a little flawed.

“But I didn't want to lose the job,” he said. “I needed it. I wanted it. So I said yes. And I immediately enrolled in some online classes so I could learn fast.” His cheeks reddened. “But I know I'm behind the curve. I'm going as fast as I can.” He looked at me. “The thing on Saturday nights? It's a Microsoft class that I take online and you have to be online for the both the lecture and the exam. I can't not be on there.”

At least he had a good reason. “I understand.”

He sighed. “No, you don't. Not all of it.” He paused. “All that time off work, I ran up some bills. I'm still paying them off. And because I'm a first year teacher, I'm not making a ton of money. So I've had to cut a few corners and try to save some money. One of the things that I've saved money on is not having Internet at my apartment. I just couldn't afford it so I don't have it.”

I could understand cutting the costs. “So how do you get online for your classes?”