“I mean, yeah, in bed, maybe. But otherwise, no. No. You have to realize this goes both ways, this thing between us,” I say, motioning between our chests. “If you want me to really sell the fact that I’m your mate, that there is a way for humans and Roth to really work together, then you need to get used to cluing me in on what the hell it is you’re planning. I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all.” I heave out a breath, hungry and tired.
He growls at me, then takes my hands in his.
“You think I like it? You think I like that the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning is how not to die? How to keep myself and my brothers safe? But I’m trying to do the right thing anyway, because I’m tired of feeling like maybe I am the villain everyone seems to think I am. I’m a king, and death might be my only birthright, but I’m going to try to do the right thing.” Fire licks up his arms.
I flinch back, but to my surprise, they don’t burn me. They’re just… warm.
He rubs his thumb across my cheek, catching me off guard.
“I have never had to explain myself to anyone. Never had to think about anything other than my brothers’ and my safety. I am trying. But you have to remember, the Roth are not human. We are not raised like you, we don’t think like you.”
“What do you think like, then?” It’s the only thought my brain can hold on to long enough to ask. “How are we so different?”
“We are a species raised in battle and blood. We are taught to revere war, that power and might make right. That the strongest of all is the one to lead. That softness and… caring are death sentences.” His gaze slips over my face, and I get the distinct feeling he’s trying to tell me something else, something that he can’t quite put words to.
“My mother was a radical. She thought that we needed to abandon our war-mongering ways. That’s why we were in hiding. She stole away with the three of us after our father, the king, was slayed in trial by combat by my uncle.”
“The Overlord,” I say, and my chest aches at the thought of his poor mother, forced into hiding because she wanted to change the Roth to be gentler.
He dips his head in acknowledgment. “My mother… was different. She abhorred bloodshed of any kind, thought we were setting ourselves up for failure. She thought our ways were wrong, that the virus cropping up and decimating our females was a sign of the gods’ wrath towards us. She told us the gods used to give messages and speak with us, but that had not happened in many, many years, as the Roth grew more and more warlike. She taught us to fight because she wanted us to survive. My mother knew we would need those skills, along with the other things she taught us, like how to care for one another. How to look out for each other, to think for ourselves. She wanted the world to be different, wanted us to be the reason it changed. I have… I have failed her.”
He drops my hands, and his own fist at his sides. His flames die, the orange in his eyes replaced by full black.
“No, you haven’t. Look at what you’re doing.” But he doesn’t seem relieved. No, on the contrary, he seems even more upset.
“She sounds like a special person. Roth.” I shrug, feeling like an idiot, struggling with the fact that his mother wasn’t a person, but an alien. The alien species that killed my own family. “Thank you for saying she would like me. That was kind of you.”
“I am not a kind male. Nor a good one.” He gives me a heated look that makes my toes curl.
“No, that’s not what I said. Do I think you’re evil and cruel? The villain?” I tilt my head and purse my lips, pretending to mull it over. To my delight, he laughs, just a little. I take one of his hands again, holding it tight, needing him to understand what I’m trying to say, to feel my sincerity. “Are you perfect? No. No one is. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t kindness in you. Besides, you’re taking me back to Earth. Right? That’s pretty kind. You have given me choices, whereas with the other Roth? I never had a choice. Ever.”
A guilty look plays across face. “I told you that, yes. It does not mean I want to.”
“Doing the right thing even when you don’t want to is the height of decency and honor,” I tell him, and for some reason, a lump forms in my throat.
He grunts and starts to open his mouth when the comms tablet dings, a shrill noise that shocks me back to reality.
“Shit.” I scrub a hand down my face. “I forgot to comm Sueva and let the warlords there know I’m safe.”
“I am not afraid of the Suevans,” he growls, his eyes pricking with fiery light again.
“No one said you were, Smokey the Bear,” I tell him, annoyed. “But I don’t want them risking themselves on some hare-brained mission to save me when I’m here by choice.”
He studies me, then hands me the comms tablet from where it’s tucked in a pocket.
I stretch my neck, then tap the sequence that will accept the comm.
Niki’s face fills the screen.
“Leigh,” she says, and her face turns slack with relief. “You’re alright?”
“Hi, Captain Jacks,” I tell her. “I am. I’m fine.”
“Did Nydo coerce you into going with him?” she asks bluntly.
“Well, he said that once I helped him, he would take me back to Earth. So here we are. I left a note.”
“Back to Earth?” She blinks, as though this hasn’t even occurred to her, like none of us could possibly want to go back to Earth.
“Yeah,” I say tartly. “Some of us actually want to go back, you know? Some of us aren’t happy cozying up to an alien warlord and playing house.” I’m surprised at the venom in my own voice.
Niki’s mouth makes a thin line, and she lifts her chin up. “I understand. But you could have told us —told me—you wanted to return to Earth. We would have eventually figured out a way to negotiate your return. You didn’t have to take off and leave us wondering if you’d been coerced or hurt. We’ve now sent valuable resources after you, to ensure your safety.”
Guilt rises in me, a tidal wave of it, threatening to pull me under.
“I left a note,” I say stubbornly.
“Your resources are unnecessary,” Nydo interrupts. “We are safest alone. We are carrying out the mission you wanted us to, to divert the Overlord’s attention from Earth and Sueva. Leigh and the other women are of utmost importance to our plan. Would you like to hear it, Captain Jacks?”
Her gaze turns wary and calculating, and Nydo slips an arm around my waist as he shares the small comm screen with me. Butterflies flutter in my stomach at the easy, familiar contact.
“Yes,” she says flatly.
“The Overlord thinks to sell the idea of humans to be bred, as breeders only, to the rest of the remaining Roth. He knows as well as I do that our species is dying, and quickly. He knows that the key to remaining a power in this universe is increasing our numbers, and quickly. But the way he wants to do it, by forcing human females to breed, is repugnant, is it not?”
Niki nods, her eyes still narrowed in suspicion.
“So I will show the Roth that there is another way. That human females can be mated, and not just to be bred. They are strong, and capable, and smart, and to look at them only as vessels for our young is to do ourselves a disservice. We must not force them into anything, but treat them like the queens they are. Like our queen.” His fingers squeeze my back, and I clear my throat, nervous, trying not to think too hard about what he’s saying.
Niki’s eyes dart between us, and I just know, I just know, she’s thinking the same thing I am. That he doesn’t sound like he’s going to let me go.
But I have to believe him.